"Portnoy PENMART" wrote:

> Yoose all must be filthy dumb dagos... one should wash prior to ALL food
> handling... which is why I don't eat at WOP eateries (they don't bathe)
> and no great skill is needed anyway for boiling pasta. And anyhow, I
> don't want my food prepared by hands what just yanked the testicles off
> a squid.

Sheldon, can you say that when you were in the Navy, all the hands of the
cooks and the mess cranks were impeccably clean before they began handling
food? (Well, I suppose you could SAY that, but you'd be lying.)

Hey, here's a great sea story for you: On my first ship, the USS Nicholson
(DD-982), there was a roly-poly Jewish Mess Management Specialist (i.e.,
cook) named Metzger. Metzger volunteered for the job of night baker. His job
was to cook all the breads and pastries for the coming day.

One night, the roving security patrol saw a cloud billowing out of the
galley. Thinking there might be a fire, the sentry rushed in to see what was
going on and to sound the alarm if necessary. But there was no emergency:
Metzger had dumped flour all over the galley floor, taken off all his
clothes, and was rolling around in the flour masturbating with wild abandon.

Metzger's flour fetish earned him the nickname "Pillsbury Doughboy." And
after that, nobody wanted the creamed chipped beef or the glazed doughnuts
in the mornings.

But that wasn't the end of it. A few years later, the ship pulled into
drydock for overhaul in the Brooklyn Naval Shipyard. The crew was moved onto
a berthing barge while the ship's berthing compartments were being
refurbished. One night, one of the cooks who slept near Metzger's bunk
noticed that Metzger was moving around restlessly; eventually, Metzger got
out of bed, got dressed, and left the compartment. The cook called the
Disbursing Officer, who grabbed his Polaroid camera and snuck into the Dry
Stores storeroom. There, the Disbursing Officer snapped a photo of Metzger,
who had taken off his clothes, poured a bag of flour over his head, and was
enthusiastically pumping his penis.

I don't know why you get so worked up about Italians; you Navy-cook Jews
have some WEIRD fetishes!

Bob