http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifest...vSP_story.html
(sometimes I think that the WP is the ONLY place you can find
comments for her column....there are several dozen so far.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Rarely is it that I find myself in disagreement
with you, dear Miss Manners. However, I take issue with your taking to
task dinner and party guests for bringing “hostess gifts” in the form
of food and beverages. And that you further discourage the “potluck”
practice of everyone bringing something for the meal.

Perhaps being so successful and talented has blinded you to the fact
that many others have not been as fortunate or industrious. Especially
from the vantage point of Washington, D.C., where I presume many
continue to fiddle and entertain lavishly while Rome burns.

Perhaps we common people will be much happier if we can continue to
afford to socialize by bringing along something for everyone to enjoy
rather than everyone sitting and eating alone in their own homes
because they cannot afford to entertain.

Now excuse me, I have to go make a salad to bring to my garden club’s
fall dinner.


GENTLE READER: Must you declare class warfare on cooks whose notion of
hospitality is to provide full meals for their guests?

And anyway, don’t you have the argument upside down? In religious
texts, we learn about the virtue of the poor who freely share what
little they have, while those who can afford more stint on
hospitality.

Cooperative gatherings, such as your garden club dinner, were not
under discussion. When Miss Manners isn’t obliged (it’s a residential
requirement) to accompany the destruction of Our Nation’s Capital on
the violin, she happily participates in such a group.

The issue was dinner parties for which the guests are unpleasantly
surprised by being given catering assignments, or at which hosts are
dismayed at being expected to serve courses replacing those they had
planned.

There is no legitimate financial angle here. Unless we are speaking of
those who always expect others to feed them and never reciprocate, it
costs no more to take an occasional turn serving a full meal than it
does to have to contribute every time one goes out. Presuming a social
circle of five households and meals of three courses, it actually
would cost less.

(end)

For those who find MM's answer too vague, here's another, from an Ask
Amy reader:

"(Those) who object to potluck dinners should be aware that there is a
difference between a dinner that everyone agrees will be shared -- and
one to which guests are invited, only to be asked to supply the
hostess's menu. I agree that the latter is inappropriate."

Here's the letter that inspired it:

Dear Amy: I just received yet another invitation to a "party" to which
I am supposed to bring food and drink. I have noticed that over the
years this "potluck" trend is increasing.

I think potlucks are fine for impoverished grad students or committee
meetings, but it seems to me that two gainfully employed adults who
own their home should not expect their guests to provide refreshments
for themselves.

If the excuse is that both are working and have no time to prepare, I
would argue that the same is true for their guests. If cash is short,
a big pot of soup and some crusty bread make fine fare. My
understanding is that hospitality means sharing what you have with
your friends, not asking them to pay for your "party."

I have taken to simply declining without explanation invitations that
require me to provide refreshments as price of admission. I am
wondering if I am the only person who is fed up with this whole thing.
- Tired Of Cooking

Dear Tired: I have also noticed an increase in potlucking and agree
with you that, depending on the event, bringing your own food and
drink to a dinner party hardly seems like hospitality.

Now that you've thrown down the cassoulet, let's see how others
respond.

(end)

Lenona.