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Old 20-11-2010, 12:59 AM posted to,seattle.eats,soc.culture.native,alt.native
Mentifex Mentifex is offline
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Default Guilty of DWI (Drinking-coffee While Indian)

Dear Howard,

Yesterday I was in your Richmond Beach
Starbucks #385 at
606 Richmond Beach Road,
Shoreline, WA 98177
and I witnessed a crime of assault
which disturbed me immensely.

Let me change a few names to protect the
guilty while I describe what happened.

For several months a Native American fellow
has had the nerve to come into your upscale
whites-only Starbucks just outside of the
exclusive, wealthy white neighborhood of
Innis Arden, founded decades ago with
a sign reading "Innis Arden -- A Restricted
Community." Back then only blue-blood whites
could buy a home in Innis Arden. The laws
have since changed, but the Innis Arden
residents still have the exclusive attitude.

So Mrs. Woodway and her lady friend were
sitting at a long table and proudly showing
each other pictures of their daughters,
while down-and-out looking Injun Cronshaw
was sitting at a corner of the same table
with his Cadillac parked outside and his
Apple computer on the same table.

Apparently Mrs. Woodway did not like
sharing the same Starbucks table with
a beefy, stocky, middle-aged Indian male
who looked like he came in from Skid Row.
Mrs. Woodway went over to the barista Hayley
and complained that maybe Injun Cronshaw
might be photographing her and her white-lady
friend and perhaps even capturing secondary
images of the photographs of their daughters.
So your Starbucks barista Hayley called the
Shoreline police, who came right away and
assaulted the Injun who was obviously guilty
of DWI: _Drinking-coffee _While _Indian.

Before I describe the crime against your
Starbucks customer by Shoreline's Finest,
let me as a disclaimer state that about
twelve years ago I used to see the Injun
Cronshaw hanging around in Seattle's
Wallingford neighborhood -- before Injun
Crownshaw inherited a sizeable fortune.
Back then the Injun Cronshaw came one time
to a hotel where I was working and he was
selling the "Real Change" homeless newspaper.
Then a year or two later I encountered the
Injun at a Starbucks in the University
District, and he told me that his Indian
father back in Montana or thereabouts had
just died and bequeathed to him a thousand
acres of Indian land, worth over a million

Then yesterday I am sitting in your #385
Starbucks and I see the Shoreline police
interrogating the D.W.I Indian outside at
a Starbucks table. The Injun is cycling
through images on his Apple computer and
apparently trying to show the Gestapo that
he had not been taking pictures of wealthy
white women in their upscale #385 Starbucks.
Then the Injun was walking around for a while
outside, while a total of six Shoreline
police officers gathered around him.

Meanwhile, inside your fancy Starbucks #385,
people were whispering to one another the
crimes of the D.W.I. Injun. In his Cadillac
(you're not going to believe such evil, H.S.)
the upstart, does-not-know-his-place Indian
had (GASP!) stuffed animals on the back seat.

He had the look and demeanor of a street bum.
Apparently the Starbucks message to Indians
and street-bums is, if you want to drink coffee
while Indian in a Starbucks, go to a Starbucks
on the Indian Reservation or in the ghetto --
if you can find a Starbucks there. Do Not
expect wealthy white women from Innis Arden
or Richmond Beach to share even a longish
Starbucks table with you. Howard, maybe you
could have signs made for all your upscale
Starbucks outlets: NO DOGS OR INDIANS ALLOWED.

I saw and heard the Shoreline police yell at
the Starbucks customer for smoking a cigarette
within twenty-five feet of the store entrance.
But besides the crime of assaulting your
Starbucks customer, Howard, the Shoreline
wealthy-women-defense-squad did not cite
the unfortunate Injun for any crime. Instead,
after he had walked around a bit, they led
him back to the Starbucks table and then
they assaulted the Native American Indian
by forcibly slamming him down into a metal
Starbucks chair. (Message to down-and-out
Indians and other minorities: Thank you
for daring to buy coffee at Starbucks;
if you dare to come back, you will be
arrested and jailed, after we assault you.)
They did not arrest the hapless, bewildered
Injun yesterday, but they made him sign a
paper authorizing his arrest and jailing
if he tries to come back to Starbucks #385.