MisterHyde wrote:
> This is something that concerns both restaurant management and
> relationships. I’ve already run it by a relationship discussion group,
> so now I thought I’d see what a restaurant management discussion group
> has to say.
>
> I had been going to a particular bar/restaurant for about three years,
> and thought I had established a rapport with some of the women who
> worked there. Several says ago, I was told by the owner to leave and
> never come back. Ironically, the incident that got me ousted was an
> attempt at apologizing to someone for something. I got this woman a
> card and a gift certificate and wrote a note of apology in the card.
> When I gave it to her, she kept saying, “It’s alright, it’s alright.”
> So I went and sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
>
> Next thing I know, the owner is shoving the opened card back in my
> face and saying, “Listen, you’re making all of my girls uncomfortable,
> Now I want you to take this back, I want you to leave right now, and I
> don’t want you to come back.”
>
> Well, okay, maybe I was getting out of line and he has the right to
> decide who gets to play in his sandbox, but I’m upset with the women
> for not telling me how they felt, and I’m upset with the woman who
> wouldn’t accept my gesture of apology in the spirit it was intended.
> I’m especially upset because one of the things I said in the note was
> that she had a right to be angry. I even gave her my email address so
> that she could express her feelings outside of work. There’s also a
> second woman I’m upset with because I had become quite find of her,
> and I had told her that she should feel free to tell me if she had a
> problem with me, and she actually said, “I understand that.” I’m
> assuming that second woman also went crying to the owner at some
> point, since he said “all my girls.”
>
> Now everyone I’ve asked about this is unanimous in saying that my
> assertion that the women should have talked to me directly is
> untenable, but I still feel hurt and betrayed. They all smiled in my
> face and told me “It’s alright,” and “I understand,” and then went and
> told The Man I was upsetting them.
>
> So what do the restaurant management people have to say?

Why do you expect employees in a hospitality industry to relate to you
as if you are all equal, and all equally free to express yourselves?
They have a JOB to do, and to hold onto, and undoubtedly mouths at home
to feed. They represent the business when they engage with you, and
expecting real human interaction with a corporation is plain dumb.

The only correct way to deal with them is professionally - be
corporately correct & pleasant with them. If you are looking for
friends, stop expecting paid staff to provide it.

Ian