This is something that concerns both restaurant management and
relationships. I’ve already run it by a relationship discussion group,
so now I thought I’d see what a restaurant management discussion group
has to say.

I had been going to a particular bar/restaurant for about three years,
and thought I had established a rapport with some of the women who
worked there. Several says ago, I was told by the owner to leave and
never come back. Ironically, the incident that got me ousted was an
attempt at apologizing to someone for something. I got this woman a
card and a gift certificate and wrote a note of apology in the card.
When I gave it to her, she kept saying, “It’s alright, it’s alright.”
So I went and sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.

Next thing I know, the owner is shoving the opened card back in my
face and saying, “Listen, you’re making all of my girls uncomfortable,
Now I want you to take this back, I want you to leave right now, and I
don’t want you to come back.”

Well, okay, maybe I was getting out of line and he has the right to
decide who gets to play in his sandbox, but I’m upset with the women
for not telling me how they felt, and I’m upset with the woman who
wouldn’t accept my gesture of apology in the spirit it was intended.
I’m especially upset because one of the things I said in the note was
that she had a right to be angry. I even gave her my email address so
that she could express her feelings outside of work. There’s also a
second woman I’m upset with because I had become quite find of her,
and I had told her that she should feel free to tell me if she had a
problem with me, and she actually said, “I understand that.” I’m
assuming that second woman also went crying to the owner at some
point, since he said “all my girls.”

Now everyone I’ve asked about this is unanimous in saying that my
assertion that the women should have talked to me directly is
untenable, but I still feel hurt and betrayed. They all smiled in my
face and told me “It’s alright,” and “I understand,” and then went and
told The Man I was upsetting them.

So what do the restaurant management people have to say?