Bigbazza wrote:

> Whilst cooking the meal tonight, I saw the following, and remembered
> that there are many 'Americans' on RFCSo thought I would let you know
> the 'New' (or back to old) Ruler of the former Colonies!......
>

Now if only somebody could convince the Queen to return to Rome.
--
JL
>
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
> Queen Elizabeth II.
>
> In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
> for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
> notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You
> should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
> over
> all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does
> not fancy).
>
> Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
> without the need for further elections.
>
> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
> circulated
> next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
> are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1 . The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'favour,'
> 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
> withoutskipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by
> the suffix '-'ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary
> toacceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
>
> 2 . Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
> as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
> communication. There is no such thing as U.S .English. We will let
> Microsoft
> know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
> into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
>
> 3 . July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
>
> 4.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
> therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
> that
> you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
> shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
> speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
>
> 5 . Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
> dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if
> you
> wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>
> 6 . All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
> driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
> go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
> tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
> British sense of humour.
>
> 7 . The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
> calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
>
> 8 . You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
> are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
> properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
> dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
>
> 9 . The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
> beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
> to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for
> pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
> beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
> them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so
> that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
>
> 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
> guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
> English
> characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four
> Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
> with a cheese grater.
>
> 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
> proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
> time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
> football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
> wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
>
> 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
> host an
> event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
> America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
> borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will
> let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
> deliveries.
>
> 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>
> 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
> due (backdated to 1776).
>
> 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
> saucers,
> and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
> strawberries (with cream) when in season.
>
> God Save the Queen!
>
> PS:Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)
>
> Bigbazza (Barry)
>