OT....NOTICE: America Taken Back By The British Crown After 230 Years of Failure.....
On Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:25:31 +1100, "Bigbazza"
> wrote:
>Whilst cooking the meal tonight, I saw the following, and remembered that
>there are many 'Americans' on RFCSo thought I would let you know the 'New'
>(or back to old) Ruler of the former Colonies!......
>
>
>
>To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
>Queen Elizabeth II.
>
>In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
>for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
>notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You
>should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
>
>Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over
>all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does
>not fancy).
>
>Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
>without the need for further elections.
>
>Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated
>next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
>
>To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
>are introduced with immediate effect:
>
>1 . The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'favour,'
>'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
>withoutskipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by
>the suffix '-'ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary
>toacceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
>
>2 . Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
>as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
>communication. There is no such thing as U.S .English. We will let Microsoft
>know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
>into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
>
>3 . July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
>
>4.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
>therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that
>you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
>shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
>speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
>
>5 . Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
>dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you
>wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>
>6 . All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
>driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
>go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
>tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
>British sense of humour.
>
>7 . The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
>calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
>
>8 . You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
>are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
>properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
>dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
>
>9 . The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
>beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
>beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
>to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for
>pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
>beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
>them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so
>that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
>
>10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
>guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
>characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four
>Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
>with a cheese grater.
>
>11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
>proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
>time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
>football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
>wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
>
>12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
>event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
>America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
>borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will
>let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
>deliveries.
>
>13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>
>14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
>Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
>due (backdated to 1776).
>
>15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers,
>and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
>strawberries (with cream) when in season.
>
>God Save the Queen!
>
>PS:Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)
>
>Bigbazza (Barry)
I loved it and thanks for posting it. I even printed it out to show
some of my friends who are not connected.
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