In article > ,
"Dimitri" > wrote:

> "Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
> ...
> > If it is your custom and habit to bring vittles to the home of the
> > bereaved, do your level best to bring it in non-returnable containers.
> > There are a number of inexpensive options in supermarkets these days
> > for
> > disposable containers
> >
> > If you DO bring it on a plate, bowl, or other container you want back,
> > stick a piee of tape on it bearing your name.
> >
> > Instead of sending flowers, send (or bring) a fruit basket. Large
> > supermarkets can often prepare them if that's not your cup of tea. I
> > always thought that a fruit basket sounded dippy until I received one.
> > It's a lovely thought, and practical.
> >
> > Call the family of the bereaved first and check the territory -- if
> > they're inundated with sugar, ask if you can bring protein. (Cheese
> > tray and fresh fruit. Hand food.) If you know that small children
> > will
> > be around, include a couple PB sandwiches.
> >
> > If they're inundated with everything, make a note on your own calendar
> > to deliver dinner in three weeks, when the dust has begun to settle.
> > Call the day before to let them know.
> >
> > Better still, invite them to your home for a meal. Ask a couple days
> > in
> > advance. Depending on how well you know them, push a little and do
> > insist that it's no bother and you'd like to see them. Talk about the
> > circumstance if it seems like they wish to; don't dwell on it if it
> > doesn't look that way.
> >
> > Don't ask for first dibs on his power tools. Don't ask if she plans to
> > stay in their home. Don't ask for a piece of her jewelry. (Don't
> > laugh. You wouldn't believe some of the outrageous things people will
> > "inquire about" -- wanna be first in line, y'know.)
> > --
> > -Barb (www.jamlady.eboard.com updated 10-16-03; check the PickleHats
> > tab,
> too.)
>
> Damn woman you're good.
>
> What great advise.
>
> Dimitri
>
>

I would add this, too: Do ask if you can take care of the small tasks
that don't have anything to do with food, particularly if the bereaved
have to leave town to go to the funeral. Offer to (and carry through)
feed the dog/cat while they're away, water the plants, take care of the
mail, etc.

Even if they're in town, some of the daily tasks might be overwhelming.
Offer to take care of picking up dry cleaning, doing a load of laundry
(especially in the case of a young widow/widower with children).

It's amazing how much one doesn't want to do anything when grieving -
or, conversely, wants to do everything to the point of exhaustion.
Someone to step in is a needed and valued thing.

--
Nancy Howells (don't forget to switch it, and replace the to send mail).