everwestward wrote:
> In my life I've gone from bloodfaced carnivore

Huh?

> to vegetarian to vegan
> to what I am now. I'm trying to figure out the word for what I am
> now.

Try: stupid.

> I don't eat anything that's alive or that's a contiguous part of
> anything that's alive. Basically, I apply veganism to plants as well
> (no lettuce, no potatoes, no spices, no sugar, etc.) Is there a
> catchy name for this dietary niche?

Not really, but there are some psychological terms for it. "Anal
retentive" comes to mind.

> I've heard the term "fruitarian" which is pretty close to the mark
> (although it does sound a little wimpy),

So do you. Don't let that stop you.

> but it's still not entirely
> applicable, since I eat grains and beans. I've also heard of the
> "Jain" movement which parallels my eating habits closely,

You're not Jainist, you twit.

> but Jainism
> is more of a spiritual belief than a dietary preference, and I'm not
> quite ready to accept a new god simply because he/she offers the
> tastiest menu!

Don't count on their food being tasty. Jainists forbid the use of any
red ingredient because it resembles blood. No tomatoes, berries,
watermelon, etc., all because of the shitheaded notion that red equals
blood. They also engage in a variety of anal retentive (there's that
term again) measures to keep from accidentally stepping on bugs. You're
not about to stop moving around at night. You want to be trendy, and
going to bed at dusk isn't trendy.

> You'd never believe how tough it is living with this inability to
> classify myself.

No, most of us wouldn't.

> At restaurants I end up wasting 15 minutes trying to
> explain to the server how I prefer my meal.

You should stop eating out and wasting so much of your and waiters'
time. Is your peculiar and wacky system so special that you feel you
must rob 15 minutes of someone else's life? How does THAT jibe with your
extreme views on animals?

> I mean, it's hard enough
> convincing some people that beef broth is still beef, y'know?

You needn't waste so much time of other people. I suspect you only whine
to the waiters and waitresses to proseltyze.

> I wish
> I could just say one word like "vegan" and have everyone understand.

They wish they could say one word and make you go away.

> Thanks, gang. I eagerly await your gastronomically nomenclative
> expertise...

FU