On Jan 7, 1:50*pm, Nick Cramer > wrote:

> I wasn't so much defending her as suggesting a possibly more gentle way of
> dealing with the situation. I have a little bit of the lingo down, having
> studied the Japanese language and culture for 45 years, during which I also
> practiced Japanese martial arts, in which setting, my Sensei taught me much
> about decent behavior for a warrior. I am content with the friendship I
> have with the Itamae at my favorite Sushiya.

I understand perfectly what you think was the situation. However, the
small amount of information I gave you about the situation says
nothing about her tone, which was loud and rude; her expression, which
had condensation written all over it. In a stranger on the street, I
may have ignored it, but with a professional waitress who is serving a
selection of food with historic value as a cultural tradition, I find
it as insulting as I would if she had just farted in my face.

If you indeed understand Japanese history and culture, then you'll
know that not that long ago she might have gotten beaten or put to
death with her insult.

Today is a different set of rules. We cannot beat or kill a person for
insult. Civilized people were much more polite then as compared to
now. They had a real reason to be.

Even though I think you came off like an asshole when replying to me,
I know that was the American side of your intellect and not the
Japanese. As you know, it's few Japanese that would speak as you did
in reply to me. You make my culture embarrassed for you.

Politeness isn't something to be learned about *other* people. It's
something to be, so that other people learn about you.

Now I'll apologize to you for being so blunt in answer to you.