Ubiquitous wrote:
> SLop begins by claiming she rented out a house in Whistler(?), Canada for
> Christmas this year. Yeah, like we're sppsd to believe she dragged all her
> Christmas and kitchen crap to Canada for this one-time special occasion. If
> there were people carrying torches and pitchforks behind her, I could believe
> it. Maybe.

Canada took all of our draft dodgers and some of our murderers, so why
wouldn't they take SLop? She hasn't killed anyone yet to our knowledge,
but better safe than sorry.

If we're very lucky, she won't be able to find her passport or birth
certificate, and she'll be stuck there for good, eh?



> I love how she tells us to look at how the salmon cream cheese in her bowl
> looks while the bowl is facing AWAY from the camera, then totally covers it up
> with dill clippings, creating for what all practical purposes looks like a
> baseball mound.

For her, that's doing well. We should praise her efforts however feeble
they are. Go ahead, now. Praise her!



> Sandra claims she loves Hanukkah and celebrating all its traditions, so she
> glued together a bunch of store-bought meringues and painted them with blue
> frosting, the "color of Hanukkah" and tells us she invited a "special guest"
> to her Xmas party. Is it Hanukkah Harry, perhaps?

Actually she got Hanukkah confused with Passover and thinks Elijah is
coming.



> Poor kids. Forced to help crazy Aunt Sandy make a "sugarplum tree" with crappy
> candy and unbent paper clips. It's like watching Saddam Insane with those kids
> before the first Gulf War. Wow, seeing Brycer explains a LOT. I have to wonder
> if he's a "special child", if you get my drift. Naturally, since the kids were
> expecting sugarplums, she used cheap crappy candy... Did anyone else cringe
> when she talked about using hooks and/or paperclips to attach the candy to her
> sugarplum tree?

Look, that's nothing. She didn't introduce the Sugarplum Fairy, did she?
Which would have been more traumatic for the children?




> While the kids played with the Gumdrop Shrike Tree, SLop returned to the
> kitchen to make cookies. Did anyone else notice that in the shot right before
> she mixed up the cookie dough in the KA, when she pours the vanilla in, the
> two eggs were on one side of the bowl and the cream cheese was at the other
> side, looking like a face? I was half-expecting it to croak out "kill me...."!

Shrike Tree, LOL!!




> Wow, I'd have NEVER thought of putting the hanging holes in my cookies before
> I baked them, but why did she put them so far from the edge? I also noticed
> that she made a big deal about not making the cookies too brown but was going
> to cover them up with icing anyway.
>
> SLop claims that these cookies will "taste like they've been baking for
> hours". I sure hope not, because they'd be lumps of charcoal, but then again,
> this might be an improvement for her.

Considering how long SLop's been baked, anything is an improvement.



> Did she say she dumped the ENTIRE bottle of red food coloring into that white
> icing?

I'm sure she did. SLop's never heard of paste food colors evidently, so
she enough to emulate a movie massacre in order to get past pink in her
icing.




> OMG! She burnt the prime rib!

Burn her! She's a witch! Burn her!!



> And no way in hell is that tiny thing going to
> feed all those people.

Well that's okay. Just put another stone in it. Oh, make it into soup first.



> As gifts for her guests, SLop took Chinese take-out containers,

OMG, those again?? Does anyone still have the balls to trot those out at
gift time?





> In one of MANY very obvious voiceovers, there was a voiceover while she was
> enthusiastically waving her hands around and pointing at things on the mantle.
> Oh how I'd LOVE to know what she was really saying!

If it had been anything at all sensible, they would have left it in.




> SLop makes a macaroon topiary tree decoration/display by wrapping a styrofoam
> cone in aluminum foil (so food doesn't touch the styrofoam) and using a thick
> sugar and water mixture as adhesive. Can you at least pronounce "macaroon"
> correctly? And no, I don't like them, but thanks so much for asking! SLop
> precedes to dribble the remaining goo over the whole thing in an attempt to
> simulate snow. Snow should NOT look like it's dripping! SLop finishes by
> carefully placing a red-hot on each macaroon, creating what appear to be
> macaroon breasts. The hell?

Oh come on! It's Holiday Cinnamon Red Hot Macaroons, just like they
serve in gourmet restaurants. Give a girl a break.



> Was I the only one creeped out by her trying to get her nephews to kiss her?
>
> Hey, lookit the gumdrop shrike tree! The secret to her eggnog is chocolate
> liqueur? I guess the kids go hungry AND thirsty tonight.
>
> Why did she put that dough wreath soaked with all sorts of butter and oils
> into the oven on an UPSIDE DOWN baking sheet? Isn't everything going to drip
> down onto the bottom of the oven?

A festive fire is a big part of some folk's holiday celebrations.



> Just how much booze did she pour into that drink, anyway? She didn't specify
> how much but practically turned the bottles upside-down and started to shake
> them in an effort to empty them out after pouring ONE cup for the children. So
> what do the other kids drink, or if, heaven forbid, the "lucky one" wants a
> refill?

Then they can drink straight from the bottle, just like Aunt Sandy does.



> SLop initially had everyone loitering in the living room and then made a big
> production at the end of having everyone come down the stairs to see all the
> work she had done, but only after she spent the earlier part of it with them
> making the "sugar plum" tree and the gumdrop shrike tree. When SLop sat down
> with her "family", it was painfully awkward when she asked what they were
> going to do during the week and no one answered her. They probably didn't
> understand they were supposed to lie and go along with whatever she was
> talking about. They also probably wondered what the hell she was talking
> about, as it was just asbestos snow that was falling "outside".

"Aunt Sandy, teacher says that's a lethal health hazard! Is that true?"
And Aunt Sandy, teacher says every time a bell rings, Aunt Sandy takes
another drink. Is that true, too?



> SLop asks Colleen "Would you like another cocktail, honey?", followed by a
> quick cut away so we don't see her giving SLop some stinkeye. Bwah! With a
> cheery "Go ahead and start without me!"...

Oh, they did that a looooong time ago, Sandy.



> ... Sandra pretends to go outside to
> "play in the snow", leaving her family to stare bewilderedly at a table devoid
> of food. Snow. In the studio. Dunce. She rambles a bit "outside" until her
> visibly embarrassed nieces and nephews ask her to come back "inside". I wonder
> if that happens every Christmas at the Lee house?

Yes, but it used to be the nice men in white coats that rounded her up.
Now it's her AA sponsor.



> Which reminds me -- the special Jew for whom she painted those store-bought
> meringues never appeared!

Note to SLop: Leave an empty chair.