FoodBanter.com - Safer cork removal

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Safer cork removal

The dangers of an errant sparkling wine cork:

>http://tinyurl.com/54cnm<

Alternatively you could simply ensure the bottle is pointed away from
you and anyone else in the vicinity.

Wn

Yes, apply the same safety methods that are taught by the National Rifle
Association. 1. Do not point the gun (in this case the sparkling wine) at
anything you do not want to shoot 2. Do not handle guns (sparkling wine) if
you have been drinking! You may, however, shoot out a window with a cork if
you are not careful. I have owned guns for fifty years and once shot a hole
in the bedroom floor. Always consider a gun or a bottle of sparkling to be
loaded.

What is next? California and Mass State wine safety laws or a ban on
assault wine.Would the gun Nazis consider a bottle of sparkling wine an
assault weapon?"

"Whingeing Ninja" > wrote in message
...
> The dangers of an errant sparkling wine cork:
>
> >http://tinyurl.com/54cnm<
>
> Alternatively you could simply ensure the bottle is pointed away from
> you and anyone else in the vicinity.
>
>
> Wn
>

"Dick R." in ...
> . . . In my experience
> it's always easy to remove the cork on a sparkling wine. Just
> ease out the cork until you hear a gentle "pop", no explosions,
> no foam, no wine on the ceiling.

That is one of the good ways, if I may so say. Actually, removing a cork
offers the same options as LTI System Identification. A hiss, a bang, or a
chirp. (Those are the three kinds of classic test inputs you use to scope
out the behavior of many acoustical, electrical, or other contrivances.)
With Champagne, some situations call for a hiss, some a bang, even a chirp
(or gentle "pop"). It is easy to select among them, with practice. Many
times when serving Champagne I have solicitously asked "what would you like
to hear?"

(Wine on the ceiling, also, is nothing if you have ever seen what happens
when a very slow-cooked stew in a pressure cooker encounters a blocked steam
outlet and slowly, quietly, inexorably, builds tension, unnoticed,
unsuspected, relentless, inescapable, till at last the structure can stand
it no longer and the relief seal explodes and the contents exit under
cataclysmic pressure -- huge vegetables, pieces of meat, excessively floured
sauce -- through an orifice less than a centimeter across. _Horribile
dictu._ But that's another story.)

For more on the principles of system identification look at comp.dsp or
search under "Detection, Estimation and Modulation Theory," à la Harry L.
Van Trees.

-- Max

Max Hauser wrote:
> "Dick R." in ...
>>. . . In my experience
>> it's always easy to remove the cork on a sparkling wine. Just
>>ease out the cork until you hear a gentle "pop", no explosions,
>>no foam, no wine on the ceiling.
>
> That is one of the good ways, if I may so say. Actually, removing a cork
> offers the same options as LTI System Identification. A hiss, a bang, or a
> chirp. (Those are the three kinds of classic test inputs you use to scope
> out the behavior of many acoustical, electrical, or other contrivances.)
> With Champagne, some situations call for a hiss, some a bang, even a chirp
> (or gentle "pop"). It is easy to select among them, with practice. Many
> times when serving Champagne I have solicitously asked "what would you like
> to hear?"
I dunno, just fill my glass. :-)
> (Wine on the ceiling, also, is nothing if you have ever seen what happens
> when a very slow-cooked stew in a pressure cooker encounters a blocked steam
> outlet and slowly, quietly, inexorably, builds tension, unnoticed,
> unsuspected, relentless, inescapable, till at last the structure can stand
> it no longer and the relief seal explodes and the contents exit under
> cataclysmic pressure -- huge vegetables, pieces of meat, excessively floured
> sauce -- through an orifice less than a centimeter across. _Horribile
> dictu._ But that's another story.)
Sounds tragic. Gives kitchen cleanup a whole new meaning.
> For more on the principles of system identification look at comp.dsp or
> search under "Detection, Estimation and Modulation Theory," à la Harry L.
> Van Trees.
Maybe not, I'll just stick with the "gentle pop".

Thanks, Max, for a :-) for the day.
Dick R.

Michael Pronay > wrote in message >...
> Whingeing Ninja > wrote:
>
> >>http://tinyurl.com/54cnm<
>
> > Alternatively you could simply ensure the bottle is pointed away
> > from you and anyone else in the vicinity.
>
> Idiocy, sorry. You open the bottle securing the cork all the time
> with your hand so it never can fly away. Period.
>
> M.

Right. Just twist it slo o o w ly and you're in business.

Dan-O