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Old 01-12-2011, 11:53 AM
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A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

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Old 07-12-2011, 09:14 AM
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As per research
A man speaks 25,000 words daily
&
A woman speaks 30,000
Problem starts when husband comes home
from office after consuming his 25,000 words
&
wife starts her 30,000..
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Old 08-12-2011, 07:08 AM
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I saw you yesterday on the road.
Such beautiful eyes,
walking gracefully down the road,
and I started to sing;
Who let the dogs out!
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Old 08-12-2011, 07:15 AM
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Patient: I have swallowed a key.

Sardar Doctor: When?

Patient: 3 months back!

Sardar Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Patient: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
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Old 09-12-2011, 05:17 AM
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Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"


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Old 09-12-2011, 01:04 PM
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Pandit: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.

Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.
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Old 12-12-2011, 10:44 AM
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Finding The Car
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars.

The manager comes out ofthe bar and stops the guy.

'What the heck are you doing ?' he asks the drunk.

'I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it.' he replies.

'So how does feeling the roof help you ?' asks the puzzled manager.

'Well,' replies the drunk earnestly, 'MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!'.
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Old 13-12-2011, 06:48 AM
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Santa: What is the difference between “complete and finish”?

Banta: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished !!!!!
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Old 14-12-2011, 09:55 AM
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A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"

"Yup, shore am!"

"How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."

The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"
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Old 14-12-2011, 11:04 AM
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Today, we will let you know the short cut to success:

"Behind every successful Man, there is a WOMAN...

So, don't waste time in your studies...
just find a woman..."


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Old 16-12-2011, 06:43 AM
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I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."
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Old 16-12-2011, 06:48 AM
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Thre farmer and his wofe had worked hard, Scrimped and saved to send their son to agricultural college. As soon as he enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large moustache and sideburns.

Being pleased with his appearance, he had his picture tajen and sent it off to his parents. On the back of the photo he scrawled " How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Shortly after, then son received this terse note: "You idiot. It cost us a fortune to send to to agricultural college, and you just grow hair?"

Vocabs:

1. scrimped : hidup dengan hemat
2. scrawled : menulis catatan
3. a count : pangeran
4. terse : pendek dan tepat
5. It cost a fortune: mengeluarkan banyak uang
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Old 20-12-2011, 05:01 AM
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On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
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Old 20-12-2011, 05:17 AM
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An elderly woman went into the doctor`s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied: "I`d like to have some birth-control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said: "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you`re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded: "They help me sleep."
The doctor thought some more and continued: "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said: "I put them in my granddaughter`s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night!"
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Old 21-12-2011, 09:55 AM
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Pilot: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"
Pilot: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."


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