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Description:
Last-Jokes a collection of all those great jokes on the web, includes a
search engine, and a daily joke mailing list.
http://last-jokes.blogspot.com/
http://groups.google.com/group/last-jokes
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WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE
================================================== ====

by Matt Groening
.................


RELATIONSHIPS:
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to
her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots".
Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble
letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday
night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined
my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total
floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us."
This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, and
99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges
that offer courses to help men get over this need.

SEX:
Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of
foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the
foreplay.

MATURITY:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can
function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball
cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high
school romances rarely work out.

MAGAZINES:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's
magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the
female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy
and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day.
Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men
elicit laughter from women.

HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot
their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops
in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a
woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end
of the note!!!

BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average
number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store
and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his
fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery
shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches
the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's
car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from
going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

CATS:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking,
men kick cats.

LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of
clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about
eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out
of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul
and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect
to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated
by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

THE TELEPHONE:
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone
to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her
girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the
same friend and they will talk for three hours.

RICHARD GE
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.
Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who
works at the health club and dates only married women.

MADONNA:
Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

LOCKER ROOMS:
In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and
women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as
well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
Women talk about one thing in the locker-sex. And not in abstract
terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never
lie.

MOVIES:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene.
This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced
by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is
Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

TIME:
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's
using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game
just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs,
commercials, or replays.

FRIENDS:
Women on a girl's night out talk the whole time. Men on a boy's night
out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the
Doritos or Got any more beer?"

RESTROOMS:
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as
social lounges. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each
other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together
like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man
excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was
just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Description:
Last-Jokes a collection of all those great jokes on the web, includes a
search engine, and a daily joke mailing list.
http://last-jokes.blogspot.com/
http://groups.google.com/group/last-jokes
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