I have learned that every daughter-unit (Alpha and Beta for this
example) reaches a particular female milestone at some point in
their lives -- The Screaming Squeamish Stage. Luckily, with time
and patience, most are able to overcome this major stumbling block
(unless it has to do with snakes and lizards) and become mothers.

A while back, while working in my suburban patch o' dirt I did the
unthinkable and took my brain out and set it in the direct
sunlight. During this time, I didn't water it, I didn't rotate it
for equal sun burning; I just left it there.

Simultaneously, the Body-Ranger was teaching¹ D-uA and D-uB² about
the "Importance of Safety" while working with les ustensiles avec
anguleux. I lost my concentration at one point around a
sharp-and-pointy set of sheers and fumbled them. In order to
prevent my tool from dropping point-first into my steel-toe boot,
I reached out and grabbed it -- blade-first, of course. I hadn't
realized how sharp their edge was until I saw a scarlet line
across my palm³.

As I pressed my finger across the line and closed my fist, it
started to gush. Not just any normal gush, like one would receive
from an honest-to-goodness knife cut; nope... This was The Bloody
Show -- and D-u's A&B took their cue as if they'd rehearsed it for
weeks. Both bolted around to the garage screeching (the little
girl screech) like banshees about my "hand being cut off" and I
was [obviously] "bleeding to death" and She "needed to come
quick." SWMBO dropped what she was doing and managed to get D-uA
and D-uB turned around and headed back to me (there was that
momentary bit of confusion where my exact location was during
their brief exchange.)

She /was/ a little surprised that I was still standing, and
definitely annoyed that I was smiling. My blood, although all over
both hands by this point, was nowhere near the level that she'd
been led to believe by my erstwhile reporters. She led me inside,
all the while reminding me not to "bleed on the bloody carpeting,"
that I was to keep my fist closed, and, that if I opened my hand
"one more time" to look at it, the local police would become
involved because I would bleed to death... [You'd think I was a
child or something!]

SWMBO washed away the grimy and gooing mess to reveal a single cut
that a simple gauze bandage would "fix." I got a work-furlough for
the rest of the day and deciding that Body-Ranger wasn't missing
anything, and left my brain to baste itself until later that
evening.

SWMBO also took the opportunity to talk about reactions and
situational awareness but I'm pretty sure she wasted her breath.
Those acorns didn't fall far from their maternal oak. <G>

¹ It's one of the benefits of having three very active,
highly-absorbent, human sponges. Whatever Daddy is doing is
obviously going to be fun so I have a built-in audience that
serves to stroke my over-inflated ego.
² Daughter-units Alpha and Beta. The Spawn was tasking SWMBO.
³ No trip to the emergency room, ergo no stitches required and no
tetanus. (This Tim Allen-wannabe is all caught up on his shots!)

The Ranger

"The Ranger" > wrote in message
news
> I have learned that every daughter-unit (Alpha and Beta for this
> example) reaches a particular female milestone at some point in
> their lives -- The Screaming Squeamish Stage. Luckily, with time
> and patience, most are able to overcome this major stumbling block
> (unless it has to do with snakes and lizards) and become mothers.
>
> A while back, while working in my suburban patch o' dirt I did the
> unthinkable and took my brain out and set it in the direct
> sunlight. During this time, I didn't water it, I didn't rotate it
> for equal sun burning; I just left it there.
>
> Simultaneously, the Body-Ranger was teaching¹ D-uA and D-uB² about
> the "Importance of Safety" while working with les ustensiles avec
> anguleux. I lost my concentration at one point around a
> sharp-and-pointy set of sheers and fumbled them. In order to
> prevent my tool from dropping point-first into my steel-toe boot,
> I reached out and grabbed it -- blade-first, of course. I hadn't
> realized how sharp their edge was until I saw a scarlet line
> across my palm³.
>
> As I pressed my finger across the line and closed my fist, it
> started to gush. Not just any normal gush, like one would receive
> from an honest-to-goodness knife cut; nope... This was The Bloody
> Show -- and D-u's A&B took their cue as if they'd rehearsed it for
> weeks. Both bolted around to the garage screeching (the little
> girl screech) like banshees about my "hand being cut off" and I
> was [obviously] "bleeding to death" and She "needed to come
> quick." SWMBO dropped what she was doing and managed to get D-uA
> and D-uB turned around and headed back to me (there was that
> momentary bit of confusion where my exact location was during
> their brief exchange.)
>
> She /was/ a little surprised that I was still standing, and
> definitely annoyed that I was smiling. My blood, although all over
> both hands by this point, was nowhere near the level that she'd
> been led to believe by my erstwhile reporters. She led me inside,
> all the while reminding me not to "bleed on the bloody carpeting,"
> that I was to keep my fist closed, and, that if I opened my hand
> "one more time" to look at it, the local police would become
> involved because I would bleed to death... [You'd think I was a
> child or something!]
>
> SWMBO washed away the grimy and gooing mess to reveal a single cut
> that a simple gauze bandage would "fix." I got a work-furlough for
> the rest of the day and deciding that Body-Ranger wasn't missing
> anything, and left my brain to baste itself until later that
> evening.
>
> SWMBO also took the opportunity to talk about reactions and
> situational awareness but I'm pretty sure she wasted her breath.
> Those acorns didn't fall far from their maternal oak. <G>
>
> ¹ It's one of the benefits of having three very active,
> highly-absorbent, human sponges. Whatever Daddy is doing is
> obviously going to be fun so I have a built-in audience that
> serves to stroke my over-inflated ego.
> ² Daughter-units Alpha and Beta. The Spawn was tasking SWMBO.
> ³ No trip to the emergency room, ergo no stitches required and no
> tetanus. (This Tim Allen-wannabe is all caught up on his shots!)
>
> The Ranger

I know we've butted heads once, mebbe twice in the past over
'somethingorother', but I'd just like to say - I love the way your write -
keep it up please, but don't lacerate yourself to death in order to do so,
yahear?

BTW - NEXT time, let it *fall*!


Shaun aRe

In article ews.net>,
"Shaun aRe" > wrote:

> "The Ranger" > wrote in message
(snip)
> 'somethingorother', but I'd just like to say - I love the way your write -
> keep it up please, but don't lacerate yourself to death in order to do so,
> yahear?

Nonsense! It wouldn't be funny if he didn't lacerate himself. That's
the good part!!
Go, Ranger!!
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com, updated 12-18-05 - Church review (I think
I'll become a critic - Rob's been calling me one for years!)
and a toffee recipe.

In article >,
The Ranger > wrote:

> I have learned that every daughter-unit (Alpha and Beta for this
> example) reaches a particular female milestone at some point in
> their lives -- The Screaming Squeamish Stage. Luckily, with time
> and patience, most are able to overcome this major stumbling block
> (unless it has to do with snakes and lizards) and become mothers.
>
> A while back, while working in my suburban patch o' dirt I did the
> unthinkable and took my brain out and set it in the direct
> sunlight. During this time, I didn't water it, I didn't rotate it
> for equal sun burning; I just left it there.
>
> Simultaneously, the Body-Ranger was teaching¹ D-uA and D-uB² about
> the "Importance of Safety" while working with les ustensiles avec
> anguleux. I lost my concentration at one point around a
> sharp-and-pointy set of sheers and fumbled them. In order to
> prevent my tool from dropping point-first into my steel-toe boot,
> I reached out and grabbed it -- blade-first, of course. I hadn't

You dipstick! That's WHY they're steel-toed. Honey, you're not giving
your kind a good name, you know.
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com, updated 12-18-05 - Church review (I think
I'll become a critic - Rob's been calling me one for years!)
and a toffee recipe.

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In article >,
> The Ranger > wrote:
>
>
>>I have learned that every daughter-unit (Alpha and Beta for this
>>example) reaches a particular female milestone at some point in
>>their lives -- The Screaming Squeamish Stage. Luckily, with time
>>and patience, most are able to overcome this major stumbling block
>>(unless it has to do with snakes and lizards) and become mothers.
>>
>>A while back, while working in my suburban patch o' dirt I did the
>>unthinkable and took my brain out and set it in the direct
>>sunlight. During this time, I didn't water it, I didn't rotate it
>>for equal sun burning; I just left it there.
>>
>>Simultaneously, the Body-Ranger was teaching¹ D-uA and D-uB² about
>>the "Importance of Safety" while working with les ustensiles avec
>>anguleux. I lost my concentration at one point around a
>>sharp-and-pointy set of sheers and fumbled them. In order to
>>prevent my tool from dropping point-first into my steel-toe boot,
>>I reached out and grabbed it -- blade-first, of course. I hadn't
>
>
> You dipstick! That's WHY they're steel-toed. Honey, you're not giving
> your kind a good name, you know.


A hand will heel, the leather cap on the toe of a boot won't.

Best regards,
Bob

Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> In article >,
> The Ranger > wrote:
>


>>Simultaneously, the Body-Ranger was teaching¹ D-uA and D-uB² about
>>the "Importance of Safety" while working with les ustensiles avec
>>anguleux. I lost my concentration at one point around a
>>sharp-and-pointy set of sheers and fumbled them. In order to
>>prevent my tool from dropping point-first into my steel-toe boot,
>>I reached out and grabbed it -- blade-first, of course. I hadn't
>
>
(bloody stuff snipped)

> You dipstick! That's WHY they're steel-toed. Honey, you're not giving
> your kind a good name, you know.


Ya think there may be a chance he did it deliberately
to get out of the Christmas cooking and cleanup?
;-)

gloria p

PS: Heal quickly, Ranger!

In article >,
Puester > wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> > In article >,
> > The Ranger > wrote:
> >
>
>
> >>Simultaneously, the Body-Ranger was teaching¹ D-uA and D-uB² about
> >>the "Importance of Safety" while working with les ustensiles avec
> >>anguleux. I lost my concentration at one point around a
> >>sharp-and-pointy set of sheers and fumbled them. In order to
> >>prevent my tool from dropping point-first into my steel-toe boot,
> >>I reached out and grabbed it -- blade-first, of course. I hadn't
> >
> >
> (bloody stuff snipped)
>
> > You dipstick! That's WHY they're steel-toed. Honey, you're not giving
> > your kind a good name, you know.
>
>
> Ya think there may be a chance he did it deliberately
> to get out of the Christmas cooking and cleanup?
> ;-)
>
> gloria p
>
> PS: Heal quickly, Ranger!

Aha, I think you hit the Ranger on the head, Gloria.
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com, updated 12-18-05 - Church review (I think
I'll become a critic - Rob's been calling me one for years!)
and a toffee recipe.

"The Ranger" > wrote in

<big snip>

Excellent my dear Ranger! Did you save the blood for sausages (obfood)?
There must be a story concerning the retrieval of your desiccated,
sun-drenched brain! I certainly hope you got lots of kisses to make it
better!

Charlie

On Mon, 19 Dec 2005 22:57:32 -0600, Melba's Jammin'
> replied:
>In article >, Puester > wrote:
> > Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> > > In article >, The Ranger > wrote:
>> >>Simultaneously, the Body-Ranger was teaching¹ D-uA and D-uB² about
>> >>the "Importance of Safety" while working with les ustensiles avec
>> >>anguleux. I lost my concentration at one point around a
>> >>sharp-and-pointy set of sheers and fumbled them. In order to
>> >>prevent my tool from dropping point-first into my steel-toe boot,
>> >>I reached out and grabbed it -- blade-first, of course. I hadn't
>> >>
>> (bloody stuff snipped)
>>
>> > You dipstick! That's WHY they're steel-toed. Honey, you're not
>> > giving your kind a good name, you know.
>> >
>> Ya think there may be a chance he did it deliberately
>> to get out of the Christmas cooking and cleanup?
>> ;-)
>Aha, I think you hit the Ranger on the head, Gloria.
>
Ha! You're BOTH wrong! So there! 8^þ~~~~

The Ranger

On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 05:40:22 GMT, "Charles Gifford"
> replied:
>"The Ranger" > wrote in
>
><big snip>
>
>Excellent my dear Ranger! Did you save the blood for sausages
>(obfood)? There must be a story concerning the retrieval of
>your desiccated, sun-drenched brain! I certainly hope you
> got lots of kisses to make it better!

Alas, I wasn't thinking as clearly as yourself. A light poaching
in Guinness and a couple bangers with sautéed onions saved the
day, though!

The Ranger

The Ranger wrote:
> I have learned that every daughter-unit (Alpha and Beta for this
> example) reaches a particular female milestone at some point in
> their lives -- The Screaming Squeamish Stage.

Hey, Le Freak, C'est Chic!

Hand injuries bleed a lot. So do head injuries.

-L.

On 19 Dec 2005 23:21:08 -0800, "-L." >
replied:
> The Ranger wrote:
> > I have learned that every daughter-unit (Alpha and Beta for this
> > example) reaches a particular female milestone at some point in
> > their lives -- The Screaming Squeamish Stage.
> >
>Hey, Le Freak, C'est Chic!

Wouldn't that be "La Freak" because the subject is female? (It's
been too many years since I took HS French.

> Hand injuries bleed a lot. So do head injuries.

This sounds like personal experience rather than a simple warning.
<G>

I've seen head injuries but never been subject to one (*yet*¹).

The Ranger

¹ Regardless of what some might say, I have never sustained a
brain-altering concussion nor solid blow to the back of the head.

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
...
> In article ews.net>,
> "Shaun aRe" > wrote:
>
> > "The Ranger" > wrote in message
> (snip)
> > 'somethingorother', but I'd just like to say - I love the way your
write -
> > keep it up please, but don't lacerate yourself to death in order to do
so,
> > yahear?
>
> Nonsense! It wouldn't be funny if he didn't lacerate himself. That's
> the good part!!
> Go, Ranger!!

I said '... to death' - he ain't gonna be scrittin' too good from the grave
now 'is 'e?

',;~}~

Shaun aRe