The Most Misplaced Poorly-Timed Food Joke Ever
 

I was waiting for an Uber outside of PetSmart and a little girl and
her mother walk out holding those puffy bags of water and air. The
5-year girl was especially fond and proud of HER bag.

I said, "Wow - you got a nice big bag of water!"

She says, "No, silly! These are my new tiny pet fishies in here!"

I step a little closer to look at the bag, "Wow! They ARE tiny.
That is sooo neat... do they come with tiny little French fries,
too?"

About a split-second later I learned a new facial expression AND
felt the fear of God AND Satan for the first time. The facial
expression is the "grinnace". It's a cross between a grin and
grimmace. But the Fear was, without even opening her lips at the
same moment of the grimmace, I CLEARLY heard the mother say "Are you
Steve?".

Whaaa? How who....????

I don't know what the look on my face said at that moment, but in
less than one single second I was the proudest, smarttest (assed)
guy in the world AND saw my life flash before my eyes as I was
falling into a pit of snarling beasts made entirely of flames.

But as I snapped out of it, I focus my eyes 10 feet beyond the
mother, and ... it's the Uber driver calling to me through her
passenger window.

Whew, thank God, that was close. I almost denounced my devout
atheism there for a second.

Now I got that off my chest I can finish my evening nap. But just
in case, "Now I lay me down to sleep... if I die before I wake, I
give to RFC my soul to take". You can interpret that as a prayer or
a curse, your choice. While I dream of cucumber kimchi burps.

-sw

The Most Misplaced Poorly-Timed Food Joke Ever
 

On 2/6/2021 5:34 AM, Sqwertz wrote:
> I was waiting for an Uber outside of PetSmart and a little girl and
> her mother walk out holding those puffy bags of water and air. The
> 5-year girl was especially fond and proud of HER bag.
>
> I said, "Wow - you got a nice big bag of water!"
>
> She says, "No, silly! These are my new tiny pet fishies in here!"
>
> I step a little closer to look at the bag, "Wow! They ARE tiny.
> That is sooo neat... do they come with tiny little French fries,
> too?"
>
> About a split-second later I learned a new facial expression AND
> felt the fear of God AND Satan for the first time. The facial
> expression is the "grinnace". It's a cross between a grin and
> grimmace. But the Fear was, without even opening her lips at the
> same moment of the grimmace, I CLEARLY heard the mother say "Are you
> Steve?".
>
> Whaaa? How who....????
>
> I don't know what the look on my face said at that moment, but in
> less than one single second I was the proudest, smarttest (assed)
> guy in the world AND saw my life flash before my eyes as I was
> falling into a pit of snarling beasts made entirely of flames.
>
> But as I snapped out of it, I focus my eyes 10 feet beyond the
> mother, and ... it's the Uber driver calling to me through her
> passenger window.
>
> Whew, thank God, that was close. I almost denounced my devout
> atheism there for a second.
>
> Now I got that off my chest I can finish my evening nap. But just
> in case, "Now I lay me down to sleep... if I die before I wake, I
> give to RFC my soul to take". You can interpret that as a prayer or
> a curse, your choice. While I dream of cucumber kimchi burps.
>
> -sw
>
Thanks for the laugh. Imagine telling a child in a supermarket, "They
had to kill Peppa's family to make that bacon your mommy is buying."

--
--Bryan
For your safety and protection, this sig. has been thoroughly
tested on laboratory animals.

The Most Misplaced Poorly-Timed Food Joke Ever
 

On 2/6/2021 3:34 AM, Sqwertz wrote:
> I was waiting for an Uber outside of PetSmart and a little girl and
> her mother walk out holding those puffy bags of water and air. The
> 5-year girl was especially fond and proud of HER bag.
>
> I said, "Wow - you got a nice big bag of water!"
>
> She says, "No, silly! These are my new tiny pet fishies in here!"
>
> I step a little closer to look at the bag, "Wow! They ARE tiny.
> That is sooo neat... do they come with tiny little French fries,
> too?"
>
> About a split-second later I learned a new facial expression AND
> felt the fear of God AND Satan for the first time. The facial
> expression is the "grinnace". It's a cross between a grin and
> grimmace. But the Fear was, without even opening her lips at the
> same moment of the grimmace, I CLEARLY heard the mother say "Are you
> Steve?".
>
> Whaaa? How who....????
>
> I don't know what the look on my face said at that moment, but in
> less than one single second I was the proudest, smarttest (assed)
> guy in the world AND saw my life flash before my eyes as I was
> falling into a pit of snarling beasts made entirely of flames.
>
> But as I snapped out of it, I focus my eyes 10 feet beyond the
> mother, and ... it's the Uber driver calling to me through her
> passenger window.
>
> Whew, thank God, that was close. I almost denounced my devout
> atheism there for a second.
>
> Now I got that off my chest I can finish my evening nap. But just
> in case, "Now I lay me down to sleep... if I die before I wake, I
> give to RFC my soul to take". You can interpret that as a prayer or
> a curse, your choice. While I dream of cucumber kimchi burps.
>
> -sw
>

wait - was it the Uber driver that grinnaced?

The Most Misplaced Poorly-Timed Food Joke Ever
 

On 2/6/2021 6:25 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote:
> On 2/6/2021 3:34 AM, Sqwertz wrote:
>> I was waiting for an UberÂ* outside of PetSmart and a little girl and
>> her mother walk out holding those puffy bags of water and air.Â* The
>> 5-year girl was especially fond and proud of HER bag.
>>
>> I said, "Wow - you got a nice big bag of water!"
>>
>> She says, "No, silly! These are my new tiny pet fishies in here!"
>>
>> I step a little closer to look at the bag, "Wow! They ARE tiny.
>> That is sooo neat... do they come with tiny little French fries,
>> too?"
>>
>> About a split-second later I learned a new facial expression AND
>> felt the fear of God AND Satan for the first time.Â* The facial
>> expression is the "grinnace".Â* It's a cross between a grin and
>> grimmace. But the Fear was, without even opening her lips at the
>> same moment of the grimmace, I CLEARLY heard the mother say "Are you
>> Steve?".
>>
>> Whaaa? How who....????
>>
>> I don't know what the look on my face said at that moment, but in
>> less than one single second I was the proudest, smarttest (assed)
>> guy in the world AND saw my life flash before my eyes as I was
>> falling into a pit of snarling beasts made entirely of flames.
>>
>> But as I snapped out of it, I focus my eyes 10 feet beyond the
>> mother, and ... it's the Uber driver calling to me through her
>> passenger window.
>>
>> Whew, thank God, that was close.Â* I almost denounced my devout
>> atheism there for a second.
>>
>> Now I got that off my chest I can finish my evening nap.Â* But just
>> in case, "Now I lay me down to sleep... if I die before I wake, I
>> give to RFC my soul to take".Â* You can interpret that as a prayer or
>> a curse, your choice. While I dream of cucumber kimchi burps.
>>
>> -sw
>>
>
> wait - was it the Uber driver that grinnaced?

I think he meant the mommy.

--
--Bryan
For your safety and protection, this sig. has been thoroughly
tested on laboratory animals.

The Most Misplaced Poorly-Timed Food Joke Ever
 

On 2/6/2021 4:30 AM, BryanGSimmons wrote:
> On 2/6/2021 6:25 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote:
>> On 2/6/2021 3:34 AM, Sqwertz wrote:
>>> I was waiting for an UberÂ* outside of PetSmart and a little girl and
>>> her mother walk out holding those puffy bags of water and air.Â* The
>>> 5-year girl was especially fond and proud of HER bag.
>>>
>>> I said, "Wow - you got a nice big bag of water!"
>>>
>>> She says, "No, silly! These are my new tiny pet fishies in here!"
>>>
>>> I step a little closer to look at the bag, "Wow! They ARE tiny.
>>> That is sooo neat... do they come with tiny little French fries,
>>> too?"
>>>
>>> About a split-second later I learned a new facial expression AND
>>> felt the fear of God AND Satan for the first time.Â* The facial
>>> expression is the "grinnace".Â* It's a cross between a grin and
>>> grimmace. But the Fear was, without even opening her lips at the
>>> same moment of the grimmace, I CLEARLY heard the mother say "Are you
>>> Steve?".
>>>
>>> Whaaa? How who....????
>>>
>>> I don't know what the look on my face said at that moment, but in
>>> less than one single second I was the proudest, smarttest (assed)
>>> guy in the world AND saw my life flash before my eyes as I was
>>> falling into a pit of snarling beasts made entirely of flames.
>>>
>>> But as I snapped out of it, I focus my eyes 10 feet beyond the
>>> mother, and ... it's the Uber driver calling to me through her
>>> passenger window.
>>>
>>> Whew, thank God, that was close.Â* I almost denounced my devout
>>> atheism there for a second.
>>>
>>> Now I got that off my chest I can finish my evening nap.Â* But just
>>> in case, "Now I lay me down to sleep... if I die before I wake, I
>>> give to RFC my soul to take".Â* You can interpret that as a prayer or
>>> a curse, your choice. While I dream of cucumber kimchi burps.
>>>
>>> -sw
>>>
>>
>> wait - was it the Uber driver that grinnaced?
>
> I think he meant the mommy.
>

Yes, but I think anyone would.

The Most Misplaced Poorly-Timed Food Joke Ever
 

On Sat, 6 Feb 2021 06:30:40 -0600, BryanGSimmons wrote:

> On 2/6/2021 6:25 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote:
>> On 2/6/2021 3:34 AM, Sqwertz wrote:
>>> I was waiting for an Uber* outside of PetSmart and a little girl and
>>> her mother walk out holding those puffy bags of water and air.* The
>>> 5-year girl was especially fond and proud of HER bag.
>>>
>>> I said, "Wow - you got a nice big bag of water!"
>>>
>>> She says, "No, silly! These are my new tiny pet fishies in here!"
>>>
>>> I step a little closer to look at the bag, "Wow! They ARE tiny.
>>> That is sooo neat... do they come with tiny little French fries,
>>> too?"
>>>
>>> About a split-second later I learned a new facial expression AND
>>> felt the fear of God AND Satan for the first time.* The facial
>>> expression is the "grinnace".* It's a cross between a grin and
>>> grimmace. But the Fear was, without even opening her lips at the
>>> same moment of the grimmace, I CLEARLY heard the mother say "Are you
>>> Steve?".
>>>
>>> Whaaa? How who....????
>>>
>>> I don't know what the look on my face said at that moment, but in
>>> less than one single second I was the proudest, smarttest (assed)
>>> guy in the world AND saw my life flash before my eyes as I was
>>> falling into a pit of snarling beasts made entirely of flames.
>>>
>>> But as I snapped out of it, I focus my eyes 10 feet beyond the
>>> mother, and ... it's the Uber driver calling to me through her
>>> passenger window.
>>>
>>> Whew, thank God, that was close.* I almost denounced my devout
>>> atheism there for a second.
>>>
>>> Now I got that off my chest I can finish my evening nap.* But just
>>> in case, "Now I lay me down to sleep... if I die before I wake, I
>>> give to RFC my soul to take".* You can interpret that as a prayer or
>>> a curse, your choice. While I dream of cucumber kimchi burps.
>>>
>>
>> wait - was it the Uber driver that grinnaced?
>
> I think he meant the mommy.

It wasn't obvious? I think it was. That's just Bruce #2 begging for
my attention.

-sw

The Most Misplaced Poorly-Timed Food Joke Ever
 

On Sat, 6 Feb 2021 14:41:25 -0600, Sqwertz >
wrote:

>On Sat, 6 Feb 2021 06:30:40 -0600, BryanGSimmons wrote:
>
>> On 2/6/2021 6:25 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote:
>>>
>>> wait - was it the Uber driver that grinnaced?
>>
>> I think he meant the mommy.
>
>It wasn't obvious? I think it was. That's just Bruce #2 begging for
>my attention.

I'm in your head. Please let me out.

The Most Misplaced Poorly-Timed Food Joke Ever
 

Sqwertz wrote:
> On Sat, 6 Feb 2021 06:30:40 -0600, BryanGSimmons wrote:
>
>> On 2/6/2021 6:25 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote:
>>> On 2/6/2021 3:34 AM, Sqwertz wrote:
>>>> I was waiting for an Uber* outside of PetSmart and a little girl and
>>>> her mother walk out holding those puffy bags of water and air.* The
>>>> 5-year girl was especially fond and proud of HER bag.
>>>>
>>>> I said, "Wow - you got a nice big bag of water!"
>>>>
>>>> She says, "No, silly! These are my new tiny pet fishies in here!"
>>>>
>>>> I step a little closer to look at the bag, "Wow! They ARE tiny.
>>>> That is sooo neat... do they come with tiny little French fries,
>>>> too?"
>>>>
>>>> About a split-second later I learned a new facial expression AND
>>>> felt the fear of God AND Satan for the first time.* The facial
>>>> expression is the "grinnace".* It's a cross between a grin and
>>>> grimmace. But the Fear was, without even opening her lips at the
>>>> same moment of the grimmace, I CLEARLY heard the mother say "Are you
>>>> Steve?".
>>>>
>>>> Whaaa? How who....????
>>>>
>>>> I don't know what the look on my face said at that moment, but in
>>>> less than one single second I was the proudest, smarttest (assed)
>>>> guy in the world AND saw my life flash before my eyes as I was
>>>> falling into a pit of snarling beasts made entirely of flames.
>>>>
>>>> But as I snapped out of it, I focus my eyes 10 feet beyond the
>>>> mother, and ... it's the Uber driver calling to me through her
>>>> passenger window.
>>>>
>>>> Whew, thank God, that was close.* I almost denounced my devout
>>>> atheism there for a second.
>>>>
>>>> Now I got that off my chest I can finish my evening nap.* But just
>>>> in case, "Now I lay me down to sleep... if I die before I wake, I
>>>> give to RFC my soul to take".* You can interpret that as a prayer or
>>>> a curse, your choice. While I dream of cucumber kimchi burps.
>>>>
>>>
>>> wait - was it the Uber driver that grinnaced?
>>
>> I think he meant the mommy.
>
> It wasn't obvious? I think it was. That's just Bruce #2 begging for
> my attention.
>
> -sw
>

I see lot's of squirt begging for attention.

You need a mommy to hug you?

The Most Misplaced Poorly-Timed Food Joke Ever
 

Sqwertz wrote:
> On Sat, 6 Feb 2021 06:30:40 -0600, BryanGSimmons wrote:
>
>> On 2/6/2021 6:25 AM, Taxed and Spent wrote:
>>> On 2/6/2021 3:34 AM, Sqwertz wrote:
>>>> I was waiting for an Uber* outside of PetSmart and a little girl and
>>>> her mother walk out holding those puffy bags of water and air.* The
>>>> 5-year girl was especially fond and proud of HER bag.
>>>>
>>>> I said, "Wow - you got a nice big bag of water!"
>>>>
>>>> She says, "No, silly! These are my new tiny pet fishies in here!"
>>>>
>>>> I step a little closer to look at the bag, "Wow! They ARE tiny.
>>>> That is sooo neat... do they come with tiny little French fries,
>>>> too?"
>>>>
>>>> About a split-second later I learned a new facial expression AND
>>>> felt the fear of God AND Satan for the first time.* The facial
>>>> expression is the "grinnace".* It's a cross between a grin and
>>>> grimmace. But the Fear was, without even opening her lips at the
>>>> same moment of the grimmace, I CLEARLY heard the mother say "Are you
>>>> Steve?".
>>>>
>>>> Whaaa? How who....????
>>>>
>>>> I don't know what the look on my face said at that moment, but in
>>>> less than one single second I was the proudest, smarttest (assed)
>>>> guy in the world AND saw my life flash before my eyes as I was
>>>> falling into a pit of snarling beasts made entirely of flames.
>>>>
>>>> But as I snapped out of it, I focus my eyes 10 feet beyond the
>>>> mother, and ... it's the Uber driver calling to me through her
>>>> passenger window.
>>>>
>>>> Whew, thank God, that was close.* I almost denounced my devout
>>>> atheism there for a second.
>>>>
>>>> Now I got that off my chest I can finish my evening nap.* But just
>>>> in case, "Now I lay me down to sleep... if I die before I wake, I
>>>> give to RFC my soul to take".* You can interpret that as a prayer or
>>>> a curse, your choice. While I dream of cucumber kimchi burps.
>>>>
>>>
>>> wait - was it the Uber driver that grinnaced?
>>
>> I think he meant the mommy.
>
> It wasn't obvious? I think it was. That's just Bruce #2 begging for
> my attention.
>
> -sw
>

Both of you sorry assholes are the sound of a wet fart.