> wrote in message
...
> On Fri, 6 Dec 2013 09:52:55 -0000, "Ophelia"
> > wrote:
>
>>
>>
>>"Gary" > wrote in message
...
>>> Ophelia wrote:
>>>>
>>>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>>>> > I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>>>> > another one like him.
>>>>
>>>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>>>
>>> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>>> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>>> her. heheh
>>
>>Aww I am so sorry.
>
> Don't be. some people do very well on their own. I was happily
> married 43 years but don't think I would have adjusted readily again
> and know I certainly would not now. There are days when I am happy
> that I can do exactly what I want. I also know some women who are
> coping now at this stage with ailing husbands and doubt that I could
> have given the care now, that I gave then. It would be too physically
> demanding.
>
> Several years after David died I did get quite close to someone but a)
> my cat bit him and b) he dropped - and left - a wet towel on the
> bedroom carpet and warning flags were waving - that was the end of
> that! So now I usually make sure the ground rules are clear at the
> outset because a lot of widowers seem to be looking for housekeepers
> and cleaners and I am not applying for those positions

LOL ikwym) I would not be looking for anyone else if I lose mine. He is
everything to me.

btw *Ahem* *cough* what was he doing with a wet towel in your bedroom ??
eh??? Hmmmmm?????



--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

> wrote in message
...
> On Fri, 6 Dec 2013 12:26:14 -0000, "Ophelia"
> > wrote:
>
>>
>>
> wrote in message
. ..
>>> On Fri, 6 Dec 2013 09:52:55 -0000, "Ophelia"
>>> > wrote:
>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>"Gary" > wrote in message
...
>>>>> Ophelia wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>>>>>> > I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>>>>>> > another one like him.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>>>>>
>>>>> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>>>>> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>>>>> her. heheh
>>>>
>>>>Aww I am so sorry.
>>>
>>> Don't be. some people do very well on their own. I was happily
>>> married 43 years but don't think I would have adjusted readily again
>>> and know I certainly would not now. There are days when I am happy
>>> that I can do exactly what I want. I also know some women who are
>>> coping now at this stage with ailing husbands and doubt that I could
>>> have given the care now, that I gave then. It would be too physically
>>> demanding.
>>>
>>> Several years after David died I did get quite close to someone but a)
>>> my cat bit him and b) he dropped - and left - a wet towel on the
>>> bedroom carpet and warning flags were waving - that was the end of
>>> that! So now I usually make sure the ground rules are clear at the
>>> outset because a lot of widowers seem to be looking for housekeepers
>>> and cleaners and I am not applying for those positions
>>
>>LOL ikwym) I would not be looking for anyone else if I lose mine. He
>>is
>>everything to me.
>>
>>btw *Ahem* *cough* what was he doing with a wet towel in your bedroom ??
>>eh??? Hmmmmm?????
>
> Well if you don't know, you've been a married woman too long

roflmaoooooooooooooo

ehh tha's a mucky lassie lolol

--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

In article >,
sf > wrote:
>On Thu, 05 Dec 2013 16:43:41 -0500, Gary > wrote:
>
>> sf wrote:
>> >
>> > We pay people to do manual labor.
>>
>> I love it! ;-D
>>
>
>You know what Bill Cosby said? If you can throw money at a problem
>and fix it, it's not a problem. I agree with him.
>
>There are people out there that can do jobs a lot better and a lot
>faster, so why not hire them and have it done right the first time?

Because we can do the work for the cost of the materials. If we
had to pay for the labor, we could afford many fewer projects.

Oh, and there's the satisfaction of a job well done. We work
with our brains, for the most part, at our jobs. It's nice to
also work with our hands on weekends.

I treasure the photo of my husband driving a backhoe.

Cindy Hamilton
--

In article >, Gary > wrote:
>Ophelia wrote:
>>
>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>> > I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>> > another one like him.
>>
>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>
>And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>her. heheh

Perhaps you doubt your ability to learn from your mistakes. My
first marriage lasted 4 years; my second has lasted 25 years
thus far.

Cindy Hamilton
--

"Cindy Hamilton" > wrote in message
...
> In article >,
> sf > wrote:
>>On Thu, 05 Dec 2013 16:43:41 -0500, Gary > wrote:
>>
>>> sf wrote:
>>> >
>>> > We pay people to do manual labor.
>>>
>>> I love it! ;-D
>>>
>>
>>You know what Bill Cosby said? If you can throw money at a problem
>>and fix it, it's not a problem. I agree with him.
>>
>>There are people out there that can do jobs a lot better and a lot
>>faster, so why not hire them and have it done right the first time?
>
> Because we can do the work for the cost of the materials. If we
> had to pay for the labor, we could afford many fewer projects.
>
> Oh, and there's the satisfaction of a job well done. We work
> with our brains, for the most part, at our jobs. It's nice to
> also work with our hands on weekends.
>
> I treasure the photo of my husband driving a backhoe.

) Exactly
--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

On 2013-12-06 8:57 AM, Cindy Hamilton wrote:

>> There are people out there that can do jobs a lot better and a lot
>> faster, so why not hire them and have it done right the first time?
>
> Because we can do the work for the cost of the materials. If we
> had to pay for the labor, we could afford many fewer projects.

My father would roll over in his grave if I were to hire someone to do a
job that I could do myself.

My neighbour is a handyman. He actually worked for and was trained by a
handyman who specialized in working for the elderly, doing minor repairs
and upgrades so they could stay in their homes, and not gouging them the
way some contractors would. Later on he worked for a stone mason doing
chimney repairs. His wife didn't want him climbing on roofs for a
living anymore. They bought the house next door knowing that it needed a
lot of work. He has been working at it pretty well full time for most of
the last 5 years. They put it up for sale over a year ago because
everything was done, but it hasn't sold and they have not even had a
nibble, so they are doing more repairs. His labour costs nothing, he he
gets to do what he likes to do.

While some people prefer to pay someone to do work for them, some people
actually like to do the work. It is a hobby for them. My father was one
of them. He was something of a workaholic. He could do woodworking,
electrical and electronics, plumbing, mechanics, and he would go around
the house looking for things to do. He came home from work, had supper,
had a power nap and then spent the evening puttering around.

We moved in the middle of my first year of high school. It was a new
house and we moved in on Dec.1. He spent his Saturdays at the hardware
store buying and ordering materials. He painted the living room, dining
room, three bedrooms upstairs, the stairway the the half basement. He
papered the bathrooms and kitchen, tiled the basement floor, build a rec
room and drywalled workshop and laundry room. We had the family
Christmas party three weeks later and all the work had been done already.

>
> Oh, and there's the satisfaction of a job well done. We work
> with our brains, for the most part, at our jobs. It's nice to
> also work with our hands on weekends.
>
> I treasure the photo of my husband driving a backhoe.
>
Lucky guy. Lots of men would kill to be able to play with one of them.
When my neighbour had a pond dug he contracted a mutual friend and the
guy let me run it for a while. I had worked for a while as an equipment
operator so I had an idea how to do it. It's fun to do once in a while
but it is boring to do it all day every day.

On 2013-12-06 12:14:07 +0000, said:

>>> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>>> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>>> her. heheh
>>
>> Aww I am so sorry.
>
> Don't be. some people do very well on their own. I was happily
> married 43 years but don't think I would have adjusted readily again
> and know I certainly would not now. There are days when I am happy
> that I can do exactly what I want. I also know some women who are
> coping now at this stage with ailing husbands and doubt that I could
> have given the care now, that I gave then. It would be too physically
> demanding.

Insightful. Well maybe that's the wrong word, if insight is really the
product of experience. Maybe "wise" is better.

> Several years after David died I did get quite close to someone but a)
> my cat bit him and b) he dropped - and left - a wet towel on the
> bedroom carpet and warning flags were waving - that was the end of
> that! So now I usually make sure the ground rules are clear at the
> outset because a lot of widowers seem to be looking for housekeepers
> and cleaners and I am not applying for those positions

I'm quite sure that's right. On the other hand some women are too quick
to offer homemaking/housekeeping as a gift of control.

I'll hope your "flags" were something more significant than an omen
from a cat nor a wet bath towel. When first married my wife and I had
to go through a lot of "domestic negotiations", let's call them, that
involved such things as dropping clothes wherever they were removed,
leaving any cabinet or drawer open once something was retrieved, and
wholly insignificant table matters that inexplicably became paramount.
You hammer these things out, if the they seem "mendable".

That said, one's lifetime provides inexplicable coding that should be
noted, and certainly a wet towel could easily be one of those.

Without my beloved I can't imagine forging on. But I would. I can't
imagine bonding again. But I likely would, with a "second best" of
some kind; I'm a social beast. I know that before I met my wife I had
gone through a significant break-up and made a list of lessons learned
in previous relationships. I would be glad to go through another ****ed
up relationship, as long as it was ****ed up for new reasons. A few of
the qualities which were on the deal-breakers list:

Refuses to sing
Is 3 or more years younger than I
Is an only child
Is the "jealous" type
Sense of humor is tenuous
Considers art folly and/or sports significant
Is a Christian

I encourage others to make a list of what is non-negotiable in the
abstract. Then when you fall in love you can cross the things out that
don't mean as much as you thought they did. Or mayber throw the list
away if you have the courage.

I know that if I put my list together now it would simply be a clear
and accurate description of my wife.

In article <201312060948277730-xxx@yyyzzz>, gtr > wrote:
>On 2013-12-06 12:14:07 +0000, said:
>up relationship, as long as it was ****ed up for new reasons. A few of
>the qualities which were on the deal-breakers list:
>
> Refuses to sing
> Is 3 or more years younger than I
> Is an only child

What's wrong with an only child?


Cindy Hamilton
--

On Friday, December 6, 2013 10:48:27 AM UTC-7, gtr wrote:

<some deletion>
>
>
> I know that if I put my list together now it would simply be a clear
>
> and accurate description of my wife.

The making of a non-negotiable list is an excellent idea.
I think a lot of people do this in their mind when meeting
new potential mates...I know I do.

Thinking that we can always "change" the person after marriage
can be a big mistake as well. Leopards don't lose their spots and
"cougars" don't lose their snarl either.

===

On 2013-12-06 18:04:04 +0000, Cindy Hamilton said:

> In article <201312060948277730-xxx@yyyzzz>, gtr > wrote:
>> On 2013-12-06 12:14:07 +0000, said:
>> up relationship, as long as it was ****ed up for new reasons. A few of
>> the qualities which were on the deal-breakers list:
>>
>> Refuses to sing
>> Is 3 or more years younger than I
>> Is an only child
>
> What's wrong with an only child?

It's my personal list, you can write your own of course. I think
there's important and fundmental low-code learning that goes on when
the prince/princess of a family has to deal with either being usurped
or learning to share their fiefdom with a newer, younger and apparently
more greatly-loved younger sibling, or two or three.

Just my own conclusions after a lifetime's study, though admittedly a
single sample size; me.

On 2013-12-06 18:28:51 +0000, Roy said:

> On Friday, December 6, 2013 10:48:27 AM UTC-7, gtr wrote:
>
>> I know that if I put my list together now it would simply be a clear
>> and accurate description of my wife.
>
> The making of a non-negotiable list is an excellent idea.
> I think a lot of people do this in their mind when meeting
> new potential mates...I know I do.

For me the act of writing them down, proved really helpful. It also
represented previous failed circumstances I didn't want to replicate.
Likely a significantly jealous woman which for me is a guarantee of
failure. I'm fond of saying "I've screwed up a number of significant
relationships--but never for the same reason". I'm proud of that.

> Thinking that we can always "change" the person after marriage
> can be a big mistake as well. Leopards don't lose their spots and
> "cougars" don't lose their snarl either.

But this "change" thing is also negotiable. Eventually you find a place
where you can accept a teeth-sucker, smokers or vegans. And in any
case some soul-mates can evolve into something that wasn't previously
negotiated.

In a men's group once, a wise man kept asking a guy who couldn't manage
to shape a girlfriend into a wife: "If you couldn't change her one
iota, if this is the best it would ever get, would it be acceptable?"
If not, it's just putting off the inevitable.

But there's the other angle too; how much would I give up of my
personal habits and attitudes in order to connect with someone that
seems perfect for me? As it turns out, quite a bit. A lot of people
can learn to hang up towels, for example, though they may not be able
to come to Jesus. For example.

In article <2013120611325193197-xxx@yyyzzz>, gtr > wrote:
>On 2013-12-06 18:04:04 +0000, Cindy Hamilton said:
>
>> In article <201312060948277730-xxx@yyyzzz>, gtr > wrote:
>>> On 2013-12-06 12:14:07 +0000, said:
>>> up relationship, as long as it was ****ed up for new reasons. A few of
>>> the qualities which were on the deal-breakers list:
>>>
>>> Refuses to sing
>>> Is 3 or more years younger than I
>>> Is an only child
>>
>> What's wrong with an only child?
>
>It's my personal list, you can write your own of course. I think
>there's important and fundmental low-code learning that goes on when
>the prince/princess of a family has to deal with either being usurped
>or learning to share their fiefdom with a newer, younger and apparently
>more greatly-loved younger sibling, or two or three.
>
>Just my own conclusions after a lifetime's study, though admittedly a
>single sample size; me.
>

Hmm. Well, I wouldn't know, having been an only child and an only grandchild.

I'm married to the youngest of 5 boys. He's certainly the pick of the
litter.

Cindy Hamilton
--

On 2013-12-06 19:56:48 +0000, Cindy Hamilton said:

>>> What's wrong with an only child?
>>
>> It's my personal list, you can write your own of course. I think
>> there's important and fundmental low-code learning that goes on when
>> the prince/princess of a family has to deal with either being usurped
>> or learning to share their fiefdom with a newer, younger and apparently
>> more greatly-loved younger sibling, or two or three.
>>
>> Just my own conclusions after a lifetime's study, though admittedly a
>> single sample size; me.
>
> Hmm. Well, I wouldn't know, having been an only child and an only grandchild.
>
> I'm married to the youngest of 5 boys. He's certainly the pick of the
> litter.

Had my experience gone differently I might insist on a future spouse
being only the "first born" about whom there are a great deal of
characteristic qualities rumored.

But that's just the viewpoint of a "middle child". :-)

In article <201312061215174269-xxx@yyyzzz>, gtr > wrote:
>On 2013-12-06 19:56:48 +0000, Cindy Hamilton said:
>
>>>> What's wrong with an only child?
>>>
>>> It's my personal list, you can write your own of course. I think
>>> there's important and fundmental low-code learning that goes on when
>>> the prince/princess of a family has to deal with either being usurped
>>> or learning to share their fiefdom with a newer, younger and apparently
>>> more greatly-loved younger sibling, or two or three.
>>>
>>> Just my own conclusions after a lifetime's study, though admittedly a
>>> single sample size; me.
>>
>> Hmm. Well, I wouldn't know, having been an only child and an only grandchild.
>>
>> I'm married to the youngest of 5 boys. He's certainly the pick of the
>> litter.
>
>Had my experience gone differently I might insist on a future spouse
>being only the "first born" about whom there are a great deal of
>characteristic qualities rumored.
>
>But that's just the viewpoint of a "middle child". :-)

Well, his oldest brother is 10 years older than DH, and the fourth
one in line was 4 years older than DH, so it was kind of like he was
an only. Except he knows a ton of dirty tricks, from having had to
defend himself as the smallest one. The rootbeer-barrel candy in
the shower head is probably the funniest.

My first husband was an oldest. He wasn't a bad person, or anything.
Our life trajectories were going in different directions, and we
happened to meet when they were at about the same place.

Cindy Hamilton
--

wrote:
>
> On Fri, 6 Dec 2013 09:52:55 -0000, "Ophelia"
> > wrote:
>
> >
> >
> >"Gary" > wrote in message ...
> >> Ophelia wrote:
> >>>
> >>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
> >>> > I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
> >>> > another one like him.
> >>>
> >>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
> >>
> >> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
> >> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
> >> her. heheh
> >
> >Aww I am so sorry.
>
> Don't be. some people do very well on their own. I was happily
> married 43 years but don't think I would have adjusted readily again
> and know I certainly would not now. There are days when I am happy
> that I can do exactly what I want.

I agree once again! My early years of marriage (9 years total) were
very nice and I hold those fond memories. Only the last 1-2 years did
it go bad and turn into the marriage from hell. Once we split, I got
our daughter to raise (by mutual agreement, no fighting for custody)
and I loved every minute of doing everything I could to raise her the
best that I could.

She was age 7 at the time and she lived here with me until age 20 when
she graduated from community college. The next year, she went to UVA
and moved away to live in a dorm. That was a really sad time to
realize that my job was done and she was now gone, probably for good.

Anyway, I do very well on my own finally. I can do exactly what I want
to do and whenever I want to do it. I love this single freedom. I'm
not desperate for a mate. That said, I'm still open to a new
relationship as long as I run across a woman that comes close to a
"soul mate." I haven't given up, I've just quit shopping. heheh

No matter what happens, I'm cool...I've got a ferret! :-D

G.

Ophelia wrote:
>
> "Gary" wrote:
> > And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
> > remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
> > her. heheh
>
> Aww I am so sorry.

Don't be sorry. The ex is a nice person...hey...I married her. We
just drifted apart at the end but I do still cherish the early years.
It's all good and certainly ancient history now.

G.

"gtr" > wrote in message news:2013120611325193197-xxx@yyyzzz...
> On 2013-12-06 18:04:04 +0000, Cindy Hamilton said:
>
>> In article <201312060948277730-xxx@yyyzzz>, gtr > wrote:
>>> On 2013-12-06 12:14:07 +0000, said:
>>> up relationship, as long as it was ****ed up for new reasons. A few of
>>> the qualities which were on the deal-breakers list:
>>>
>>> Refuses to sing
>>> Is 3 or more years younger than I
>>> Is an only child
>>
>> What's wrong with an only child?
>
> It's my personal list, you can write your own of course. I think
> there's important and fundmental low-code learning that goes on when
> the prince/princess of a family has to deal with either being usurped
> or learning to share their fiefdom with a newer, younger and apparently
> more greatly-loved younger sibling, or two or three.
>
> Just my own conclusions after a lifetime's study, though admittedly a
> single sample size; me.

Huh. An only child I was! A princess I was not!!!

--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

> wrote in message
...

> You sound cool and you never know what the future holds, maybe even
> another ferret I love that you kept your daughter - my eldest
> granddaughter finally threw an asshole out last week who should have
> been thrown out five years ago. My advice to her was to revisit her
> friend who kept his little boy when he split from his then wife. I
> pointed out to her that any man who keeps the child has something
> special going for him, it's far from usual.

Yes indeed)
--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

> wrote in message
...

> The other difficulty is that now one might take someone on, everything
> seems good, then illness hits. Sorry, but throwing down towels was
> not something I could tolerate, nor did I wish to alter, not worth it.
> Besides I have to admit he was young enough that when we were out I
> worried I would a) meet one of my kids b) have a waiter say 'does
> your mother want another drink?' - so jettisoning seemed a good
> solution

Pity about that towel though eh? )

--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

"Gary" > wrote in message ...
> Ophelia wrote:
>>
>> "Gary" wrote:
>> > And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>> > remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>> > her. heheh
>>
>> Aww I am so sorry.
>
> Don't be sorry. The ex is a nice person...hey...I married her. We
> just drifted apart at the end but I do still cherish the early years.
> It's all good and certainly ancient history now.

I pleased you have some good memories


--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

"Gary" > wrote in message ...

> I agree once again! My early years of marriage (9 years total) were
> very nice and I hold those fond memories. Only the last 1-2 years did
> it go bad and turn into the marriage from hell. Once we split, I got
> our daughter to raise (by mutual agreement, no fighting for custody)
> and I loved every minute of doing everything I could to raise her the
> best that I could.
>
> She was age 7 at the time and she lived here with me until age 20 when
> she graduated from community college. The next year, she went to UVA
> and moved away to live in a dorm. That was a really sad time to
> realize that my job was done and she was now gone, probably for good.
>
> Anyway, I do very well on my own finally. I can do exactly what I want
> to do and whenever I want to do it. I love this single freedom. I'm
> not desperate for a mate. That said, I'm still open to a new
> relationship as long as I run across a woman that comes close to a
> "soul mate." I haven't given up, I've just quit shopping. heheh
>
> No matter what happens, I'm cool...I've got a ferret! :-D

.... and a daughter who loves you to bits <g>

--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

> wrote in message
...
> On Fri, 6 Dec 2013 09:52:55 -0000, "Ophelia"
> > wrote:
>
>>
>>
>>"Gary" > wrote in message
...
>>> Ophelia wrote:
>>>>
>>>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>>>> > I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>>>> > another one like him.
>>>>
>>>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>>>
>>> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>>> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>>> her. heheh
>>
>>Aww I am so sorry.
>
> Don't be. some people do very well on their own. I was happily
> married 43 years but don't think I would have adjusted readily again
> and know I certainly would not now. There are days when I am happy
> that I can do exactly what I want. I also know some women who are
> coping now at this stage with ailing husbands and doubt that I could
> have given the care now, that I gave then. It would be too physically
> demanding.
>
> Several years after David died I did get quite close to someone but a)
> my cat bit him and b) he dropped - and left - a wet towel on the
> bedroom carpet and warning flags were waving - that was the end of
> that! So now I usually make sure the ground rules are clear at the
> outset because a lot of widowers seem to be looking for housekeepers
> and cleaners and I am not applying for those positions

By the same token, a lot of women are looking for *younger* men! They don't
want to look after someone but they sure as hell want to *be* looked after
and the trouble is, they don't seem to be aware of the double standard!
Graham

"Gary" > wrote in message ...
> Ophelia wrote:
>>
>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>> > I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>> > another one like him.
>>
>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>
> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
> her. heheh
>
Same here! Some time, long after the divorce was final, I saw a small ad in
the singles column (this was waaaay before the internet). The profile looked
ideal but something held me back. Then I realised from the syntax that it
was my ex!!!!!!!!

I also found that during those first years as a newly singled, my financial
situation was tight (I wasn't creamed by the divorce as so many men are).
However, I still found that too many potential partners were more interested
in my wallet than me.
Graham

In article >,
says...
>
> On Friday, December 6, 2013 10:48:27 AM UTC-7, gtr wrote:
>
> <some deletion>
> >
> >
> > I know that if I put my list together now it would simply be a clear
> >
> > and accurate description of my wife.
>
> The making of a non-negotiable list is an excellent idea.
> I think a lot of people do this in their mind when meeting
> new potential mates...I know I do.
>
> Thinking that we can always "change" the person after marriage
> can be a big mistake as well.

Thinking that would never even have occurred to me. If you don't love
someone as they are, why marry them?

Janet UK

On 2013-12-06 5:20 PM, graham wrote:
> > wrote in message
> ...
>> On Fri, 6 Dec 2013 09:52:55 -0000, "Ophelia"
>> > wrote:
>>
>>>
>>>
>>> "Gary" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>> Ophelia wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>>>>>> I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>>>>>> another one like him.
>>>>>
>>>>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>>>>
>>>> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>>>> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>>>> her. heheh
>>>
>>> Aww I am so sorry.
>>
>> Don't be. some people do very well on their own. I was happily
>> married 43 years but don't think I would have adjusted readily again
>> and know I certainly would not now. There are days when I am happy
>> that I can do exactly what I want. I also know some women who are
>> coping now at this stage with ailing husbands and doubt that I could
>> have given the care now, that I gave then. It would be too physically
>> demanding.
>>
>> Several years after David died I did get quite close to someone but a)
>> my cat bit him and b) he dropped - and left - a wet towel on the
>> bedroom carpet and warning flags were waving - that was the end of
>> that! So now I usually make sure the ground rules are clear at the
>> outset because a lot of widowers seem to be looking for housekeepers
>> and cleaners and I am not applying for those positions
>
> By the same token, a lot of women are looking for *younger* men! They don't
> want to look after someone but they sure as hell want to *be* looked after
> and the trouble is, they don't seem to be aware of the double standard!
>

They have to be young enough to be able to pick up wet towels and to
have a job to take her out to dinner. Someone might be expected to go
out and cut the lawn on a hot day because that is man's work, but if he
drops a wet towel on the floor and forgets to pick it up.... there is
hell to pay.
There is indeed a double standard.

"graham" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Gary" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Ophelia wrote:
>>>
>>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>>> > I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>>> > another one like him.
>>>
>>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>>
>> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>> her. heheh
>>
> Same here! Some time, long after the divorce was final, I saw a small ad
> in the singles column (this was waaaay before the internet). The profile
> looked ideal but something held me back. Then I realised from the syntax
> that it was my ex!!!!!!!!
>
> I also found that during those first years as a newly singled, my
> financial situation was tight (I wasn't creamed by the divorce as so many
> men are). However, I still found that too many potential partners were
> more interested in my wallet than me.

That is horrible. But when you first meet surely they don't know about your
wallet? You must be able to work them out in that time before they do?

--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

"Ophelia" > wrote in message
...
>
>
> "graham" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Gary" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> Ophelia wrote:
>>>>
>>>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>>>> > I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>>>> > another one like him.
>>>>
>>>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>>>
>>> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>>> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>>> her. heheh
>>>
>> Same here! Some time, long after the divorce was final, I saw a small ad
>> in the singles column (this was waaaay before the internet). The profile
>> looked ideal but something held me back. Then I realised from the syntax
>> that it was my ex!!!!!!!!
>>
>> I also found that during those first years as a newly singled, my
>> financial situation was tight (I wasn't creamed by the divorce as so many
>> men are). However, I still found that too many potential partners were
>> more interested in my wallet than me.
>
> That is horrible. But when you first meet surely they don't know about
> your wallet? You must be able to work them out in that time before they
> do?
>
Well it was pretty obvious when they found out my profession.
Graham

"graham" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Ophelia" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>>
>> "graham" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>
>>> "Gary" > wrote in message
>>> ...
>>>> Ophelia wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>>>>> > I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>>>>> > another one like him.
>>>>>
>>>>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>>>>
>>>> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>>>> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>>>> her. heheh
>>>>
>>> Same here! Some time, long after the divorce was final, I saw a small ad
>>> in the singles column (this was waaaay before the internet). The profile
>>> looked ideal but something held me back. Then I realised from the syntax
>>> that it was my ex!!!!!!!!
>>>
>>> I also found that during those first years as a newly singled, my
>>> financial situation was tight (I wasn't creamed by the divorce as so
>>> many men are). However, I still found that too many potential partners
>>> were more interested in my wallet than me.
>>
>> That is horrible. But when you first meet surely they don't know about
>> your wallet? You must be able to work them out in that time before they
>> do?
>>
> Well it was pretty obvious when they found out my profession.

You do realise that you may have been more suspicious than necessary?
Such a shame

--
http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/shop/

On 2013-12-06 20:37:29 +0000, Cindy Hamilton said:

> In article <201312061215174269-xxx@yyyzzz>, gtr > wrote:
>> On 2013-12-06 19:56:48 +0000, Cindy Hamilton said:
>>
>>>>> What's wrong with an only child?
>>>>
>>>> It's my personal list, you can write your own of course. I think
>>>> there's important and fundmental low-code learning that goes on when
>>>> the prince/princess of a family has to deal with either being usurped
>>>> or learning to share their fiefdom with a newer, younger and apparently
>>>> more greatly-loved younger sibling, or two or three.
>>>>
>>>> Just my own conclusions after a lifetime's study, though admittedly a
>>>> single sample size; me.
>>>
>>> Hmm. Well, I wouldn't know, having been an only child and an only grandchild.
>>>
>>> I'm married to the youngest of 5 boys. He's certainly the pick of the
>>> litter.
>>
>> Had my experience gone differently I might insist on a future spouse
>> being only the "first born" about whom there are a great deal of
>> characteristic qualities rumored.
>>
>> But that's just the viewpoint of a "middle child". :-)
>
> Well, his oldest brother is 10 years older than DH, and the fourth
> one in line was 4 years older than DH, so it was kind of like he was
> an only. Except he knows a ton of dirty tricks, from having had to
> defend himself as the smallest one.

See that right there is the the kind of survivalist things you learn with sibs.

> The rootbeer-barrel candy in the shower head is probably the funniest.
>
> My first husband was an oldest. He wasn't a bad person, or anything.
> Our life trajectories were going in different directions, and we
> happened to meet when they were at about the same place.
>
> Cindy Hamilton

On 2013-12-06 21:32:10 +0000, Ophelia said:

> "gtr" > wrote in message news:2013120611325193197-xxx@yyyzzz...
>> On 2013-12-06 18:04:04 +0000, Cindy Hamilton said:
>>
>>> In article <201312060948277730-xxx@yyyzzz>, gtr > wrote:
>>>> On 2013-12-06 12:14:07 +0000, said:
>>>> up relationship, as long as it was ****ed up for new reasons. A few of
>>>> the qualities which were on the deal-breakers list:
>>>>
>>>> Refuses to sing
>>>> Is 3 or more years younger than I
>>>> Is an only child
>>>
>>> What's wrong with an only child?
>>
>> It's my personal list, you can write your own of course. I think
>> there's important and fundmental low-code learning that goes on when
>> the prince/princess of a family has to deal with either being usurped
>> or learning to share their fiefdom with a newer, younger and apparently
>> more greatly-loved younger sibling, or two or three.
>>
>> Just my own conclusions after a lifetime's study, though admittedly a
>> single sample size; me.
>
> Huh. An only child I was! A princess I was not!!!

I'm sure you're quite right, m'lady.

On 2013-12-06 20:24:12 +0000, said:

> The other difficulty is that now one might take someone on, everything
> seems good, then illness hits.

The more you love they more you risk...

> Sorry, but throwing down towels was not something I could tolerate, nor
> did I wish to alter, not worth it.

Hey, everybody makes their own investment decisions. For some, eating
peas one at a time with a fork is a deal breaker...

> Besides I have to admit he was young enough that when we were out I
> worried I would a) meet one of my kids b) have a waiter say 'does your
> mother want another drink?' - so jettisoning seemed a good solution

Understood. My item 3:

Is 3 or more years younger than I

"gtr" > wrote in message news:2013120617185325292-xxx@yyyzzz...
> On 2013-12-06 21:32:10 +0000, Ophelia said:
>
>>
>> Huh. An only child I was! A princess I was not!!!

There is still time.

On 2013-12-07 00:14:13 +0000, Dave Smith said:

>> Just sayin', this could go either way. I've known neat freaks of both
>> sexes.
>
> Yes, she did. If their relationship ended on the basis of her cat
> biting him and his leaving a damp towel on the floor I would say he got
> out of it in time.

Okay then--a win/win situation!

On 2013-12-07 01:22:25 +0000, gtr said:

> Understood. My item 3:
>
> Is 3 or more years younger than I

Note, that item is a "deal-breaker" not a qualification!

On 12/6/2013 6:57 AM, Cindy Hamilton wrote:
> In article >,
> sf > wrote:
>> On Thu, 05 Dec 2013 16:43:41 -0500, Gary > wrote:
>>
>>> sf wrote:
>>>>
>>>> We pay people to do manual labor.
>>>
>>> I love it! ;-D
>>>
>>
>> You know what Bill Cosby said? If you can throw money at a problem
>> and fix it, it's not a problem. I agree with him.
>>
>> There are people out there that can do jobs a lot better and a lot
>> faster, so why not hire them and have it done right the first time?
>
> Because we can do the work for the cost of the materials. If we
> had to pay for the labor, we could afford many fewer projects.
>
> Oh, and there's the satisfaction of a job well done. We work
> with our brains, for the most part, at our jobs. It's nice to
> also work with our hands on weekends.
>
> I treasure the photo of my husband driving a backhoe.
>
> Cindy Hamilton
>

Thank goodness there wasn't a misplaced "l" in that last sentence...

On Fri, 06 Dec 2013 18:46:33 -0700, "Pearl F. Buck"
> wrote:

> On 12/6/2013 6:57 AM, Cindy Hamilton wrote:
> >
> > I treasure the photo of my husband driving a backhoe.
> >
> > Cindy Hamilton
> >
>
> Thank goodness there wasn't a misplaced "l" in that last sentence...

Wish I could understand what you were trying to infer. My font makes
I and l look the same, but other than the I - l thingie... I (eye)
just plain don't get it.

--
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

On 2013-12-07 04:40:39 +0000, said:

> On Sat, 07 Dec 2013 08:39:53 +1100, John J > wrote:
>
>> On Fri, 06 Dec 2013 17:30:02 -0400, wrote:
>>
>>> You sound cool and you never know what the future holds, maybe even
>>> another ferret I love that you kept your daughter - my eldest
>>> granddaughter finally threw an asshole out last week who should have
>>> been thrown out five years ago. My advice to her was to revisit her
>>> friend who kept his little boy when he split from his then wife. I
>>> pointed out to her that any man who keeps the child has something
>>> special going for him, it's far from usual.
>>
>> It's unusual because the mother almost always gets awarded custody. If
>> the father gets custody, it's not because he has something special
>> going for him, but the mother does. Severe drug addiction, for
>> instance.
>
> He fought for his son and received him, round here the myth that
> mothers always get the children, is just that, a myth. It's more the
> fathers can't imagine bringing up a child.

More often than not, fathers and mothers do whatever circumstances
demand. Sometimes better, sometimes worse.

On 2013-12-07 04:43:38 +0000, said:

> On Fri, 6 Dec 2013 15:20:19 -0700, "graham" > wrote:
>
>>
>> > wrote in message
>> ...
>>> On Fri, 6 Dec 2013 09:52:55 -0000, "Ophelia"
>>> > wrote:
>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> "Gary" > wrote in message
>>>> ...
>>>>> Ophelia wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> "Cindy Hamilton" wrote:
>>>>>>> I've often said I will never remarry, because I could never find
>>>>>>> another one like him.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Exactly the same for me with mine )))
>>>>>
>>>>> And then there's me. Divorced for about 25 years now. I never
>>>>> remarried because I was afraid that I *would* find another just like
>>>>> her. heheh
>>>>
>>>> Aww I am so sorry.
>>>
>>> Don't be. some people do very well on their own. I was happily
>>> married 43 years but don't think I would have adjusted readily again
>>> and know I certainly would not now. There are days when I am happy
>>> that I can do exactly what I want. I also know some women who are
>>> coping now at this stage with ailing husbands and doubt that I could
>>> have given the care now, that I gave then. It would be too physically
>>> demanding.
>>>
>>> Several years after David died I did get quite close to someone but a)
>>> my cat bit him and b) he dropped - and left - a wet towel on the
>>> bedroom carpet and warning flags were waving - that was the end of
>>> that! So now I usually make sure the ground rules are clear at the
>>> outset because a lot of widowers seem to be looking for housekeepers
>>> and cleaners and I am not applying for those positions
>>
>> By the same token, a lot of women are looking for *younger* men! They don't
>> want to look after someone but they sure as hell want to *be* looked after
>> and the trouble is, they don't seem to be aware of the double standard!
>> Graham
>>
> Maybe but younger men often appreciate that 'older' women are not
> looking for a permanent meal ticket.

I can't imagine what younger men appreciate. I'm that far away from
the mindset.

On 2013-12-07 04:50:06 +0000, said:

> On Fri, 6 Dec 2013 17:22:25 -0800, gtr > wrote:
>
>> On 2013-12-06 20:24:12 +0000, said:
>>
>>> The other difficulty is that now one might take someone on, everything
>>> seems good, then illness hits.
>>
>> The more you love they more you risk...
>>
>>> Sorry, but throwing down towels was not something I could tolerate, nor
>>> did I wish to alter, not worth it.
>>
>> Hey, everybody makes their own investment decisions. For some, eating
>> peas one at a time with a fork is a deal breaker...
>>
>>> Besides I have to admit he was young enough that when we were out I
>>> worried I would a) meet one of my kids b) have a waiter say 'does your
>>> mother want another drink?' - so jettisoning seemed a good solution
>>
>> Understood. My item 3:
>>
>> Is 3 or more years younger than I
>
> Nah three or more years is okay

To each their own. When I make cultural references I don't like having
to explain them like some history teacher.

On 12/6/2013 10:13 PM, sf wrote:
> On Fri, 06 Dec 2013 18:46:33 -0700, "Pearl F. Buck"
> > wrote:
>
>> On 12/6/2013 6:57 AM, Cindy Hamilton wrote:
>>>
>>> I treasure the photo of my husband driving a backhoe.
>>>
>>> Cindy Hamilton
>>>
>>
>> Thank goodness there wasn't a misplaced "l" in that last sentence...
>
> Wish I could understand what you were trying to infer. My font makes
> I and l look the same, but other than the I - l thingie... I (eye)
> just plain don't get it.
>

I guess it was a tough ho to plow, given the fonted el...I'll lay off
now ;-)