Marking Time


And God came unto him in a dream and said, "Tonight at 11:45pm you
will die." He awoke startled. It was 11 in the morning. He had 12
hours and 45 minutes to live. A strong believer, he could not bring
himself to challenge the word of God.

As zero hour approached he began to pray more and more fervently. His
eyes were closed. He was trembling. But he was ready. He had said
his prayers and could only hope he had atoned for his sins. But the
suspense was killing him.

"When, when?", he cried, opening his eyes to see on the clock radio it
was already 12:15am, a half hour past the deadline declared by God.
He had beaten death. Even better, he had beaten God.

"What a fool I was to believe in such a silly dream", he said,
laughing hysterically with great relief, jumping high in the air and
clicking his heels in celebration.

He turned on the radio and the first thing he heard was, "In case you
have forgotten, please remember, you were supposed to have turned your
clocks back one hour at midnight."

"Oh my God", he said, "no, no, no." Turns out it was really only
11:15pm, not 12:15am. He thought he had tricked God, but God had
tricked him. A half later he keeled over dead and was sent straight
to hell on a charge of laughing at God in the first degree. No
parole.

Hope you remembered to set your clocks back tonight. Be grateful for
time, it's all you've got.

TJ

"Tommy Joe" > wrote in message
...
<snip>
> Hope you remembered to set your clocks back tonight.
>
> TJ

you just changed your clocks (tonight, Monday night)? You must have been an
hour early for Mass on Sunday... Hopefully, that was enough time for you to
confess all your sins to the padre before the service started.

In article >, says...
>
> "Tommy Joe" > wrote in message
> ...
> <snip>
> > Hope you remembered to set your clocks back tonight.
> >
> > TJ
>
> you just changed your clocks (tonight, Monday night)? You must have been an
> hour early for Mass on Sunday... Hopefully, that was enough time for you to
> confess all your sins to the padre before the service started.

You assume that we all attend a house of worship on Sunday. I choose not
to do so.

Back when I met the SO he was befuddled by my going to Sunday services
which involved getting together with a buddy of mine for breakfast at a
local eatery.

On Nov 6, 3:36 am, "Richard K." > wrote:


> you just changed your clocks (tonight, Monday night)? You must have been an
> hour early for Mass on Sunday... Hopefully, that was enough time for you to
> confess all your sins to the padre before the service started.



A guy leaves a confession booth and walks out into the street
feeling cleansed in his soul. He is ready. He is free of sin. Lost
in the reverie of the moment he fails to see an advancing car and is
smashed to the ground. But he is still alive.

"I don't want to die", he mutters to himself in the same stupid
way lots of people mutter the same phrase when they know they're about
to go, as if God is going to pay special attention to them over others
in the same boat. But deep in his heart the guy knows he is ready,
having just emerged from the confession booth sin free.

The ambulance arrives. He thinks to himself maybe he will live
after alll. But he can tell there was something wrong inside his
body. Maybe he was bleeding internally. He sensed it. The
paramedics got out of the ambulance and approached. One was a young,
good-looking female with large breasts. She bent low over his face to
grab his arm to take his pulse, her tits slathered softly all over his
face. "Wow, these are the best tits ever", he thought to himself.

Then he remembered that lustful thoughts are a sin and could
keep him out of heaven, maybe deliver him to hell. He tried to block
the woman's tits from his mind. She had nice legs too. He wondered
why such a good looking woman would take such a low-brow job. (that's
right - low brow - I've known a few paramedics personally). He even
tried staring at the male paramedic's cock to diminish his own
burgeoning hard-on from driving even more lustful thoughts to his
flaming brain.

It was like that old car tuneup commercial where the auto
mechanic says, "You can pay now, or you can pay a lot more later, it's
up to you." It was heaven the guy wanted - one form or another - take
it now with the tits or later with streets paved with gold. He opted
for the tits. As she leaned forward again to adjust the blood
pressure cuff, her tits flopping all over his face, he tightened his
legs around his burgeoning cock and squeezed until he climaxed with
great enjoyment even as at that moment he felt death overtaking him.
His cock grew so huge from this once in a lifetime climax that his
cock burst clean through his pants right before it jolted and pulsated
and shot stream after stream of *** straight into the air as a crowd
of onlookers applauding while others looked away in fear or disgust.
It was the greatest orgasm of his life, and it wasn't just the tits,
it was the combination of cumming and dying at the same time.
Exquisite.

But also scary, for now he knew he was going to have to deal
with the judgment of God. Would it be an understanding God who would
let the guy's last-second mis-fire slide, or would it be a vengeful
God who maxes out on the dude and sends him to flaming hell forever?
The guy is dead and no one knows. After they die, those who were at
the accident scene will know. Wherever God sends them, if the guy is
there, they will know that God has sent him to the same place. If
he's not there, they will know he was sent to the other.

By the way, I jerked off after reading my post,
TJ

On Nov 6, 11:56*pm, T > wrote:

> You assume that we all attend a house of worship on Sunday. I choose not
> to do so.
>
> Back when I met the SO he was befuddled by my going to Sunday services
> which involved getting together with a buddy of mine for breakfast at a
> local eatery.



I assume nothing. I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
time. We were wearing 1930's style double-breasted suits with wide-
brimmed fedoras hats and wing tip shoes (couldn't find any spats),
like something straight out of an old black and white gangster flick.

We sat in there and listened to "the minister" talking about a
recent trip he made to Africa. We came in midway through, so really I
didn't know what he was talking about, and neither did my buddy. But
we got enough info so that when the guy was done with his sermon and
asked if anyone had any questions, I stood up and asked something
sarcastic in a theatrical big city gangster voice from the 30s. He
answered seriously. My buddy then asked a question. Same thing. Our
questions were designed to humiliate and denigrate the crowd for their
stupid belief, but as it turns out they seemed to enjoy the show and
as we left I noted their faces were brighter and healthier in glow
than when we had arrived. I almost felt a bit guilty about what we
did, but that guilt was diminished by the reception we received from
the crowd - one we did not expect. Always nice to get a nice
surprise.

What does SO stand for?
TJ

"Tommy Joe" > wrote in message
news:150e3fe5-bc79-4e11-a85d-

What does SO stand for?
TJ

======

Significant Other.

Cheri

On Wed, 7 Nov 2012 21:26:31 -0800 (PST), Tommy Joe
> wrote:



> I assume nothing. I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
>was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
>laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
>time.

Sobriety is so over rated.

Tommy Joe wrote:
>
>I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
>was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
>laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
>time.

Which was it, 18 or 16... with that start obviously a BS story ensues.
At that age why didn't you have a girlfriend instead of doing sicko
things with a guy... at 14 I was praying at the Church of Holy T&A.

"Zombie Hampster" > wrote in message
...
> On Thu, 08 Nov 2012 06:15:16 -0500, Ed Pawlowski > wrote:
>
>>On Wed, 7 Nov 2012 21:26:31 -0800 (PST), Tommy Joe
> wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>>> I assume nothing. I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
>>>was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
>>>laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
>>>time.
>>
>>Sobriety is so over rated.
>
> Especially when you're 18 claiming to be 16!

or, 96 claiming 69.

Brooklyn1 wrote:
>
> Tommy Joe wrote:
> >
> >I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
> >was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
> >laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
> >time.
>
> Which was it, 18 or 16... with that start obviously a BS story ensues.
> At that age why didn't you have a girlfriend instead of doing sicko
> things with a guy... at 14 I was praying at the Church of Holy T&A.

I've always wondered that too, Sheldon. So many single guys seem to hang out
with the guys all the time. Screw that, i was never a guy-group fellow. I
went after (and often got the girls).

If I wasn't with some interesting female at night, I prefered to stay home
alone. I've never understood that guy-group mentality. They were probably
all secret homos, just waiting for one of them to make the first move. eheh

G.

On Nov 7, 9:26*pm, Tommy Joe > wrote:
> On Nov 6, 11:56*pm, T > wrote:
>
> > You assume that we all attend a house of worship on Sunday. I choose not
> > to do so.
>
> > Back when I met the SO he was befuddled by my going to Sunday services
> > which involved getting together with a buddy of mine for breakfast at a
> > local eatery.
>
> * * I assume nothing. *I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
> was 14. *Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
> laughs. *We picked the church at random. *We were both 16 at the
> time. *We were wearing 1930's style double-breasted suits with wide-
> brimmed fedoras hats and wing tip shoes (couldn't find any spats),
> like something straight out of an old black and white gangster flick.
>
> * * *We sat in there and listened to "the minister" talking about a
> recent trip he made to Africa. *We came in midway through, so really I
> didn't know what he was talking about, and neither did my buddy. *But
> we got enough info so that when the guy was done with his sermon and
> asked if anyone had any questions, I stood up and asked something
> sarcastic in a theatrical big city gangster voice from the 30s. *He
> answered seriously. *My buddy then asked a question. *Same thing. *Our
> questions were designed to humiliate and denigrate the crowd for their
> stupid belief, but as it turns out they seemed to enjoy the show and
> as we left I noted their faces were brighter and healthier in glow
> than when we had arrived. *I almost felt a bit guilty about what we
> did, but that guilt was diminished by the reception we received from
> the crowd - one we did not expect. *Always nice to get a nice
> surprise.
>
> What does SO stand for?
> TJ

and then I suppose you jerked off...or at least tried.

On Thu, 08 Nov 2012 19:05:32 -0500, Gary > wrote:

>Brooklyn1 wrote:
>>
>> Tommy Joe wrote:
>> >
>> >I am 65 and haven't been in a church since I
>> >was 14. Well, when I was 18 I went into one with a buddy just for
>> >laughs. We picked the church at random. We were both 16 at the
>> >time.
>>
>> Which was it, 18 or 16... with that start obviously a BS story ensues.
>> At that age why didn't you have a girlfriend instead of doing sicko
>> things with a guy... at 14 I was praying at the Church of Holy T&A.
>
>I've always wondered that too, Sheldon. So many single guys seem to hang out
>with the guys all the time. Screw that, i was never a guy-group fellow. I
>went after (and often got the girls).
>
>If I wasn't with some interesting female at night, I prefered to stay home
>alone. I've never understood that guy-group mentality. They were probably
>all secret homos, just waiting for one of them to make the first move. eheh

There's more truth there than you think. I never had close male
friends. All of my close friends have been female. I've discovered
two truths, most men are closet gays and most men are too competitive
to trust. Most men are too ascared of females, they're too
uncomfortable with their inadequacy with females, both physically and
emotionally... they're much more comfortable with high fiving and butt
grabbing other males with whom the most profound thing they share is a
six pack. I don't do sport bars, I don't do sports period. Males who
spend every moment with ball games are closet fags, sharing the big
game with other males is the universal escape from addressing their
own fruitiness. Why do you think so many men do team sports, they
can't pull themselves away from the locker room. You think those big
males on the gridiron are real he men, WRONG! They're all queers,
every last one of them... do yoose have any idea how many males get
married and have kids... that charade of a marriage lasts up until the
moment wifey discovers every time they've kissed she's been sucking
countless dicks by proxy.

On Nov 8, 2:07*am, "Cheri" > wrote:

> Significant Other.
>
> Cheri



Thanks. I swear to God, if I were on a quiz show and they gave me
at least two minutes to think it over - ok, maybe 5 minutes - ok,
maybe the whole show - I would eventually figure it out on my own.
But I was not in a quiz-show mood, so I appreciate the response.

TJ

On Nov 8, 6:15*am, Ed Pawlowski > wrote:



> Sobriety is so over rated.



I guess I'm not as smart as I thought. I don't know what you
mean. Back when I was a kid and full of gusto I did not need booze to
spark my lunacy into the public spotlight. I pulled all sorts of
stunts on an almost daily basis. One time me and a buddy who looked
considerably older pulled a stunt in a public restroom - a clean,
orderly below-the-street restroom with an attendant - that I really
enjoyed.

My buddy had a fake badge and a toy set of handcuffs we got at
Woolworth's down the block. He comes up behind me with the attendant
watching and touches my shoulder and asks loudly, "Are you Thomas
Joseph?"

I said, "Yeah, what of it?"

He already had his fake badge out. Now he yanked the cuffs from
his pocket and said, "Do you want to come along peaceably, or do I
have to throw these on you?"

I turned and swung. It was choreographed of course. He ducked
low and came up with a punch to my stomach. I went down and he yanked
me up (with a bit of help from me), put the cuffs on me and yanked me
by my shoulder and said, "Let's go buddy, you're going away for a long
time."

The funny part came when the attendant, who fell for the act,
jumped in as we were leaving, and, trying to impress my buddy 'the
cop' began yelling, "I knew it, I knew it when I first saw him - I
knew there was something wrong about that guy."

He was serious. It seemed he wanted to kiss the ass of my
buddy's fake cop in case he needed him at some future point. Or maybe
I did look suspicious. Maybe I got too much into character and over
played my part, making myself look too suspicious. Or maybe I have a
criminal look and can't recognize it myself. Not knowing these things
makes me want to kill. I need a drink.

TJ

On Nov 8, 9:17*am, Brooklyn1 <Gravesend1> wrote:

> Which was it, 18 or 16... with that start obviously a BS story ensues.
> At that age why didn't you have a girlfriend instead of doing sicko
> things with a guy... at 14 I was praying at the Church of Holy T&A.


You are an argument seeker and for you there is no cure, but I
will answer your snide question anyway by saying the age was 16, not
18, and that it was a type or a moment of absent-mindedness. Don't
worry, I was attending the church of T&A before I was 14. Back then
they were every bit as mysterious and hard to find as God himself. I
found God in a book, T&A in a magazine - Sunshine and Health was the
order of the day back then. The real thing came along later. I was
at my prime in my early teens, more ready than ever, but could not get
too far past the sweater. I enjoyed the torment. Now when I am old
and nearly useless they flock to me. I think they can sense when a
guy can't get a hard-on. It's a win-win for them, like marrying a guy
doing life in jail and playing the "Oh God I wish we were together"
routine while secretly hoping the guy is never released.

TJ

TJ

On Nov 8, 9:46*pm, Brooklyn1 <Gravesend1> wrote:



> that charade of a marriage lasts up until the
> moment wifey discovers every time they've kissed she's been sucking
> countless dicks by proxy.


I love lumping people into categories, same as you. You say all
guys who hang together and love sports are closet gays. Could be.
But I say all people who get married are selfish people using each
other as stepping stones until something better comes along. If they
remain married till death do they part it's either because they're too
old to tolerate the stress of divorce and the change it will bring to
their lives, or because nobody better has come along, or because
nobody better wants anything to do with them. While we're at it, all
fat people are pathological liars. Ever notice that?

TJ

"Tommy Joe" > wrote in message
...
On Nov 8, 9:46 pm, Brooklyn1 <Gravesend1> wrote:



> that charade of a marriage lasts up until the
> moment wifey discovers every time they've kissed she's been sucking
> countless dicks by proxy.


I love lumping people into categories, same as you. You say all
guys who hang together and love sports are closet gays. Could be.
But I say all people who get married are selfish people using each
other as stepping stones until something better comes along. If they
remain married till death do they part it's either because they're too
old to tolerate the stress of divorce and the change it will bring to
their lives, or because nobody better has come along, or because
nobody better wants anything to do with them. While we're at it, all
fat people are pathological liars. Ever notice that?

TJ

---

When I had a condo, my next door neighbor was getting married and decided to
rent out his place. He's beaming and smiling and all happy. He says he
found a couple of renters and they are ***. He tells me gays are neat and
will take good care of the place!... About 9 months later, I see him again
and he is looking kinda downtrodden. Says the *** couple trashed his place.
Drew some giant mural on one of the walls and he was going to have to remove
it and paint over it. And there was glitter and crap all over. Rug might
need replacing. They left in a hurry, and in the mail one of the guys got a
court summons in the mail.

On Fri, 9 Nov 2012 07:47:45 -0500, "Richard K." >
wrote:

> When I had a condo, my next door neighbor was getting married and decided to
> rent out his place. He's beaming and smiling and all happy. He says he
> found a couple of renters and they are ***. He tells me gays are neat and
> will take good care of the place!... About 9 months later, I see him again
> and he is looking kinda downtrodden. Says the *** couple trashed his place.
> Drew some giant mural on one of the walls and he was going to have to remove
> it and paint over it. And there was glitter and crap all over. Rug might
> need replacing. They left in a hurry, and in the mail one of the guys got a
> court summons in the mail.

You hear all kinds of rental stories. The husband of a friend of mine
was temporarily reassigned to a different part of the country, so they
rented out their home (which had just been extensively remodeled) for
a year. They rented to 3 very nice girls who were airline
stewardesses. When they returned, it looked like someone had taken a
hammer to their hardwood floors. Apparently the girls wore stiletto
heals inside the house and that's what caused all the damage.

--
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

"sf" > wrote in message
...
> On Fri, 9 Nov 2012 07:47:45 -0500, "Richard K." >
> wrote:
>
>> When I had a condo, my next door neighbor was getting married and decided
>> to
>> rent out his place. He's beaming and smiling and all happy. He says he
>> found a couple of renters and they are ***. He tells me gays are neat
>> and
>> will take good care of the place!... About 9 months later, I see him
>> again
>> and he is looking kinda downtrodden. Says the *** couple trashed his
>> place.
>> Drew some giant mural on one of the walls and he was going to have to
>> remove
>> it and paint over it. And there was glitter and crap all over. Rug
>> might
>> need replacing. They left in a hurry, and in the mail one of the guys
>> got a
>> court summons in the mail.
>
> You hear all kinds of rental stories. The husband of a friend of mine
> was temporarily reassigned to a different part of the country, so they
> rented out their home (which had just been extensively remodeled) for
> a year. They rented to 3 very nice girls who were airline
> stewardesses. When they returned, it looked like someone had taken a
> hammer to their hardwood floors. Apparently the girls wore stiletto
> heals inside the house and that's what caused all the damage.

I do not miss apartment life. Last condo I had the lady above me had a
hardwood floor and would walk around in hard heeled shoes. Then she broke
her leg and would lug her cast around pounding on the wood floor. I was
sorry she had a broken leg, but it sounded like she was hammering on my
ceiling when she would walk around.

On Nov 9, 12:01*pm, sf > wrote:

> You hear all kinds of rental stories. *The husband of a friend of mine
> was temporarily reassigned to a different part of the country, so they
> rented out their home (which had just been extensively remodeled) for
> a year. *They rented to 3 very nice girls who were airline
> stewardesses. *When they returned, it looked like someone had taken a
> hammer to their hardwood floors. *Apparently the girls wore stiletto
> heals inside the house and that's what caused all the damage.



Sorry, I know, exceptions to all rules, but generally when one
rents he takes a chance. As a driver, I rented (or leased), taxis to
drive for a living, never owning my own or even considering it. I
could never own and drive a cab and then lease it to someone else,
even if I have the best insurance in the world. I just think it's a
headache, even though I have no direct experience with renting out
things myself, only being a witness to it. As for me, I was a cab
owner's delight as I took good care of what I rented, considering it
my own. But I saw other rented cabs and the drivers who rented them
and wondered how anyone could possibly submit to renting what they own
to slobs like that. I know they need the money, can't make enough
just driving, so they have to lease the car out - but I would have
trouble doing that. I wonder now if one of the first thing your
friend's husband will do if he ever rents the house out again is to
ask the prospective renters if they wear stiletto heels along with a
series of other well thought out questions to ascertain the habits
their habits, and then an additional lie detector test to see if their
answers to test #1 were honest.

TJ

On Nov 9, 4:02*pm, "Richard K." > wrote:

> I do not miss apartment life. *Last condo I had the lady above me had a
> hardwood floor and would walk around in hard heeled shoes. *Then she broke
> her leg and would lug her cast around pounding on the wood floor. *I was
> sorry she had a broken leg, but it sounded like she was hammering on my
> ceiling when she would walk around.


If you had enough money you could rent the top floor of a small
apartment building, maybe 4 apartments on each floor, use only one for
yourself while leaving the others empty, even at extra cost, so as to
attain quietude from all sides. If after a year you feel like moving,
just drag the stuff to one of the empties on your floor. It's like
putting money in a jukebox and pressing "Silent" to get x amount of
quiet time instead of another set of songs. Renting is great if you
get the right place. We're all renting anyway when all is said and
done.

TJ

"Tommy Joe" > wrote in message
...
On Nov 9, 12:01 pm, sf > wrote:

> You hear all kinds of rental stories. The husband of a friend of mine
> was temporarily reassigned to a different part of the country, so they
> rented out their home (which had just been extensively remodeled) for
> a year. They rented to 3 very nice girls who were airline
> stewardesses. When they returned, it looked like someone had taken a
> hammer to their hardwood floors. Apparently the girls wore stiletto
> heals inside the house and that's what caused all the damage.



Sorry, I know, exceptions to all rules,
---

tell us the story about the square circle you once saw, while on LSD.

"Tommy Joe" > wrote in message
...
On Nov 9, 4:02 pm, "Richard K." > wrote:

> I do not miss apartment life. Last condo I had the lady above me had a
> hardwood floor and would walk around in hard heeled shoes. Then she broke
> her leg and would lug her cast around pounding on the wood floor. I was
> sorry she had a broken leg, but it sounded like she was hammering on my
> ceiling when she would walk around.


If you had enough money you could rent the top floor of a small
apartment building, maybe 4 apartments on each floor, use only one for
yourself while leaving the others empty, even at extra cost, so as to
attain quietude from all sides. If after a year you feel like moving,
just drag the stuff to one of the empties on your floor. It's like
putting money in a jukebox and pressing "Silent" to get x amount of
quiet time instead of another set of songs. Renting is great if you
get the right place. We're all renting anyway when all is said and
done.

TJ

---

true. And all temps...

On Nov 9, 10:20*pm, "Richard K." > wrote:

> true. *And all temps...



Except for me. It's my dream and it will go on forever with me
as chief orchestrator. You are right though, everyone's stay here is
only temporary, as in time I, the one who controls the dream, will
find other more interesting and up-to-date characters to take the
place of those I dispose. You are alive now only because you are in
my dream. When it's time for me to drop you from my dream or force
you to leave my dream, at that time you will cease to exist - although
I could put you on hold for a return visit in the future if I feel so
inclined.

We all must die, I'm kind of looking forward to it with some degree of
interest
TJ