My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
and desserts.

Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
candied walnuts and gougeres.

We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
appetizer."

She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....

She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.

If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
ego.

What would _you_ have done?

fuming in ri

"maxine in ri" > wrote in message
...
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

I would have taken it as you did, but I would not be taking part in her
dinner party again. I am afraid your hostess was NOT gracious.

maxine in ri wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."

How kind of your host to decide that someone who couldn't follow
directions would get to dictate the whole evening for everyone else.

>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

Served everything, been properly grateful to ALL the contributors, and
tried to remember that the person who couldn't follow directions
probably has issues I don't know about, and was probably not trying to
ruin anything for anyone.

Serene

--
42 Magazine, celebrating life with meaning. Issue 2 is here!
http://42magazine.com

"I tend to come down on the side of autonomy. Once people are grown up,
I believe they have the right to go to hell in the handbasket of their
choosing." -- Pat Kight, on alt.polyamory

Serene Vannoy > wrote:

>> What would _you_ have done?

>Served everything, been properly grateful to ALL the contributors, and
>tried to remember that the person who couldn't follow directions
>probably has issues I don't know about, and was probably not trying to
>ruin anything for anyone.

That's my thinking as well. Whatever is compelling this person
to overreach in an attempt to control events and/or show off, be
happy you are not that person with that sort of compulsion.

The host fell down a bit on graciousness, but I've seen worse.

Personally I would re-attend the event in the future if the event was
enjoyable for me. I would not boycott it out of priciple.

Steve

maxine in ri wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host
> supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad
> with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the
> hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."
>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other
> people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

"It was extremely kind of you to bring all these things. Of course,
you realize others were asked to bring the (appetizer), (sides),
(dessert) whatever. I'll be happy to put yours aside for you, to take
home when you leave." (smile gently)". Period.

"Dora" > wrote in message
...
> maxine in ri wrote:
>> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
>> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
>> and desserts.
>>
>> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
>> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>>
>> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
>> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
>> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
>> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
>> appetizer."
>>
>> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
>> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
>> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>>
>> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>>
>> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
>> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
>> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
>> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
>> ego.
>>
>> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> fuming in ri
>
> "It was extremely kind of you to bring all these things. Of course, you
> realize others were asked to bring the (appetizer), (sides), (dessert)
> whatever. I'll be happy to put yours aside for you, to take home when you
> leave." (smile gently)". Period.

Exactly!! It is all very well pandering to the person who brought
everything, but what about Maxine??? How dare she be put aside for doing as
requested!

maxine in ri wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad.

What kind of crack is that? "Oh, we don't need a salad" leaves you
standing there like the dingbat who was in the wrong.

> This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."

Then it's the appetizer. Not the salad.

> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

I certainly wouldn't have had the other guests put their assigned
courses in the coatroom.

nancy

In article
>,
maxine in ri > wrote:

> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

Left and gone home.
--
Peace! Om

"Human nature seems to be to control other people until they put their foot down."
--Steve Rothstein

Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>

Subscribe:

"maxine in ri" wrote

> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.

I dislike being 'assigned' a dish, but do not at all mind a sign up list, or
a conglom while we all offer what we wanna bring and settle it out.

> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread,
>
> the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought ..
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so

> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.

I too would be angry. It isnt polite to start with the 'assign' a dish, but
if one must, then you *never* dump the assigned person's gift in favor of
some other person who rudely brought a competing one.

We had one like that many years ago at our simple neighbor gathers. She'd
try to 'one up' other folks dishes so we would 'ooh and ahh' over what a
great cook she thought she was. She was 'de-invited'. Afterall, if Amy was
bringing a simple green bean cassarole, she didnt need to sit there turning
beet red while 'The Ass' tried to trump it all with her version. We wanted
Amy's version and her conversation.

In article >,
"Dora" > wrote:

> maxine in ri wrote:
> > My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host
> > supplies
> > the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> > and desserts.
> >
> > Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad
> > with
> > candied walnuts and gougeres.
> >
> > We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> > second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the
> > hostess
> > said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> > salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> > appetizer."
> >
> > She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> > to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> > gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
> >
> > She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
> >
> > If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> > guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> > offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other
> > people
> > share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> > ego.
> >
> > What would _you_ have done?
> >
> > fuming in ri
>
> "It was extremely kind of you to bring all these things. Of course,
> you realize others were asked to bring the (appetizer), (sides),
> (dessert) whatever. I'll be happy to put yours aside for you, to take
> home when you leave." (smile gently)". Period.

Some people are pretty inflexible, so I guess you'd have to be there to
know, but my personal philosophy is that you almost can't have too many
appetizers and salads. I love beets, but my wife hates them. If that
salad was mostly beets, my wife would miss out on salad, which is a
favorite of hers. Others don't like citrus. I would take some of each.
Two kinds of bread sounds good also.

--
Dan Abel
Petaluma, California USA

Omelet wrote:
> In article
> >,
> maxine in ri > wrote:
>
>> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> fuming in ri
>
> Left and gone home.

(laugh) I didn't want to say it. I thought it.

nancy

In article >,
"cshenk" > wrote:

> "maxine in ri" wrote
>
> > My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> > the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> > and desserts.
>
> I dislike being 'assigned' a dish, but do not at all mind a sign up list, or
> a conglom while we all offer what we wanna bring and settle it out.
>
> > Dh and i were assigned salad and bread,
> >
> > the hostess
> > said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought ..
> > She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
>
> > If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> > guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> > offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> > share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> > ego.
>
> I too would be angry. It isnt polite to start with the 'assign' a dish, but
> if one must, then you *never* dump the assigned person's gift in favor of
> some other person who rudely brought a competing one.
>
> We had one like that many years ago at our simple neighbor gathers. She'd
> try to 'one up' other folks dishes so we would 'ooh and ahh' over what a
> great cook she thought she was. She was 'de-invited'. Afterall, if Amy was
> bringing a simple green bean cassarole, she didnt need to sit there turning
> beet red while 'The Ass' tried to trump it all with her version. We wanted
> Amy's version and her conversation.

As hostess, it'd behoove her to simply let both people put out their
offerings, then let the other guests decide what they want to eat.

Same as any other potluck!

We have potlucks all the time at work and a signup list is put up. If
someone brings their signed up offering and other stuff, it's ALL put
out! No harm, no foul. :-)
--
Peace! Om

"Human nature seems to be to control other people until they put their foot down."
--Steve Rothstein

Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>

Subscribe:

On Dec 6, 2:09*pm, maxine in ri > wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. *As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. *This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."
>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

I'd give it to the hostess--straight. You might still want to call
her and explain your position and whether you will participate again.
See how she worms out of this one.

On Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:59:05 -0600, Omelet >
wrote:

>In article
>,
> maxine in ri > wrote:
>
>> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> fuming in ri
>
>Left and gone home.

And taken my food with me.
--
Susan N.

"Moral indignation is in most cases two percent moral,
48 percent indignation, and 50 percent envy."
Vittorio De Sica, Italian movie director (1901-1974)

On Dec 6, 11:09 am, maxine in ri > wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."

> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

What would I have done in your place, or as the hostess? In your
place I would have handed the salad to her and said, "Here's the salad
you asked me to bring. Please do whatever you like with it." And I
wouldn't raise my hands to take it back from her if it looked like she
wanted to give it back. In her place I'd have served everything
brought by everyone and counseled the overeager person privately that
bringing unwanted things was both unnecessary and troublesome.

It's always fun to play Dear Abby with these weird social problems
people post about; our lives are obviously too boring. -aem

On Sun, 06 Dec 2009 11:36:57 -0800, Serene Vannoy
> wrote:

>Served everything, been properly grateful to ALL the contributors, and
>tried to remember that the person who couldn't follow directions
>probably has issues I don't know about, and was probably not trying to
>ruin anything for anyone.

Bingo! Who knows if she even had issues? Maybe she's been to enough
"dinner parties" where there wasn't enough food or someone fell
through at the last minute and she wanted to make sure there was
enough (if that's an "issue", so be it).

The idea of serving the gougères as an appetizer was excellent.
Sounds like Maxine rolled with the punches - but I would *not* have
rolled over and hidden my salad in the coatroom. I would have put in
the kitchen or wherever the prepared dishes were to be placed.

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

maxine in ri > wrote in message
...
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."
>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

"That's nice. Here's my contribution to tonight's meal. Please set it out in
addition to the additional salad so people have a choice."

On the way out, after dinner and guests had gone, depending on how well I
knew the hostess, I'd ask about the one that brought all the food. There is
really no good reason for someone to trump so many dishes.

The Ranger

In article >,
The Cook > wrote:

> On Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:59:05 -0600, Omelet >
> wrote:
>
> >In article
> >,
> > maxine in ri > wrote:
> >
> >> What would _you_ have done?
> >>
> >> fuming in ri
> >
> >Left and gone home.
>
> And taken my food with me.

Of course! ;-)
--
Peace! Om

"Human nature seems to be to control other people until they put their foot down."
--Steve Rothstein

Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>

Subscribe:

maxine in ri wrote:
>
> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."
>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

Not a lot other than putting whatever I'd been assigned on the table
anyway, with a smile. The hostess clearly isn't well-educated in proper
dinner party etiquette. Next time, don't go to that house.

On Dec 6, 4:16*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
> Omelet wrote:
> > In article
> > >,
> > maxine in ri > wrote:
>
> >> What would _you_ have done?
>
> >> fuming in ri
>
> > Left and gone home.
>
> (laugh) *I didn't want to say it. *I thought it.
>
> nancy

Me too, but some of these were DH's friends, so I was a civil doobee
for his sake.

maxine in ri

On Dec 6, 5:14*pm, aem > wrote:
> On Dec 6, 11:09 am, maxine in ri > wrote:
>
>
>
> > My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> > the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> > and desserts.
>
> > Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> > candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> > We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> > second couple there. *As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> > said "Oh, we don't need a salad. *This other person brought a lovely
> > salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> > appetizer."
> > She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> > to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> > gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> > She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> > If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> > guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> > offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> > share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> > ego.
>
> > What would _you_ have done?
>
> What would I have done in your place, or as the hostess? *In your
> place I would have handed the salad to her and said, "Here's the salad
> you asked me to bring. *Please do whatever you like with it." *And I
> wouldn't raise my hands to take it back from her if it looked like she
> wanted to give it back. *In her place I'd have served everything
> brought by everyone and counseled the overeager person privately that
> bringing unwanted things was both unnecessary and troublesome.
>
> It's always fun to play Dear Abby with these weird social problems
> people post about; our lives are obviously too boring. * * -aem

I'd take boring over having to sit through that again!

maxine in ri

maxine in ri wrote:
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last summer and I
asked what we could bring. The hostess suggested that I bring some
cheeses from our local cheese shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese
sold there is very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different
cheeses.... $45. I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that
when we showed up there was no room on the table because other people
had brought dishes. the cheese never got served.

The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The next
time I will just get one or two pieces.

On Dec 6, 1:16*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
> Omelet wrote:
> > In article
> > >,
> > maxine in ri > wrote:
>
> >> What would _you_ have done?
>
> >> fuming in ri
>
> > Left and gone home.
>
> (laugh) *I didn't want to say it. *I thought it.

SWMBO laughed when she read this. She would've done just what Maxine
did; fumed quietly. 'Course, the moment we returned to the car, I'd've
heard about it. From that point onward, wild horses would not be able
to drag her back to that hostess' house.

She'd actually been thinking about this while prepping holiday
cookies; she offered up, "Okay; good night then," and turning to me
would just as "innocently" say, "<insert movie title> is still
playing. Didn't you mention you'd rather go to that instead of this
meal?" Sometimes, it's just best to put it all out on the table. <EG>

The Ranger

Dave > wrote in message
m...
[snip]
> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last summer and I
> asked what we could bring. The hostess suggested that I bring some cheeses
> from our local cheese shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there
> is very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses....
> $45. I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that when we showed up
> there was no room on the table because other people had brought dishes.
> the cheese never got served.
>
> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The next
> time I will just get one or two pieces.

I also don't mind sharing food and company; it's that draw that keeps us
going to them. I don't like stocking other people's larder, though, which it
sounds like you did.

The Ranger

In article
>,
maxine in ri > wrote:

> On Dec 6, 4:16*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
> > Omelet wrote:
> > > In article
> > > >,
> > > maxine in ri > wrote:
> >
> > >> What would you have done?
> >
> > >> fuming in ri
> >
> > > Left and gone home.
> >
> > (laugh) *I didn't want to say it. *I thought it.
> >
> > nancy
>
> Me too, but some of these were DH's friends, so I was a civil doobee
> for his sake.
>
> maxine in ri

Congrats on the restraint. ;-)
--
Peace! Om

"Human nature seems to be to control other people until they put their foot down."
--Steve Rothstein

Web Albums: <http://picasaweb.google.com/OMPOmelet>

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maxine in ri wrote:
> My husband's church has "small group dinners"
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."


THEN SERVE IT AS AN APPETIZER and serve my salad as it was meant
to be! Your hostess wasn't very tactful was she?

>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>

Is she usually this passive aggressive, egotistical, or just
clueless?

> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.

I agree with your suggestion. Your hostess was pretty much 50%
of the problem. How could she not think about YOUR feelings, too?

> What would _you_ have done?
>
> fuming in ri

I'd have been fuming also, in fact I am on your behalf.

As hostess, I would have served the gyoza as an appetizer and
the beets-and pomegranates as a second salad. (There are SOME
people, usually well-intentioned, who don't like beets, remember?)

Has this happened with this group before? It sounds as though
the rules haven't been stressed enough or some folk don't think
the rules apply to them. (Hm, why is it always the same people?)

Hugs and sympathy,
gloria p

The Ranger wrote:
> Dave > wrote in message
> m...
> [snip]
>> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last summer and I
>> asked what we could bring. The hostess suggested that I bring some cheeses
>> from our local cheese shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there
>> is very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses....
>> $45. I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that when we showed up
>> there was no room on the table because other people had brought dishes.
>> the cheese never got served.
>>
>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The next
>> time I will just get one or two pieces.
>
> I also don't mind sharing food and company; it's that draw that keeps us
> going to them. I don't like stocking other people's larder, though, which it
> sounds like you did.

I didn't look at it that way. The truth is that I really enjoy these
people and they invite us to parties at their place once or twice a year
and we keep meaning to have them out here. They put on a great spread. I
don't mind contributing. In this case she specifically mentioned that
she would like some cheese from our local cheese shop. I don't think
that she knew how expensive it was. She had a huge spread of food, most
of which was uneaten.

On Sun, 6 Dec 2009 16:05:14 -0800 (PST), maxine in ri
> wrote:

>On Dec 6, 4:16*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>> Omelet wrote:
>> > In article
>> > >,
>> > maxine in ri > wrote:
>>
>> >> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> >> fuming in ri
>>
>> > Left and gone home.
>>
>> (laugh) *I didn't want to say it. *I thought it.
>>
>> nancy
>
>Me too, but some of these were DH's friends, so I was a civil doobee
>for his sake.
>
>maxine in ri

I don't think it merited that kind of response, Maxine. I think you
handled it well. If it makes you feel any better, you could always
call the hostess, pretend to be confused and ask what happened.

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

maxine in ri wrote:

> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
> and desserts.
>
> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>
> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
> appetizer."
>
> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>
> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>
> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
> ego.
>
> What would _you_ have done?

I'd have just served everything. So you have two salads: So what? Maybe
there are those twisted deviants out there who don't LIKE beets. Or
pomegranates.

Bob

On Sun, 6 Dec 2009 16:06:39 -0800 (PST), maxine in ri
> wrote:

>On Dec 6, 5:14*pm, aem > wrote:
>>
>> It's always fun to play Dear Abby with these weird social problems
>> people post about; our lives are obviously too boring. * * -aem
>
>I'd take boring over having to sit through that again!
>
I take it that even without that little fiasco you didn't enjoy the
evening. Good enough excuse not to do it again.


--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Ranée at Arabian Knits wrote:

>
> That is true. We used to belong to a church body that had hugely
> attended feasts, but it was usually four or five of us (families) that
> ended up bringing most of the food. It wasn't an attempt to show anyone
> up, just knowing that there would be a lot of people who were hungry and
> we were the families who generally did the most cooking anyway, and
> tended to bring lots of hungry young fry with us.

There always seems to be a small core of people who do the work and bear
the expense. There was an odd situation in my wife's church. There was
one family that was very well represented in the women's auxiliary. One
of our neighbours, her three sisters, her mother, her aunts and cousins
were all heavily involved. Some people were intimidated and got all
paranoid that this family was taking over everything. I can understand
them wanting to get other people involved. I have a hard time faulting
this family for doing far more than their share of the work.

Bob Terwilliger wrote:
> maxine in ri wrote:
>
>> My husband's church has "small group dinners" where the host supplies
>> the main course and assigns the guests the appetizer, salads, sides,
>> and desserts.
>>
>> Dh and i were assigned salad and bread, so I made a Citrus salad with
>> candied walnuts and gougeres.
>>
>> We arrived precisely at 6:30 as requested, to find that we were the
>> second couple there. As I placed my food on the counter, the hostess
>> said "Oh, we don't need a salad. This other person brought a lovely
>> salad of beets and pomegranates, which is what she considered an
>> appetizer."
>>
>> She also brought (which I wasn't told) a basket of artisan bread, so
>> to be graceful, I put the salad in the coatroom and suggested the
>> gougeres would be nice for the appetizers.....
>>
>> She _also_ brought gyozo and sauce for the hors d'ouvres.
>>
>> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
>> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
>> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
>> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
>> ego.
>>
>> What would _you_ have done?
>
> I'd have just served everything. So you have two salads: So what? Maybe
> there are those twisted deviants out there who don't LIKE beets. Or
> pomegranates.
>

Serving everything would have been the way to go. My wife hates beets.
She would have liked a choice. I know that I would have been miffed if
asked to bring something and that I was told to leave in the the coat
room and take it home with me. Better to upset the one person who could
not follow simple instructions than to insult the many others who had
done as requested. Personally, if it had happened to me, I don't think
there would be a second chance.

"Dave Smith" > wrote in message
m...
> maxine in ri wrote:
>>
>> If I had been the hostess, I probably would have told her, as the
>> guests who were assigned those courses arrived, that while her
>> offerings were lovely, it would be kind of her to let the other people
>> share theirs rather than have the other guests shoved aside for her
>> ego.
>>
>> What would _you_ have done?
>>
>> fuming in ri
>
> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last summer and I
> asked what we could bring. The hostess suggested that I bring some cheeses
> from our local cheese shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there
> is very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses....
> $45. I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that when we showed up
> there was no room on the table because other people had brought dishes.
> the cheese never got served.
>
> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The next
> time I will just get one or two pieces.
>

I had someone offer to make a dessert if I purchased the ingredients as it
included an ingredient I was allergic to. I did so and took them all over
to her. She lived across the street. The night of the dinner, she "forgot"
the dessert and forgot to return the leftovers of the ingredients. I never
allowed another person to contribute to a meal.

Debbie

Debbie wrote:
>
>
>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The
>> next time I will just get one or two pieces.
>>
>
> I had someone offer to make a dessert if I purchased the ingredients as
> it included an ingredient I was allergic to. I did so and took them all
> over to her. She lived across the street. The night of the dinner, she
> "forgot" the dessert and forgot to return the leftovers of the
> ingredients. I never allowed another person to contribute to a meal.


I think that would really **** me off.

"Dave Smith" > wrote in message
...
> Debbie wrote:
>>
>>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The next
>>> time I will just get one or two pieces.
>>>
>>
>> I had someone offer to make a dessert if I purchased the ingredients as
>> it included an ingredient I was allergic to. I did so and took them all
>> over to her. She lived across the street. The night of the dinner, she
>> "forgot" the dessert and forgot to return the leftovers of the
>> ingredients. I never allowed another person to contribute to a meal.
>
>
> I think that would really **** me off.
>

That it did. Especially when she didn't go across the street to get it,
just said she forgot it. I am thinking she probably just didn't make it and
didn't want to own up to it.

Debbie

Dave Smith > wrote in message
m...
> The Ranger wrote:
>> Dave > wrote in message
>> m...
>> [snip]
>>> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last
>>> summer and I asked what we could bring. The hostess
>>> suggested that I bring some cheeses from our local cheese
>>> shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there is
>>> very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses.... $45.
>>> I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that
>>> when we showed up there was no room on the table because
>>> other people had brought dishes the cheese never got served.
>>>
>>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her.
>>> The next time I will just get one or two pieces.
>>>
>> I also don't mind sharing food and company; it's that draw that keeps us
>> going to them. I don't like stocking other people's larder, though, which
>> it sounds like you did.
>
> I didn't look at it that way. The truth is that I really enjoy these
> people and they invite us to parties at their place once or twice a year
> and we keep meaning to have them out here. They put on a great spread. I
> don't mind contributing. In this case she specifically mentioned that she
> would like some cheese from our local cheese shop. I don't think that she
> knew how expensive it was. She had a huge spread of food, most of which
> was uneaten.

My mistake; please accept my apology. I misread (unintentionally) what you
posted.

I also do this with several friends who always seem to have hosting duties.
We would _love_ to get together but timing usually means we're traveling to
their little burg (West Sac, Hatch, and Galt) which means we're bring in,
dining, and driving out at the end of the day. It works out, as you pointed
out.

Cheers,

The Ranger

Ranée at Arabian Knits wrote:
> In article > ,
> Dave Smith > wrote:
>
>> Ranée at Arabian Knits wrote:
>>
>>> That is true. We used to belong to a church body that had hugely
>>> attended feasts, but it was usually four or five of us (families) that
>>> ended up bringing most of the food. It wasn't an attempt to show anyone
>>> up, just knowing that there would be a lot of people who were hungry and
>>> we were the families who generally did the most cooking anyway, and
>>> tended to bring lots of hungry young fry with us.
>> There always seems to be a small core of people who do the work and bear
>> the expense. There was an odd situation in my wife's church. There was
>> one family that was very well represented in the women's auxiliary. One
>> of our neighbours, her three sisters, her mother, her aunts and cousins
>> were all heavily involved. Some people were intimidated and got all
>> paranoid that this family was taking over everything. I can understand
>> them wanting to get other people involved. I have a hard time faulting
>> this family for doing far more than their share of the work.
>
> In our case it was just that the other families didn't care for
> cooking as much, or didn't have the family size as a reference for how
> much food to bring. One family that made wonderful food always brought
> a small bowl of whatever it was. It had nothing to do with stinginess,
> it was a huge bowl for their family, it just wasn't that big compared to
> the size of our group. She usually made double or triple what they'd
> eat at home, we just were a big group with lots of hungry children. :-)
>
> Regards,
> Ranee @ Arabian Knits
>
> "She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands." Prov 31:13

And yes... I find goodness in all of her works. She makes me smile.

The Ranger wrote:
> Dave Smith > wrote in message
> m...
>> The Ranger wrote:
>>> Dave > wrote in message
>>> m...
>>> [snip]
>>>> I can appreciate the anger. We were invited to a party last
>>>> summer and I asked what we could bring. The hostess
>>>> suggested that I bring some cheeses from our local cheese
>>>> shop. that is easy enough, but the cheese sold there is
>>>> very expensive. I got a piece of each of four different cheeses.... $45.
>>>> I didn't mind the expense so much as the fact that
>>>> when we showed up there was no room on the table because
>>>> other people had brought dishes the cheese never got served.
>>>>
>>>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her.
>>>> The next time I will just get one or two pieces.
>>>>
>>> I also don't mind sharing food and company; it's that draw that keeps us
>>> going to them. I don't like stocking other people's larder, though, which
>>> it sounds like you did.
>> I didn't look at it that way. The truth is that I really enjoy these
>> people and they invite us to parties at their place once or twice a year
>> and we keep meaning to have them out here. They put on a great spread. I
>> don't mind contributing. In this case she specifically mentioned that she
>> would like some cheese from our local cheese shop. I don't think that she
>> knew how expensive it was. She had a huge spread of food, most of which
>> was uneaten.
>
> My mistake; please accept my apology. I misread (unintentionally) what you
> posted.
>
> I also do this with several friends who always seem to have hosting duties.
> We would _love_ to get together but timing usually means we're traveling to
> their little burg (West Sac, Hatch, and Galt) which means we're bring in,
> dining, and driving out at the end of the day. It works out, as you pointed
> out.
>
> Cheers,
>
> The Ranger
>
>

It's too bad you are not worth the knowing....

Debbie wrote:
>
> "Dave Smith" > wrote in message
> ...
>> Debbie wrote:
>>>
>>>> The hostess offered it to me to take home, I split it with her. The
>>>> next time I will just get one or two pieces.
>>>>
>>>
>>> I had someone offer to make a dessert if I purchased the ingredients
>>> as it included an ingredient I was allergic to. I did so and took
>>> them all over to her. She lived across the street. The night of the
>>> dinner, she "forgot" the dessert and forgot to return the leftovers
>>> of the ingredients. I never allowed another person to contribute to
>>> a meal.
>>
>>
>> I think that would really **** me off.
>>
>
> That it did. Especially when she didn't go across the street to get it,
> just said she forgot it. I am thinking she probably just didn't make it
> and didn't want to own up to it.
>
> Debbie

But you, as the better person, did not make it an issue. That's what I
would see.

Bob

Bob Muncie > wrote in message
...
[snip]
> It's too bad you are not worth the knowing...

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby... It _sucks_ to be you. I know you'll read (and
respond) this since you can't help yourself...

ObFood: Ming's Mohito (with a kick).

The Ranger