cooking etiquette situation
 

A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.

I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Oct 19, 11:01*am, Kalmia > wrote:
> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. *He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. *He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. *I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? *I'm afraid she'll take offense.

I wouldn't bother. Sounds like if you do then he'll have one more
reason to belittle her.

cooking etiquette situation
 

Kalmia said...

> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.


Kalmia,

One one hand, I wouldn't bother as she could take offense. On the other hand
you could make a batch at your home and bring him two in a zip lock baggie,
saying "I made a batch and I remember you liked them so I saved two for
you," or something diplomatic like that?

Best,

Andy

cooking etiquette situation
 

Andy wrote:
> Kalmia said...
>
>> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>
>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
>
> Kalmia,
>
> One one hand, I wouldn't bother as she could take offense. On the other hand
> you could make a batch at your home and bring him two in a zip lock baggie,
> saying "I made a batch and I remember you liked them so I saved two for
> you," or something diplomatic like that?
>
> Best,
>
> Andy

I liked Andy's answer.

I'd make them and take some. You never know why she doesn't make them.
Maybe she is like me and a terrible baker.

But taking them some can't hurt. She can always pitch them after you
leave if she has issues :-)

Bob

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Oct 19, 11:49*am, Andy > wrote:
> Kalmia said...
>
> > A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> > visiting. *He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. *He has
> > mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. *I don't know
> > why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> > I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> > or take em, or just not bother? *I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
> Kalmia,
>
> One one hand, I wouldn't bother as she could take offense. On the other hand
> you could make a batch at your home and bring him two in a zip lock baggie,
> saying "I made a batch and I remember you liked them so I saved two for
> you," or something diplomatic like that?
>
> Best,
>
> Andy

Yeah...and then maybe they could hook up later out in the barn.

cooking etiquette situation
 

Kalmia wrote:
> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

Ask. Ask him, or ask her, but ask, is my advice.

"Oh, I remember Malcolm loved my potato-rosemary-pumpkin muffins. I'm
going to be baking some soon; shall I bring some along with me?"

Serene

--
42 Magazine, celebrating life with meaning. Issue 2 is here!
http://42magazine.com

"I tend to come down on the side of autonomy. Once people are grown up,
I believe they have the right to go to hell in the handbasket of their
choosing." -- Pat Kight, on alt.polyamory

cooking etiquette situation
 

"Kalmia" > wrote in message
...
>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

It really depends on how close you are to her.

Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.

Think if the situation were reversed.


--
Dimitri

Penne Rigate Autunnale

http://kitchenguide.wordpress.com.

cooking etiquette situation
 

Wayne Boatwright wrote:
> On Mon 19 Oct 2009 06:32:01p, Serene Vannoy told us...
>
>> Kalmia wrote:
>>> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>>
>>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>> Ask. Ask him, or ask her, but ask, is my advice.
>>
>> "Oh, I remember Malcolm loved my potato-rosemary-pumpkin muffins. I'm
>> going to be baking some soon; shall I bring some along with me?"
>>
>> Serene
>>
>
> I don't think the OP needs to ask if she bakes them at home and takes them
> as a gift to the host/hostess. Baking in their kitchen, though, I agree
> she should ask.
>

If she knows it might be a problem, she should ask or just take
something else, in my opinion.

Serene

--
42 Magazine, celebrating life with meaning. Issue 2 is here!
http://42magazine.com

"I tend to come down on the side of autonomy. Once people are grown up,
I believe they have the right to go to hell in the handbasket of their
choosing." -- Pat Kight, on alt.polyamory

cooking etiquette situation
 

"Dimitri" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Kalmia" > wrote in message
> ...
>>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>
>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

> It really depends on how close you are to her.
>
> Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.

Sheesh, Dimitri, IT'S HIS HOME, TOO!

Felice

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:01:30 -0700 (PDT), Kalmia wrote:

> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

maybe you should ask her. the reason may be as innocuous as she doesn't
like to bake, or bake using an unfamiliar recipe.

your pal,
blake

cooking etiquette situation
 

"Felice" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Dimitri" > wrote in message
> ...
> >
> > "Kalmia" > wrote in message
> >
...
> >>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> >> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> >> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> >> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
> >>
> >> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> >> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
> > It really depends on how close you are to her.
> >
> > Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.
>
> Sheesh, Dimitri, IT'S HIS HOME, TOO!

not according to Dr. Phil!

cooking etiquette situation
 

"Wayne Boatwright" > wrote in message
5.250...
> On Mon 19 Oct 2009 06:32:01p, Serene Vannoy told us...
>
> > Kalmia wrote:
> >> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> >> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> >> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> >> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
> >>
> >> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> >> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
> >
> > Ask. Ask him, or ask her, but ask, is my advice.
> >
> > "Oh, I remember Malcolm loved my potato-rosemary-pumpkin muffins. I'm
> > going to be baking some soon; shall I bring some along with me?"
> >
> > Serene
> >
>
> I don't think the OP needs to ask if she bakes them at home and takes them
> as a gift to the host/hostess. Baking in their kitchen, though, I agree
> she should ask.


If you bring them, you will never even have a chance at baking them there.
So, don't bring them, but be prepared to bake them there. Maybe you (and HE
will get lucky - baking wise).

cooking etiquette situation
 

Wayne Boatwright wrote:

> On Mon 19 Oct 2009 11:21:42p, Serene Vannoy told us...
>
>
>>If she knows it might be a problem, she should ask or just take
>>something else, in my opinion.
>
>
> Of course it never hurts to ask. It does depend on how well she knows them
> and what reaction she might expect.
>
> OTOH, I personally would not ask, but just bake and take some.

That's what I'd do. Make them up and bring them along as a gift to my
hostess. And if she chose to quietly stick them in the freezer, or take
them to work the next morning I'd make no comment.

cooking etiquette situation
 

123go wrote:
> "Wayne Boatwright" > wrote in message

>>>
>> I don't think the OP needs to ask if she bakes them at home and takes them
>> as a gift to the host/hostess. Baking in their kitchen, though, I agree
>> she should ask.
>
>
> If you bring them, you will never even have a chance at baking them there.
> So, don't bring them, but be prepared to bake them there. Maybe you (and HE
> will get lucky - baking wise).
>
>


If the wife refuses to let you bake them in her house, he'll lose
out. If it is a weight issue and she knows he has no will power,
I'd take 4 muffins and be done with it. If the wife is being
controlling about the issue because she is jealous of you, you
haven't stepped too far over the edge.

Perhaps you need to post the recipe in question so we can better
decide on the issue.... ;-)

gloria p

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:32:01 -0700, Serene Vannoy
> wrote:

>potato-rosemary-pumpkin muffins

So, you're just going to tease us? :( No recipe?

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:44:38 -0400, "Felice" >
wrote:

>
>"Dimitri" > wrote in message
...
>>
>> "Kalmia" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>>
>>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
>> It really depends on how close you are to her.
>>
>> Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.
>
>Sheesh, Dimitri, IT'S HIS HOME, TOO!
>
Frankly, if someone has to ask a question like that, they don't know
the couple very well. I say make them and take them over. Don't make
excuses either, just say "I know you like these, so I made some for
you".

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Tue, 20 Oct 2009 07:18:30 -0700, "123go" >
wrote:

>
>"Felice" > wrote in message
...
>>
>> "Dimitri" > wrote in message
>> ...
>> >
>> > "Kalmia" > wrote in message
>> >
...
>> >>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>> >> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>> >> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>> >> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>> >>
>> >> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>> >> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>>
>> > It really depends on how close you are to her.
>> >
>> > Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.
>>
>> Sheesh, Dimitri, IT'S HIS HOME, TOO!
>
>not according to Dr. Phil!

In that case, Dr. Phil is running out of things to say.

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Oct 19, 2:01*pm, Kalmia > wrote:
> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. *He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. *He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. *I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? *I'm afraid she'll take offense.

I would take a batch as a hostess gift. Unless you're there every
day, once in a while making something that you know someone will like
is not harmful (unless of course the fellow has just had surgery or is
lactose, gluten, or otherwise going to be made sick by eating them).

maxine in ri

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Oct 19, 2:01*pm, Kalmia > wrote:
> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. *He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. *He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. *I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? *I'm afraid she'll take offense.

Good grief, it's a gift.
Make a batch at home, bring them along.
If they get offended because you brought them something homemade as a
gift, then there is something wrong with THEM, not you.
I never understood the prevailing attitude here about bringing
something home made when you're invited someplace.

It's a gift. It's a kind gesture. Take it in the spirit with which it
is given and deal with it!

cooking etiquette situation
 

"Kajikit" wrote
> Kalmia wrote:

>>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>>visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>>mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>>why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.

> Take some along for him. Why should he be deprived just because she
> doesn't want to bake them? You already KNOW he likes them so make him
> some for a gift.

Ok, can't stay silent. My husband is a dear man but will happily eat
himself into a stroke without controls. He has *zero* sense on his salt
intake. As a result, I have to keep him on a short leash.

In a case of a health diet issue (not that muffins would be one in our case)
I'd not at all appreciate someone waltzling in with a 'gee aint this (insert
item) great' especially after I had the recipe and knew it was off limits
for him.

If good enough friends with the wife, *ask first* if it's ok. It may be as
simple as not into baking, but it could be something more serious.

Lets just say no matter how much my husband may rave over salt boiled
peanuts, you better NOT bring them to my house because it's almost
impossible to stop him from eating them.

cooking etiquette situation
 

Chemo the Clown wrote:
> On Oct 19, 11:01 am, Kalmia > wrote:
>> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>
>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
> I wouldn't bother. Sounds like if you do then he'll have one more
> reason to belittle her.

Nothing in the OP implied he was "belittling" her to me. It just sounds
like he liked them and she doesn't bake much. Or maybe she didn't like
them at all and doesn't want to announce it publicly. Then again, maybe
he's just being polite recalling the one dish he recalls and says it to
flatter Kalmia? Who knows.
I don't see this as an etiquette dilemma really. Make a batch or make
something else but I'd do it in advance and not expect to do it there as
that may be a bit presumptuous. I'm sure he'll appreciate anything he's
given.

cooking etiquette situation
 

"Felice" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Dimitri" > wrote in message
> ...
>>
>> "Kalmia" > wrote in message
>> ...
>>>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>>
>>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
>> It really depends on how close you are to her.
>>
>> Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.
>
> Sheesh, Dimitri, IT'S HIS HOME, TOO!
>
> Felice

No way.......

:-)

Dimitri

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Oct 19, 1:01*pm, Kalmia > wrote:
> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. *He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. *He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. *I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? *I'm afraid she'll take offense.

Made me think of Granny and Pearl, first season of Beverly
Hillbillies.

--Bryan

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:42:38 -0400, Goomba >
wrote:

>I don't see this as an etiquette dilemma really. Make a batch or make
>something else but I'd do it in advance and not expect to do it there as
>that may be a bit presumptuous. I'm sure he'll appreciate anything he's
>given.

Or even putting the dry ingredients together with instructions for the
rest... just like any other mix.

--
I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

cooking etiquette situation
 

On Oct 19, 1:01*pm, Kalmia > wrote:
> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. *He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. *He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. *I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? *I'm afraid she'll take offense.

Update: I didn't make and take them, didn't even mention them while I
was there. It made packing a bit easier, plus having to shop for the
wet ingredients after I got there. (We're talking about a thousand
mile distance between us...)