Signs You're a Lousy Cook
 

* Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a
fire siren.

* Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes
like.

* Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs
forks and follows him.

* Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

* You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy
poodle.

* Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over
for dinner.

* Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste
in their lunch bags.

* Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

* No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple.

* You burned the house down trying to make jelly.