Today I attempted to make chocolate fudge. The result was horrifying;
nay, brutal. One could even go so far as to say the product was hostile
in a very antagonistic, unfriendly way. It was at once very granular
and gritty, and a liquefied, humid, drooling, vulgar, unappealing,
disappointing, regrettable sludge. The viscous gelatinous mass did not
promiscuously bunch up and solidify as the Good Lord intended, but,
rather, chose to defy the physics of cooking itself in its wonton
disregard of my hopes, wishes, and desires. The fruit of my effort did
not, alas, yield a sum greater than the whole, as fudgie components are
expected, are much anticipated, to render.

Something, some where, appears to have gone wrong. Some incantation
unuttered; some blood sacrifice unperformed; some sigil drawn
incorrectly; an unapt inapt periapt wielded by my clumsy, awkward,
maladroit hand.

About $3 wasted.

I am contemplating another attempt, though all other past attempts in
the culinary manner have yielded similar results: cookies don't;
brownies blacken; cakes cant; ferments foudroyantly foul (awe, go on---
look it up). I am not convinced that the altitude (6,505 feet above
mean sea level) is to blame; I am considering the likelihood of some
kind of curse.

Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.

Thank you.