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D A I S Y

wrote:
> Lemon Tarts
> A few years ago I went to a Jehovah Witness funeral in Prince
> Albert Saskatchewan, it was the funeral of a Jehovah Witness who shot
> himself. The food was really good except for the lemon tarts. There
> were several types of pies, lots and lots of cheese (and different
> types of cheeses), there were beverages of assorted types, and there
> was even fruit. I was overjoyed to find lemon tarts but my joy quickly
> turned to sadness as these lemon tarts were the worst lemon tarts that
> I ever tasted, they were not only bitter and sour, but they were
> rubbery as well. But I did not let the lemon tarts spoil the funeral,
> this JW funeral was one of the best funerals I ever attended as there
> was a huge amount of food, and except for the lemon tarts, the food
> was really good. And there were nubile sweeties at the funeral.
> Generally you will find nubile sweeties in the greatest abundance when
> the funeral is for a high school student. It doesn't matter if the
> student was male or female, the nubile sweeties come out to the
> funeral regardless of the sex of the deceased. That's the best kind of
> funeral, A) when there is lots of food, B) when there are nubile
> sweeties present in great abundance, and C) when the priest or pastor
> says hilarious things that make you laugh, such as "Only God knows why
> little Johnny died." But I know why little Johnny died, it's in the
> Bible in Exodus 20:5 (the parents value traditions in place of God and
> His Commandments, and God rewards their apostasy by the removal of
> their children). And so, since nubile sweeties are found in greatest
> abundance at the funerals of high school students, then it is the
> funerals of high school students that make the very very best
> funerals, especially if there is food. I just wish there was more and
> better lemon tarts. And I've never found pumpkin pie at a funeral but
> I would very much like to eat pumpkin pie at some poor slob's funeral.
> I stuff my face (and my pockets) with all the good food and look at
> all the pretty nubile sweeties and have the time of my life, but I
> have to scratch my head and wonder why the fellow would shoot himself,
> he's missing out on all the good food. There are interstink people to
> talk to, there are pretty nubile sweeties to look at, there is good
> food to eat, there are humorous preachers to listen to... but the
> fellow isn't alive to partake in the festivities, he's missing out on
> life!!! Maybe the Jehovah Witness was some kind of JW prophet, he knew
> that the lemon tarts were to be no damn good, and so he shot himself.
> That's what I think about JW's and anybody else who shoot themselves,
> they are simply missing out on life. Perhaps if the JW women would
> make better lemon tarts then the JW men would be less apt to shoot
> themselves, I predict. The JW women are spending too much time on
> street corners trying to flog their crappy magazines when they should
> be at home learning how to make proper lemon tarts. In all fairness I
> guess most people would shoot themselves if they knew ahead of time
> that the lemon tarts at their funerals were to be bitter and rubbery,
> it is not a problem that just plagues the Jehovah Witness community.
> Anyway, I like pumpkin pie and I wish you people would inform me ahead
> of time if there is goink to be pumpkin pie at your funerals. For
> example, you can send me a letter saying that you intend to shoot
> yourself because you are some sort of prophet who knows in advance
> that the lemon tarts at your funeral are to be no damn good, but that
> I should come anyway because there will be pumpkin pie, or some damn
> thing
> like that. -Daryl S. Kabatoff
>
sicko.....