OT - Fauna Ensconced
The Ranger wrote:
> I was forced out into the CACCC[1] in search of Pik-chur Hangers.
> I knew exactly where they were thanks to a forced cleaning spree
> by SWMBO[2]. I was bare-footed since my allotted assignment today
> entailed "vacuuming." As this is my Se Mettre à l'Abri par le
> Garçon, my Sanctuary Of Manliness, I'd never thought to share it
> with anyone -- or anything -- save my tools and more clutter. It
> is mine!
>
> I stepped out onto the landing and jumped up and off -- to hear an
> agitated hiss from the cement floor where I was planning to land.
>
> I said a naughty word -- loudly.
>
> On my trip downward, I pinpointed the source quickly enough. My
> friend, George[3], from our backyard had been warming himself by
> the venting area of my garage fridge. That I'd dared interrupt his
> solitude was truly vexing to him. He spat at me again as I landed
> and straddled him.
>
> In the same motion, I reached down. The door swung open and out
> stepped SWMBO and my three intrepid Lizard Catching Apprentices;
> they'd all heard my oath and were curious. That was just enough of
> a distraction to put my hand too close and for George to think he
> was larger than he really is. He lunged and bit me in the part of
> the hand between thumb and forefinger. SWMBO and all three
> daughter-units squealed. I (true to myself) said two naughty
> words.
>
> George retained his grip as I jerked my hand away, locking his
> jaws. This allowed me nab him. It was too easy; not the way I'd
> originally planned but it worked.
>
> A quick massage of George's jaw and he was wriggling like a worm.
> He soon gave up and went back to hissing (and trying to bite me).
> I took a few seconds to examine my hand. There was a perfect
> impression (top and bottom) of where George had hung.
>
> I showed the reptilian impression to the four. The three crowded
> about to "ooh" and "ah." SWMBO then pushed my three apprentices
> back into the house, and, much to my annoyance, reminded me that
> /her/ Tupperware were off-limits. As the door closed, SWMBO
> volleyed, "George is an outdoor pet."
>
> George had settled down and was flicking his tongue. I brought him
> up to eye-level and looked him over. His beautiful brick-brown
> scales highlighted the onyx speckles. I pushed the button that
> opens the CACCC-door. The shaft ground through its gears and
> slowly cranked the door back. As light flooded the shadowed
> interior, I saw my neighbors' daughter-units were out front
> entertaining a friend.
>
> A Thought took hold.
>
> "Sam? Kim? Wanna see an alligator lizard? Yes, your friend can
> come over, too."
>
> For the next twenty minutes, George behaved himself as the 13 yo
> and two 8 yo looked at him, petted him, and even held him. Real
> Life® was going swell and the four of us were discussing the
> feeding habits of local lizards when George decided that class was
> dismissed. He launched himself out of Sam's hands and onto my lap.
> A quick nab netted me lots of cloth but no lizard. George leapt
> again to the floor to land with a solid belly-flopping splat. He
> quickly recovered and proceeded to sprint back into my CACCC.
>
> "Not there!"
>
> George hissed over his shoulder as he skittled into a hole in the
> wall.
>
> I looked at the three, they looked at me. "We won't tell SWMBO."
>
> Three heads bobbed in silent agreement.
>
> [1] Catch-All-Clutter-Containment Center (aka "two-car garage")
> [2] She Who Must Be Obeyed
> [3] George is one of my many backyard residents; he's fifteen
> inches of pure meanness and Tude.
>
> The Ranger
>
>
LOL... that was a great read.
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