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Stanley
 
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Default What do airlines put in their food???

Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop shitting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
getting these real sticky messy shits that come in waves, everytime I
think I'm done and I start wipe down comes another avalanche. Then I
just wipe and wipe and wipe but my ass is still dirty. I've gone
through about 20 Charmin *double* rolls in three days. And the farts,
they can be heard like ten houses down. I'm farting nonstop when I'm
not shitting, and I'm shitting when I'm not farting. The wife and the
dog won't come near me. Yesterday night we were watching tv and I let
out this deafening ship's horn type fart that rattled the walls and
shook the furniture. It felt like the titanic was about to come out
my ass so I ran to the toilet and sure enough, I gave birth to the
most humongous turd I've ever seen in my life. That thing must have
been at least 19" long. I felt like I'd just delivered septuplets
through my ass! Next time I fly I think I'll order the kosher meal.