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A. H. Carter A. H. Carter is offline
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Default "Eat lightly when you're a guest" - question

wrote:
> I was reading "Multicultural Manners: New Rules of Etiquette for a Changing Society" by Norine Dresser. It's the 1996 edition (there's a 2005 edition as well), so I don't know how much got changed in between.
>
> If you leave out the index and such, it's 260 pages, divided into three large parts. One 20-page subsection is "Foodways." Within that, you have "Cleaning Your Plate" (pp 75-76).
>
> Here's the second half of that section:
>
> "...The act of cleaning one's plate and emptying the glass has different meanings, depending on the culture. Jordanians leave a small amount as a sign of politeness. Filipinos keep a little on the plate to show that the hosts have provided well. Conversely, as with Marina's (Cambodian) family, cleaning the plate sometimes signals that the guest still wants more and the hosts have not provided sufficiently.
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> "With Koreans, the glass will not be refilled if there is still some liquid in it, and Egyptians leave some food on the plate as a symbol of abundance and a compliment to the host. For Thais, leaving food means you are finished or it was delicious. For Indonesians, leaving food on the plate means the diner is impolite. For the Japanese, cleaning one's plate means the guest appreciates the food. Finishing the rice in the bowl signals that the diner has finished the meal.
>
> "Americans frequently caution their children to not waste food and to clean their plates, often citing some place in the world where people are starving. Parents elsewhere employ similar techniques for warning children not to waste food. A Chinese American recalls her childhood when her mother admonished that for every grain of rice left on the plate the youngster would have one pock mark on her face."
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> (end)
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> But, according to travel writer Roger Axtell, in SOME parts of China at least, they follow the Cambodian tradition. That is, as a guest, you are not supposed to eat the last dish served, which will be plain rice. To eat it would be insulting to the host.
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> Anyway, as I've always understood it, in the U.S., you're supposed to eat lightly. That is, if the host is the one filling your plate, you can have second servings after cleaning your plate IF the host offers them and/or if the other guests are seen to be helping themselves that way. If it's a buffet, you try not to take twice as much as the others are taking, at least!
>
> But that leaves one potentially awkward situation that the book didn't mention - namely, when guests are allowed to fill their OWN plates - from platters that are passed around the table. See here (it's a 1965 Ann Landers column):
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>
https://cdnc.ucr.edu/cgi-bin/cdnc?a=d&d=MT19650607.2.80
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> So it got me to wondering - chances are the in-laws were just selfish, greedy boors, but there could be more to it, unfortunately. ARE there many cultures where guests are truly expected just to eat as much as they like and not to care much about whether or not the host can afford it? Offhand, I can only think of two. One is the Gambia in West Africa, where even a well-off guest can't usually say to a dirt-poor host "no thanks, I couldn't possibly" even when eating the one egg would mean the host wouldn't have anything to eat for the next meal.
>
> And:
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> From the juvenile book "Manners and Customs in the Middle Ages":
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> A Persian saying from the 900s A.D. explains: "Give all the food you have to your guest, even if you have only a drop of water for yourself."
>
>
> Lenona.



Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have
entertained angels unawares.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

If you, a meat eater are entertaining and happenstance has it that all
your guests/friends are vegans, then it may behoove you to not serve meat.


You could say, that due to having a rather big meal before, you couldn't
possibly hold another bite, or: "Please take no offense, but as much as
I would love to finish the plate, I can't possibly for I am about to burst.

Sincerely,

A. H. Carter