On Dec 18, 2:01 pm, Wavy G > wrote:
> 1) I got my bank card back from the bank (last night, in a drunken
> stupor, I left my card in the automated teller machine). Now I purchase
> consumer goods again! Hooray.

HOORAY FOR CONSUMER GOODS!
>
> 2) I had the best omelette I've ever had. I MADE IT MYSELF! I had some
> "ham" leftover from a family Christmas party last week, three eggs, and
> some American "cheese" in my electric icebox. So I thought to myself,
> "Wavy G, we have an opportunity, here. You know how you're always
> pining for omelettes, but you never do anything about it? Well, don't
> you see? It's all coming together! We can make an omelette NOW!!!" So
> I made it. The egg "flipping" part was a bit of a disaster. I cursed
> several times. However, the end result was so ****ing good, it more
> than made up for the struggle.

You have an "electric icebox" AND government cheese?
>
> 3) A retarded boy waved at me. I was out walking the dog, when the
> special needs school bus drove by. I stopped right at the edge of the
> road, and ratcheted up on the leash so the dog wouldn't dart out into
> the road, and stood there waiting for the bus to pass, when I saw a
> retarded boy, sitting in won of the seats, peering out the window and
> waving at me. It was won of those things that just warms your spirit,
> during this, the season of perpetual joy. (Of course, for all I know,
> he could have been waving at the tree stump behind me, but I'll give him
> the benefit of the doubt.)
>
You should invite the retarded boy over for some "cheese."
You and the retarded boy might be able to feel good TOGETHER!

He might be able to help you with some of your...ahem..."special
needs."

--Bryan