Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition O.C. dolls for the
Southern California market:

Irvine Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at The Irvine Spectrum.
She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton handbags, a Lexus SUV, a toy
dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy
tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented"
version.

Orange Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford
Windstar minivan and white silhouette stickers of family members on the rear
window. Known as a "soccer mom" she gets lost easily and has no full time
occupation or secondary education. Has PTA membership and comes with
Tupperware accessories. Cell phone sold separately.

Garden Grove Barbie - In addition to perfect English, this Barbie also
speaks fluent Japanese, Chinese, Mandarin and Tagalog. Comes with her own
street-racing import car, complete with Japanese animation decals. Large
collection of video games sold separately. Careers or homes for this Barbie
are not available, because she will stay with her parents until they die. If
you purchase a Ken doll, he must move into her family's home and wait for
their inheritance.

Buena Park Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes
with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and
a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid
for in cash.

Tustin Ranch Barbie - This yuppie Blond Barbie comes with your choice of a
convertible Mercedes AMG55 or a Cadillac Escalade. Included are her own
Starbucks cup, credit card, and Curves membership. Comes also with Giorgio
Armani fragrance, Gucci bag and Kate Spade sunglasses. Additional options
for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. (You won't be able
to afford any of them).

Yorba Linda Barbie - This brunette Barbie is the sister to Tustin Ranch
Barbie and comes with or without highlights. She comes with a BMW
convertible or Hummer H2, Kenneth Cole Sunglasses, a Country Club
Membership, and a Pier 1 credit line. Options for Yorba Linda Barbie are the
Shiseido makeup kit; the Bulgari jewelry set, or the Prada shoe collection.
Yorba Linda Barbie has optional yuppie Ken doll complete with Corvette, hair
gel and Rolex watch.

Newport Beach Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a
Yves Saint Laurent leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans
while entertaining friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription and
monthly alimony checks are included. This Barbie is only sold in Fashion
Island.

Laguna Beach Barbie - This doll comes complete with craft set. She has long
straight brown hair, arch-less feet, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white
socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a
Ken doll, but if you purchase two Laguna Beach Barbie's, you get a rainbow
flag sticker free.

Long Beach Barbie - This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a GED and a bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79
Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition
of an infant.

Huntington Beach Barbie - This very tan Barbie comes with string bikini, wet
suit, 3 friendship bracelets and surfboard. An MP3 player, Blockbuster video
membership, pair of Vans and a beach cruiser are also included. Optional is
her Lifeguard Yellow Ford Ranger with board rack (free KROQ sticker
included!) Spicolli Ken can be purchased separately and comes with Hawaiian
shirt and board shorts.

Rancho Santa Margarita Barbie - She 's perfect in every way. Her home is
perfect. Her family is perfect. Comes with a part time job to earn her own
spending money and a bible for church on Sundays. Also has a pre-assigned
carpool day. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or
biking or something...

Santa Ana Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984
Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back
seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a meat-packer's
uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not
available for Santa Ana Barbie or Ken.

OUT OF TOWN BARBIES:

Fontana Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in low rise Levi's, a NASCAR
shirt, and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors
Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. A mobile home is also available.

Norco Barbie - This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with her own
horse and dog! Her ensemble includes pair of Wrangler jeans (2 sizes too
small), straw hat, fake rhinestone belt and belt buckle bought from the
local pawn shop. Purchase! her pick-up truck separately and get a
confederate flag bumper sticker -absolutely free!

Hemet Barbie - This aging Barbie is best kept indoors. She comes complete
with wire grocery stroller, Omni Trans bus pass, food stamps, coupon book
and sewing machine. Optional mobile home comes with choice of colored rock
and various cactus varieties.

West Hollywood Barbie/Ken - This versatile doll can be easily converted from
Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts!



--
Old Scoundrel

(AKA Dimitri)


__._,_.___