On Fri, 30 May 2008 19:51:03 -0400, Dave Smith
wrote:

I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
"invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.

It sounds like the people are social misfits. I usually decline when
people ask what they can bring unless I know they're big drinkers.
Then I ask them to bring whatever they want to drink. Usually people
who down a dozen beers bring their own anyway. Potlucks are fine, but
the host should always provide the main dish. IMO

If you can't afford the party then don't have it.

Lou

"Nina" wrote

I just think it's pretty outrageous to ask someone to bring something
*and* specify exactly what it will be, more than the specific cost of
it. I mean, it's reasonable to say, "bring a dish for 20 people" or
even "bring a salad or whatever for 20 people". It's a little less
reasonable to say, I want you to make exactly this dish and bring it
with exactly this wine.

Grin, I'm with you though I will allow being asked for a few of my signiture
dishes. They are easy and not too expensive. If someone asked me to bring
my 'dashi-tofu-seaweed-miso with rice' soup for 20, I wouldnt be upset. Now
the wine? Hostess job unless I said (or was known) as a non-cook and
*asked* what I could bring. Then a list of wine types desired would be
acceptable.

Ms Manners, demand no more than good convivial behavior of your guests, let
them chose the rest. A list of what they want to bring presented to others
to aviod too much duplication is acceptable for a pot-luck/cookout.

Grin, doing one at work next week. I'm bringing fresh bread from the
breadmaker and my 'butter garlic loaf' (stick of butter rolled in garlic,
onion, parsley, and parmesan with a little paprika). We'll firm up who's
got what onhand later and I might add a meatball-pasta dish if it seems
there isnt a main one. One of the guys lives in the barracks with minimal
cooking facilities so will be bringing some nice cheeses (I'm to bring my
cheese slicer) and another is bringing some green salad stuff.

"Lou Decruss" wrote

It sounds like the people are social misfits. I usually decline when

Or just clueless, or make so much more than their neighbors (nice
neighborhood doesnt indicate much, I live in a nice one too but we dont have
200$ a person gifts of potluck foods going around!).

people ask what they can bring unless I know they're big drinkers.

I find the standard 'BYOB' acceptable for a backyard party at my house.

the host should always provide the main dish. IMO

Yup at my yard, I have the burgers and such. At work, being senior I
provide a main dish as well if another hasnt got something special they want
to share. Work ones are small, just 6 of us. I'm the only one who makes
bread so normally thats what they want me to do. A chance to get some good
stuff intead of 'wonderbread-white-gunk'.

On Sat, 31 May 2008 02:15:46 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
wrote:

On Fri 30 May 2008 04:51:03p, Dave Smith told us...

I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of
her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and
her husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef
family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a
quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.

The chef's wife is nothing but a conniving cheap bitch! I'd see her in hell
before I'd get sucked into that.

Wayne, quit pussyfooting around and tell us how you really feel ;-)

koko
---
http://www.kokoscorner.typepad.com
updated 5/25
"There is no love more sincere than the love of food"
George Bernard Shaw

On Fri, 30 May 2008 19:38:15 -0500, Sky
wrote:

No Kidding!!!! Yeesh, some people!

How ever much chutzpah it took for the chef's wife to ask that person
what she did, it still reminds me of the time we hosted an xmas season
party that included close neighbors and long time friends. People
called to ask what they could bring.... I'd been to dinner at my
across the street neighbor's a few times and eaten her scrumptious
turkey at least twice (the stuffing had chervil in it and I couldn't
get enough of it). Well, she asked what she could bring and I
jokingly said "Turkey". She said yes immediately! I was shocked
(embarrassed for saying it - because I expected her to turn me down,
albeit good naturedly) and told her I was just joking, but she
insisted on bringing the turkey - and she did. I'll never forget that
act of pure generosity.

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

On Fri, 30 May 2008 21:41:38 -0400, "Nancy Young"
wrote:


"aem" wrote

On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" wrote:

You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
takes no skill!

Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party.

And when that didn't work out, she thought the other neighbor was
close enough to welcome that role?

I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
surprised "guests" ... things like that.

I wouldn't pay anything if it was an invited party, and it would end
the friendship.

I have a family member who threw a birthday party for one of the kids
at a pizza joint. The kid got at least 2 grand in cash and gifts.
$100 from me. When the bill came, family member complained how
expensive it was having kids and these parties, and mentioned the bill
was $196. Was I supposed to "pitch in" for the 2 beers and piece of
pizza I already paid $100 for? A few weeks later the family members
wife was complaining about people who give checks and gift
certificates rather than cash because she has to run the kids around
to take care of things. That was the last birthday party we went to
and we don't send gifts to their kids either. Unfortunately idiots
sometimes reside in your own family. My/our friends would never be
so tacky as we've chosen them well.

Lou

On Sat, 31 May 2008 01:57:16 GMT, "Michael \"Dog3\""
wrote:

Now that is a different kind of invite... A very pricey invite. I would
probably do it if the party was for a charitable cause and people were
making donations to attend the party I'd consider it depending upon the
cause but just to have a party and expect that type of outlay from a guest
is rather tacky IMO. Actually it's really tacky.

Heh, no kidding.... it tells you what kind of person she is and what
kind of people she wants around her. You know the old saying: With
friends like that, you don't need enemies.

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

In article ,
says...

"Dave Smith" wrote

I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
"invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.

You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
takes no skill!

It's good for a laugh if it's not happening to you. I'm glad your
friend got out of it. Amazing concept, you throw a party and get
your guests to pay for it *and* do all the work!

nancy



That's something that doesn't happen with my circle of friends. The only
standing order is that if you don't like something or most things on the
menu then you're welcome to bring a dish of your own.

Otherwise no requirements. Food and wine are provided at the event by us
since we are after all the ones hosting.

Some people just don't understand the concept.

On May 30, 8:59*pm, Sky wrote:
Dave Smith wrote:

Sky wrote:
(snippers)

P.P.S. *How did your friend find a nice way to decline?

She phoned back to check the date and then said that she didn't realize that
she as sorry but could not make it because her husband was throwing a party
for her that night. And that was true, though the decision for their party was
made later. *It seems that chef's wife then called another neighbour and asked
her to bring the things that she had earlier asked our friend to bring. More
nerve than a tooth ache eh.

Seriously obnoxious folks. I'd write them off for good unless they
were relatives or I had an important business relationshit with them.

Heh, I think I'd rather have dinner with a dentist than that particular
chef or chef's wife!

I agree with the sentiment, but I'd say that it would be a very odd
dentist who would subject his/her dinner guests to the dentist's drill
at a dinner party.

Sky

--Bryan

"Dave Smith" wrote in message
m...
I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of her
neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and her
husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef family had
been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a quick roasted
beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.

Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one red
and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked her to
bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is also our
friend's birthday.


Current prices for a whole beef tenderloin around her are about $80. The
wines turn out to be $20 a piece. My friend was not thrilled. She
discussed it with her husband, who said screw that we'll have our own
party her for that money. She called back the chef's wife, clarified the
date..... ooops sorry. I didn't know that my husband had planned a party
for me here on that night so sorry, but we can't make it.

The next day she got a call from another neighbour asking if she was
attending the party. Our friend said they had been invited but could not
attend because her husband was having a party for her. It seems that
chef's wife had called the other neighbour after our friend canceled and
asked her to bring the two beef tenderloins... and two bottles of wine.
So our friend asked the other neighbour if she was going...... no way !!

I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an "invitation
to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem with a pot
luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20 people plus $40
worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.


This has happened to me more than once and yet I went anyay. Thanksgiving
has meant I supply the turkey, home made dinner rolls, 2 bottles of wine and
often a couple of pies as well. The others bring the usual carrot salad or
potatoes or something quick and easy and cheap. I easily shell out 150
bucks and I resent it. So not this year, I am making other plans.

Paul

aem wrote:
On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" wrote:
You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
takes no skill!

Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party. Then again, the
chef's wife just may be thoughtless. I guess my point is to not be
too quick to lambaste her on the basis of a second or third hand
report. Misunderstandings between neighbors have spawned a lot of
case studies for sociologists and lawyers. -aem

I find the entire instance too hard to comprehend. Maybe it's because I
was raised with the concept that a guest honors you by accepting an
invitation to your home. Hospitality is up there with the same rule that
says it's a good deed to visit the sick.

I have no doubts that the story is true, and I give aem credit for
attempting to find the positive side of it, but I just can't wrap my
brain around a $200 invite to a house party.


--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

aem wrote:


I've certainly been asked to bring a specific dish to a potluck/
party. That's not so unusual. The wine selection is usually asked
more subtly..... -aem


I have been to hundreds of pot lucks and have, on occasion, been asked
to bring a specific type of dish, but never $200 worth!

--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

"Dave Smith" ha scritto nel messaggio
m...
I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of her
neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and her
husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef family had
been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a quick roasted
beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.

Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one red
and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked her to
bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is also our
friend's birthday.

It never ceases to amaze me at how clueless and rude people dare to be. I
love potluck but potluck is defined by being a grab bag, not an order what
you want, other than perhpas which course.

So said neighbor puts the hit on everybody, sets a pretty table and then
takes credit for having entertained eleagantly. Next thing you know she's
chastising people who don't entertain, telling them that it is easy and
hardly expensive at all.
--
http://www.judithgreenwood.com

"aem" ha scritto nel messaggio
...
On May 30, 6:27 pm, Nina wrote:

I just think it's pretty outrageous to ask someone to bring something
*and* specify exactly what it will be, more than the specific cost of
it. I mean, it's reasonable to say, "bring a dish for 20 people" or
even "bring a salad or whatever for 20 people". It's a little less
reasonable to say, I want you to make exactly this dish and bring it
with exactly this wine.

Sure, in most cases, but we don't really know the specifics here. In
particular, we don't know what the chef's wife had in mind for this
whole party. Chefs by nature have to controlling personalities, maybe
their wives are, too. g

I've certainly been asked to bring a specific dish to a potluck/
party. That's not so unusual. The wine selection is usually asked
more subtly..... -aem

Really aem, if you can find anyway in which to make this situation normal,
you need to look further for friends. When I ask what cxan I bring, I am
often told, "An American dessert!" but never which and never for X number of
people, because I would not be expected to bring servings for all the
guests. Others would be providing other choices.

On Fri 30 May 2008 08:16:07p, told us...

On Sat, 31 May 2008 02:15:46 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
wrote:

On Fri 30 May 2008 04:51:03p, Dave Smith told us...

I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook,
but really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood.
One of her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited
her and her husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and
the chef family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew
had cooked a quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very
hot oven.

The chef's wife is nothing but a conniving cheap bitch! I'd see her in
hell before I'd get sucked into that.

Wayne, quit pussyfooting around and tell us how you really feel ;-)

koko

Koko, traits of people that bother me the most are those that are
insulting, humiliating, taking advantage, and dishonesty. Unfortunately,
some people have all of them. I have a high tolerance for many other
things, but not those. I wish I could keep my mouth shut sometimes, but I
can't always manage it. I think it actually bothers me more when it
happens to other people than when it happens to me.

--
Wayne Boatwright
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Friday, 05(V)/30(XXX)/08(MMVIII)
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Eggs on top, canned goods on the bottom...
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