*Speeding Excuses*

Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative
excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers'
favorites. By the way, none of them worked.

A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because had been
stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he
said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not
only dead, but in a advanced state of decomposition.

A man was doing 70 mph on the shoulder of I-95, avoiding the bumper-to-
bumper traffic. After a third of a mile, he was stopped by an officer.
He jumped out of the car, brushing off his pants, and told the cop he
had dropped a cigarette on his lap. "I was looking for a place to
park," he explained.

A speeder said that he and his wife were trying to have a baby. "My
wife is ovulating," he told the officer. "I have to get home right
now."

An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver
whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went
by them so fast I probably missed them."

A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79
mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor,"
he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this
fast, my car won't go at all."

"I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're
going to enforce the bench warrant."

When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill
Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you
been? It's 65 now."

One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't
ask."

An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was
getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's
discount?"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke