I received a birthday part invitation that surprised me, and I'd like to do
an informal survey to see what others think.

The invitation was informal, via email. It's for a milestone birthday party.
It's being given by the birthday-ee and spouse. The invitation said the
hosts would provide alcohol and sodas.

The hosts said they'd decided on a restaurant to cater it. (Actually it may
just be considered a big take-out order.)

Then the hosts said 'contributions greatly appreciated.' The hosts are not
poor, students, young, or otherwise unable to pay for their own birthday
party. In fact, they're off on an expensive, extended vacation soon after
the party. They are both established in their careers and are well
compensated. They have no kids. This is an adults-only party.

Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday party, it's
a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if you want to eat?

Cate

Cate wrote:
I received a birthday part invitation that surprised me, and I'd like
to do an informal survey to see what others think.

The invitation was informal, via email. It's for a milestone birthday
party. It's being given by the birthday-ee and spouse. The invitation
said the hosts would provide alcohol and sodas.

The hosts said they'd decided on a restaurant to cater it. (Actually
it may just be considered a big take-out order.)

Then the hosts said 'contributions greatly appreciated.' The hosts
are not poor, students, young, or otherwise unable to pay for their
own birthday party. In fact, they're off on an expensive, extended
vacation soon after the party. They are both established in their
careers and are well compensated. They have no kids. This is an
adults-only party.

Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday
party, it's a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if
you want to eat?

Cate

Yeah, I'd say that's pretty inappropriate. Unless, perhaps, they meant a
contribution of food or a bottle of wine (even though they said it would be
provided).

Jill

"Cate" wrote in message
...
snip
Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday party,
it's
a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if you want to eat?

Cate



Personally, I think it's extremely rude. It reminds me of my parents'
friends, who would invite people to their birthday parties and have the
"entrance fee" (my words, not theirs) listed on the invitation. Sometimes
they wouldn't even do that, but tell how much was owed when people arrived
or before they left ("Oh, by the way, it's $10 each for the food and gift).
Once, one of them brought a cake for the other (a small cake--maybe 6"
round) to a public gathering (they were all members of an Argentine tango
group) and then asked the others for $1 each--even those who didn't eat any.
Rude, rude, rude. I'd not go or I'd go and bring whatever gift I would have
brought, anyway. Screw what they want.

Lest people think this only applies to older people, at work a couple of
years ago three of us decided to buy a birthday cake for someone. I assumed
we'd be splitting the cost 3 ways, and was fine with it. One of the others,
however, insisted on counting the number of people who had some cake, then
divided the cost by that number, and charged each person accordingly. She
was 21. But that's Winnipeg for you (notorious for its cheapskate-ness)!

rona

--
***For e-mail, replace .com with .ca Sorry for the inconvenience!***

"Cate" wrote:
The invitation was informal, via email. It's for a milestone birthday party.
It's being given by the birthday-ee and spouse. The invitation said the
hosts would provide alcohol and sodas.
[snip]
Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday party, it's
a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if you want to eat?

I wonder if they also read this newsgroup, and if so, whether they'll
every invite you again...

--
Lucian

Lucian Wischik wrote:
"Cate" wrote:
The invitation was informal, via email. It's for a milestone
birthday party. It's being given by the birthday-ee and spouse. The
invitation said the hosts would provide alcohol and sodas.
[snip]
Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday
party, it's a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if
you want to eat?

I wonder if they also read this newsgroup, and if so, whether they'll
every invite you again...

And with rudeness like that, who cares?

Jill

Subject: semi OT: party invitation etiquette question
From: "Cate"
Date: 10/26/2003 6:46 AM Mountain Standard Time
Message-id:

I received a birthday part invitation that surprised me, and I'd like to do
an informal survey to see what others think.

The invitation was informal, via email. It's for a milestone birthday party.
It's being given by the birthday-ee and spouse. The invitation said the
hosts would provide alcohol and sodas.

The hosts said they'd decided on a restaurant to cater it. (Actually it may
just be considered a big take-out order.)

Then the hosts said 'contributions greatly appreciated.' The hosts are not
poor, students, young, or otherwise unable to pay for their own birthday
party. In fact, they're off on an expensive, extended vacation soon after
the party. They are both established in their careers and are well
compensated. They have no kids. This is an adults-only party.

Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday party, it's
a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if you want to eat?

Cate


I cannot imagine anyone throwing a party and asking the guests to pay for their
food! You are not out of line.
Rosie

Cate wrote:
I received a birthday part invitation that surprised me, and I'd like
to do an informal survey to see what others think.

The invitation was informal, via email. It's for a milestone birthday
party. It's being given by the birthday-ee and spouse.
(snip)
Cate

Reminds me of a birthday party I was given by my ex-husband when I turned
22. Someone brought me a gift of a nice bottle of wine. We had tons of
liquor and beer available at the party. But then I walked into the kitchen
to find someone had opened and drunk my birthday bottle of wine! I never
even got to taste it! GRRRR.

To others: don't open the bottle with the bow and card on it!

Jill

"Lucian Wischik" wrote in message
...
"Cate" wrote:
The invitation was informal, via email. It's for a milestone birthday
party.
It's being given by the birthday-ee and spouse. The invitation said the
hosts would provide alcohol and sodas.
[snip]
Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday party,
it's
a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if you want to eat?

I wonder if they also read this newsgroup, and if so, whether they'll
every invite you again...

I thought about that and decided to risk it. If this is the kind of
invitation I could expect to receive in the future, then I wouldn't be upset
about not being invited.

When I host a party, I pay. My friends sometimes offer to contribute money,
and I always refuse. It's possible I'm exceptional in my generosity, but I
don't think so. For my parties, if people want to contribute food, great. If
they're good cooks, that is. If not, I say the food's all covered and
suggest they bring wine.

Cate

"jmcquown" wrote in message
...

To others: don't open the bottle with the bow and card on it!

No kidding. Wow.

Cate

"jmcquown" wrote in message
. ..

Yeah, I'd say that's pretty inappropriate. Unless, perhaps, they meant a
contribution of food or a bottle of wine (even though they said it would
be
provided).

According to how the invitation was worded, I'm positive the 'contribution'
referred to paying for the food.

Cate

"Cate" writes:

I received a birthday part invitation that surprised me, and I'd like to do
an informal survey to see what others think.

The invitation was informal, via email. It's for a milestone birthday party.
It's being given by the birthday-ee and spouse. The invitation said the
hosts would provide alcohol and sodas.

The hosts said they'd decided on a restaurant to cater it. (Actually it may
just be considered a big take-out order.)

Then the hosts said 'contributions greatly appreciated.' The hosts are not
poor, students, young, or otherwise unable to pay for their own birthday
party. In fact, they're off on an expensive, extended vacation soon after
the party. They are both established in their careers and are well
compensated. They have no kids. This is an adults-only party.

Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday party, it's
a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if you want to eat?

Why are you even entertaining the prospect of this fercocktah affair... these
are NOT your friends, not unless you are a douche bag too.


---= BOYCOTT FRENCH--GERMAN (belgium) =---
---= Move UNITED NATIONS To Paris =---
Sheldon
````````````
"Life would be devoid of all meaning were it without tribulation."

Cate wrote:

Then the hosts said 'contributions greatly appreciated.' The hosts are not
poor, students, young, or otherwise unable to pay for their own birthday
party. In fact, they're off on an expensive, extended vacation soon after
the party. They are both established in their careers and are well
compensated. They have no kids. This is an adults-only party.

Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday party, it's
a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if you want to eat?

A LITTLE odd? That's bizarre. And that is not throwing a party,
I don't know what it is but if you throw a party, you don't charge
a cover fee. I hope you're not going, I certainly wouldn't. How
rude. There's just no understanding people when it comes to money.
I don't care how much they have, just have a cake and iced tea if
you can't afford the booze and food. Honestly.

nancy

It isn't just odd; it is downright tacky. It would be tacky if the
"hosts" (I put that in quotes because they're not hosts at all; they're
budding businessmen) were students or young or otherwise unable to pay.
If you can't afford to entertain in high style, entertain with
lemonade and potato chips. Passing yourself off as some sort of charity
by passing the hat, isn't deceptive.

That said, a lot has to do with how intimate you are with these people.
I have a good friend who gives a big party each year. Because she
knows I like to cook, she asks me to bring a dish and is quite specific
about it. ("Could you bring over one of those sweet potato coconut pies
you made last Christmas and some cut vegetables with dip?") Her friends
who don't like to cook aren't asked to bring anything, and that suits
everyone just fine. I've never seen anything grabby or cheap about her
parties, and if I did, I know her well enough to say so.

As for what to do about it, ask yourself a question "would I enjoy this
party if I weren't being charged to get in (or asked for a
contribution)?" If the answer is yes, consider giving a dollar or
bringing a traditional hostess gift such as wine, bread, flowers or
chocolates. If the answer is no (and I suspect it is), turn down the
invitation with no explanation or excuses. (I'm tempted to congratulate
the couple on their new business venture, but people who would ask for
contributions are too dense to understand my subtle and pointed sense of
humor.)

Then, if you want to feel better, take a look at:

www.etiquettehell.com

Your "hosts" will look like saints by the time you're done reading about
the sorts of tacky schemes others have come up with.

--Lia


Cate wrote:

Then the hosts said 'contributions greatly appreciated.' The hosts are not
poor, students, young, or otherwise unable to pay for their own birthday
party. In fact, they're off on an expensive, extended vacation soon after
the party. They are both established in their careers and are well
compensated. They have no kids. This is an adults-only party.

"Cate" wrote in message


Then the hosts said 'contributions greatly appreciated.' The hosts are not
poor, students, young, or otherwise unable to pay for their own birthday
party. In fact, they're off on an expensive, extended vacation soon after
the party. They are both established in their careers and are well
compensated. They have no kids. This is an adults-only party.


I'm glad you use the term "hosts" as these people are certainly not
"friends".


Am I out of line for thinking that if you host your own birthday party,
it's
a little odd to ask for monetary contributions to pay if you want to eat?

Odd? Down right ignorant. What is even more horrifying is that some people
will probably go to it.
Ed

http://pages.cthome.net/edhome
..

I like the idea that some people will go for it. They deserve each
other. The folks who don't mind paying for what would otherwise be
known as hospitality do so. The folks who do mind decline the
"invitation." The folks who don't mind get to walk around their whole
lives wondering if their "friends" like them and enjoy their company or
if they only ever get invited places because they pay for the privilege.
Imagine never being able to distinguish a difference in motivation
between a friend saying "please come again" and a restaurant maitre d'
saying the same thing.

--Lia


Edwin Pawlowski wrote:
Odd? Down right ignorant. What is even more horrifying is that some people
will probably go to it.
Ed