It happened again tonight. We ate the first part of our meal in
relative silence since we don't like to talk much as we eat. As we were
slowing down, we started talking more. Only when we're in the middle of
spirited conversation does the waiter or waitress come over to interupt
to ask if everything is alright. I have to take my attention away from
my dining companions to pay attention to her to reassure her that
everything is fine. (Or it was fine until I was interrupted.)

I was a waitress. I'm trying to be sympathetic to someone who has a
rough job, but it is getting harder. Is it my imagination, or is it
rude to walk straight up to people in the middle of conversation to
interrupt them with some trivial question? Surely if there were
something wrong, wouldn't that be obvious by the fact that I was looking
around for the server trying to catch their eye?

Is there a solution? May I explain that I'm in the middle of a
conversation and don't wish to be interrupted? Would that do any good?
I never take my irritation out on the servers' tip because even I'm
not that cantankerous and because I know the servers would have no way
of making the connection between their interruption and the lower tip.

--Lia

Julia Altshuler wrote in
news:KvOfb.688791$uu5.112026@sccrnsc04:

It happened again tonight. We ate the first part of our meal in
relative silence since we don't like to talk much as we eat. As we
were slowing down, we started talking more. Only when we're in the
middle of spirited conversation does the waiter or waitress come over
to interupt to ask if everything is alright. I have to take my
attention away from my dining companions to pay attention to her to
reassure her that everything is fine. (Or it was fine until I was
interrupted.)

I was a waitress. I'm trying to be sympathetic to someone who has a
rough job, but it is getting harder. Is it my imagination, or is it
rude to walk straight up to people in the middle of conversation to
interrupt them with some trivial question? Surely if there were
something wrong, wouldn't that be obvious by the fact that I was
looking around for the server trying to catch their eye?

Is there a solution? May I explain that I'm in the middle of a
conversation and don't wish to be interrupted? Would that do any
good?
I never take my irritation out on the servers' tip because even I'm
not that cantankerous and because I know the servers would have no way
of making the connection between their interruption and the lower tip.

--Lia

You won't change their habits, but you might change their immediate
behavior by telling the waitperson (as you are being served) that you'd
rather not be disturbed while eating, and that you'll let them know if
you need anything during the meal.

Wayne

In article KvOfb.688791$uu5.112026@sccrnsc04,
Julia Altshuler wrote:


It happened again tonight. We ate the first part of our meal in
relative silence since we don't like to talk much as we eat. As we were
slowing down, we started talking more. Only when we're in the middle of
spirited conversation does the waiter or waitress come over to interupt
to ask if everything is alright. I have to take my attention away from
my dining companions to pay attention to her to reassure her that
everything is fine. (Or it was fine until I was interrupted.)

I was a waitress. I'm trying to be sympathetic to someone who has a
rough job, but it is getting harder. Is it my imagination, or is it
rude to walk straight up to people in the middle of conversation to
interrupt them with some trivial question? Surely if there were
something wrong, wouldn't that be obvious by the fact that I was looking
around for the server trying to catch their eye?

Complain to management that you are receiving too much service.
I'm being serious. I think the waiters are trained to always
check on the customer and I find it annoying when a waiter comes by
every five minutes to ask me everything is OK. Applebee's is specially
horrible about this. I think it's a big waste of time. All I ask
from waiters is:

- Take my order on time
- If my order is taking a long time, be corteous enough to let me know
- Keep me refilled on drinks
- Get me my bill quickly once I ask for it (this realy irks me and I
quickly lower tips to $0 if I have to wait too long for my bill)
- Take care of the bill quickly once I've provided payment
- At the same time, don't try to rush me out just to get more customers
in the door.

If I need anything else, I'll flag them down.

I never take my irritation out on the servers' tip because even I'm
not that cantankerous and because I know the servers would have no way
of making the connection between their interruption and the lower tip.

I agree that they wouldn't directly see the connection. If you don't
want to get the waiter in trouble, leave a note in the comment card.

~Deepak

--
Deepak Saxena - - http://www.plexity.net

On Sun, 5 Oct 2003 06:32:57 +0000 (UTC),
(Deepak Saxena) wrote:

- Get me my bill quickly once I ask for it (this realy irks me and I
quickly lower tips to $0 if I have to wait too long for my bill)
- Take care of the bill quickly once I've provided payment

On Sun, 5 Oct 2003 06:32:57 +0000 (UTC),
(Deepak Saxena) wrote:

- Get me my bill quickly once I ask for it (this realy irks me and I
quickly lower tips to $0 if I have to wait too long for my bill)
- Take care of the bill quickly once I've provided payment

These are my two problems every darn time.

Julia Altshuler wrote:
It happened again tonight. We ate the first part of our meal in
relative silence since we don't like to talk much as we eat. As we
were slowing down, we started talking more. Only when we're in the
middle of spirited conversation does the waiter or waitress come over
to interupt to ask if everything is alright.
(snip)
--Lia

Would you rather have to wave your arms over your head if something *were*
wrong? I was a server; the companies I worked for insisted I go back and
check mid-meal to make sure everything was satisfactory. I can't imagine
any conversation at a restaurant being *that* intense that you wouldn't be
able to break off and say "We're fine, thanks".

You want to hear about rude, try this. Ray and I went to dinner at
O'Charley's. The hostess took us to the section; the table hadn't been
bussed. She shoved the menus in my hand, said, "Someone will come clean
this in a minute" and walked off. EXCUSE ME? We stood there by a dirty
table cooling our heels! I said something to the bartender about it; he
immediately got a manager who found us another table and made sure we were
checked on regularly.

Jill

On Sun, 05 Oct 2003 06:04:26 GMT, Julia Altshuler
wrote:

It happened again tonight. We ate the first part of our meal in
relative silence since we don't like to talk much as we eat. As we were
slowing down, we started talking more. Only when we're in the middle of
spirited conversation does the waiter or waitress come over to interupt
to ask if everything is alright. I have to take my attention away from
my dining companions to pay attention to her to reassure her that
everything is fine. (Or it was fine until I was interrupted.)

I was a waitress. I'm trying to be sympathetic to someone who has a
rough job, but it is getting harder. Is it my imagination, or is it
rude to walk straight up to people in the middle of conversation to
interrupt them with some trivial question? Surely if there were
something wrong, wouldn't that be obvious by the fact that I was looking
around for the server trying to catch their eye?

I agree with Steve and Jill. Unless you're dining in an exclusive
restaurant with a good waitperson/customer ratio, you shouldn't expect
exclusive, mind-reading service. Other people don't consider "Is
everything fine?" a trivial question and would be irritated to have to
flag down someone when they want something. I've found that it's more
distracting to conversation to have everyone at the table splitting
their attention trying to catch a busy server's eye, than it is to ask
for water when they stop at the table.

Is there a solution? May I explain that I'm in the middle of a
conversation and don't wish to be interrupted? Would that do any good?

There's no reason why you can't. I'm sure the waiter has heard
various requests and won't bat an eye. Just don't get irritated if
they don't stop back until the end of the meal!

Sue(tm)
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself!

On Sun, 05 Oct 2003 06:31:27 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
wrote:

Julia Altshuler wrote in
news:KvOfb.688791$uu5.112026@sccrnsc04:

It happened again tonight. We ate the first part of our meal in
relative silence since we don't like to talk much as we eat. As we
were slowing down, we started talking more. Only when we're in the
middle of spirited conversation does the waiter or waitress come over
to interupt to ask if everything is alright. I have to take my
attention away from my dining companions to pay attention to her to
reassure her that everything is fine. (Or it was fine until I was
interrupted.)

You won't change their habits, but you might change their immediate
behavior by telling the waitperson (as you are being served) that you'd
rather not be disturbed while eating, and that you'll let them know if
you need anything during the meal.

Waay too reasonable for rfc. :-) I don't remember any waitress
"training" when I served, but I'm sure some establishments
suggest/require that waiters regularly visit tables with those chirpy
inquiries. There's also the difficulty of judging which patrons prefer
upscale service (no queries; no "my name is Pat and I'll be..."; just
noticing when something is required and supplying it, and which are
used to the chirpy, chain-restaurant "friendly" style which makes some
feel they're being neglected if no one stops by to inquire.

Maybe, in the absence of well-trained waitstaff alert for the
slightest glance in their direction, restaurants could develop a
signal mechanism -- "if you need anything, put up this flag or secure
a napkin to the edge of the table." :-)

Julia Altshuler wrote:

It happened again tonight. We ate the first part of our meal in
relative silence since we don't like to talk much as we eat. As we were
slowing down, we started talking more. Only when we're in the middle of
spirited conversation does the waiter or waitress come over to interupt
to ask if everything is alright. I have to take my attention away from
my dining companions to pay attention to her to reassure her that
everything is fine. (Or it was fine until I was interrupted.)

I was a waitress. I'm trying to be sympathetic to someone who has a
rough job, but it is getting harder. Is it my imagination, or is it
rude to walk straight up to people in the middle of conversation to
interrupt them with some trivial question? Surely if there were
something wrong, wouldn't that be obvious by the fact that I was looking
around for the server trying to catch their eye?

Is there a solution? May I explain that I'm in the middle of a
conversation and don't wish to be interrupted? Would that do any good?
I never take my irritation out on the servers' tip because even I'm
not that cantankerous and because I know the servers would have no way
of making the connection between their interruption and the lower tip.

--Lia

Yes, it's irritating when they keep asking if everything is all right, but
it's also irritating if everything is not all right and they can't be found.
They need to be available, but quiet. If something isn't all right, the
customers will say so.

Gary




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On Sun, 05 Oct 2003 06:04:26 GMT, Julia Altshuler
wrote:

Is it my imagination, or is it
rude to walk straight up to people in the middle of conversation to
interrupt them with some trivial question?

It *is* rude in social situations. But dining where the staff is
expected or encouraged to provide "attention" to their tables makes it
annoying for you, but not rude for them. Easy enough to say, kindly,
after the first "is everything OK?" that yes, "everything's OK and
we'll let you know if we need anything." This, of course, will not
work with people who don't listen. Waitering is not, in many places, a
skilled profession. Janie at the diner and Pierre at Chateau Boeuf may
be able to intuit exactly what kind of service their customers
require, but aspiring actors and recent high-school grads haven't a
clue. They're trying to do what they think is expected.

Frogleg wrote:
On Sun, 05 Oct 2003 06:31:27 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
wrote:

Julia Altshuler wrote in
news:KvOfb.688791$uu5.112026@sccrnsc04:

It happened again tonight. We ate the first part of our meal in
relative silence since we don't like to talk much as we eat. As we
were slowing down, we started talking more. Only when we're in the
middle of spirited conversation does the waiter or waitress come
over to interupt to ask if everything is alright.
(snip)
Maybe, in the absence of well-trained waitstaff alert for the
slightest glance in their direction, restaurants could develop a
signal mechanism -- "if you need anything, put up this flag or secure
a napkin to the edge of the table." :-)

How about a flashing light?! ROFL

Julia Altshuler wrote:

Is there a solution? May I explain that I'm in the middle of a
conversation and don't wish to be interrupted? Would that do any good?
I never take my irritation out on the servers' tip because even I'm
not that cantankerous and because I know the servers would have no way
of making the connection between their interruption and the lower tip.

My son has wait staff figured out. He claims that they come around and check
that everything is okay when you have a mouthful of food or are busy in
conversation. And I have to say that I cringe when they use the popular
wait staff second person plural "yous"

My all time rudest waiter was in a restaurant in Vancouver. I had paid the
$66 bill with a $100 American Express travellers cheque. He came back with
more that $60 change. I called him over and told him that I thought he had
given me the incorrect change. He told me that he had checked the figures
carefully. I told him, no, there is not the correct change. He became very
snippy and insisted that he had given me the right change. I told him once
again that I thought it was incorrect. He got even snippier. So I dropped
it. I had tried three times that he had made an error. It would seem that he
had assumed that because it was American Express, that it was American
funds, and at that time the exchange rate was more than 25%. I did my best
to help him out, but he was so rude that he would not even give me a chance
to explain the misunderstanding.

Do you think I left an extra large tip to make up for him short changing
himself?
Fat chance

My son has wait staff figured out. He claims that they come around and check
that everything is okay when you have a mouthful of food or are busy in
conversation.

That is one of my pet peeves also. If I need something believe me I will let
someone know. One inquiry is fine but when they keep coming back... grrrrrrr

I have to say that is right up there the dentist asking questions when he has
his hands in your mouth. LOL

Nancy
Go Red Sox

(Deepak Saxena) writes:

Complain to management that you are receiving too much service.
I'm being serious. I think the waiters are trained to always
check on the customer and I find it annoying when a waiter comes by
every five minutes to ask me everything is OK. Applebee's is specially
horrible about this.

Then why are you dining at ******** like Applebees? duh


---= BOYCOTT FRENCH--GERMAN (belgium) =---
---= Move UNITED NATIONS To Paris =---
Sheldon
````````````
"Life would be devoid of all meaning were it without tribulation."

In article , Wayne Boatwright
writes:

Julia Altshuler wrote in
news:KvOfb.688791$uu5.112026@sccrnsc04:

It happened again tonight. We ate the first part of our meal in
relative silence since we don't like to talk much as we eat. As we
were slowing down, we started talking more. Only when we're in the
middle of spirited conversation does the waiter or waitress come over
to interupt to ask if everything is alright. I have to take my
attention away from my dining companions to pay attention to her to
reassure her that everything is fine. (Or it was fine until I was
interrupted.)

I was a waitress. I'm trying to be sympathetic to someone who has a
rough job, but it is getting harder. Is it my imagination, or is it
rude to walk straight up to people in the middle of conversation to
interrupt them with some trivial question? Surely if there were
something wrong, wouldn't that be obvious by the fact that I was
looking around for the server trying to catch their eye?

Is there a solution? May I explain that I'm in the middle of a
conversation and don't wish to be interrupted? Would that do any
good?
I never take my irritation out on the servers' tip because even I'm
not that cantankerous and because I know the servers would have no way
of making the connection between their interruption and the lower tip.

--Lia

You won't change their habits, but you might change their immediate
behavior by telling the waitperson (as you are being served) that you'd
rather not be disturbed while eating, and that you'll let them know if
you need anything during the meal.


Then perhaps one should choose dining at a cafeteria... or choose a high end
multi-star restaurant... at these establishments one will never be interupted.
But if anyone expects no interaction with the hired help at a typical
family-style establishmet then they are nutso.


---= BOYCOTT FRENCH--GERMAN (belgium) =---
---= Move UNITED NATIONS To Paris =---
Sheldon
````````````
"Life would be devoid of all meaning were it without tribulation."