To good not to share! elaine

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint
letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A
real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints
dept....)

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your
3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this
three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not
previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of
monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details,so that
you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to rectify
these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some
entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H
and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes
listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes-an
activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The
rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the
technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had
still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived...
six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate
your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still
waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to
your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of
disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will
call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me
back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a
telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an
answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be
transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish
robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't
care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration'sin
print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore,
if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy ****-pot of
godawful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of *******s you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended
rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom - ******s though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you
cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the
services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I
enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter
tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and
your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become
desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of
posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not
experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the
very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of ****s.

John

elaine wrote:
To good not to share! elaine

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint
letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A
real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints
dept....)

Dear Cretins,

snipped

Thanks for sharing elaine....

--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy - wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes

Oh pshaw, on Thu 23 Nov 2006 01:56:29a, elaine meant to say...


To good not to share! elaine

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint
letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A
real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints
dept....)

I wish I'd said that. :-)

--
Wayne Boatwright
__________________________________________________

Useless Invention: Solar powered night light.

elaine wrote:

To good not to share!

The British do have a way with words....

*Too* good not to share.


Sheldon Two

In article ,
"elaine" wrote:

To good not to share! elaine

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint
letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A
real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints
dept....)

Dear Cretins,

snippety
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of ****s.

John

Nice. ;-)
--
Peace, Om

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"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a bitch" -- Jack Nicholson