I posted this little story 2 or 3 years ago and got good response from it.
Thought there might be enought new people here that didn't read it, so am
posting again.

Story started out to be true, and then my over active imagination took over.
I'd say about 60% is true.

Bob
FREE BBQ WOOD

About two weeks ago when it was dry for a couple days, I went out to cut a
couple of Mesquite trees for a guy I know. I really wanted to cut them
because Mesquite is quite good for BBQing, which as you know; I like to do
as often as possible. Since you may not be familiar with Mesquite trees,
I'll tell you that they never grow very tall or big around, at least around
here. These two trees were average size of about 20+ feet tall, with some
small limbs on them. They contained a fair amount of BBQ wood.

I don't like to use my chain saw without someone else around, just in case
something happens, which it never does - but who knows when it might. I
asked a friend who was off that day if he wanted to go with me. He said it
was the most exciting offer he had, so he went. I cut down the trees with no
injuries, so I guess I didn't really need my friend to come after all.
Anyway, we loaded the wood big enough to use for cooking in his truck. The
brush was loaded in my truck. When we got home (to my home) we threw all
the wood out to cut it short for good BBQing size. We just threw the brush
in a pile on the ground.
After we cut the good BBQ wood, my friend took half of it and left me with
the other half of the wood, plus all the brush. It took me about ten days
to split the wood. I just do a little splitting at a time so my ax doesn't
get too hot and crystallize the head. After getting all the splitting
done, I still had the pile of brush to deal with. It was only then that I
wondered why my friend got 50 percent the BBQ wood but I had 100 percent of
the brush. Anyway, that was the way it was, and it was too late to do
anything about it so I had to get rid of the brush.

We have a landfill (dump) about five or six miles away that last year
charged $6.00 for a pickup full of whatever. This year they charge $8.00,
which is ridiculous. Not being one who caters to the big brother raising
taxes, I was not going to pay their outrageous price. Besides, I'd have to
drive ten or twelve miles (round trip) to dump brush and have to pay $8.00
on top of that. Well, everyone reaches his limits sometime, and I had
reached mine.

I decided the best way to get rid of the brush was to burn it myself. But
to do this, I had to move it all to another spot away from trees in the
yard. No problem. I trudged back and forth and moved all the brush to an
open spot on the yard. This only took a couple hours, which isn't all that
bad considering how much brush there was and the number of times I had to
stop and rest and have a beer to keep up my energy.

The brush was green, just getting ready to sprout leaves when I cut it, so I
knew it would not burn all that easy. I had a two and a half gallon can of
gas for use in the mowers, and it was full so I decided to use a little bit
of that to get the fire going. I poured about half a gallon of gas on the
brush, lit a match to it and it caught on fire real good - - - - - - - -
and then quickly went out. I kept pouring more gas and lighting the thing
again, but it wasn't burning much wood. Finally out of gas, I went down to
the gas station (about 4 miles each way) and got another two and a half
gallons.

By the time I used that up and still had not burned much brush, I sent my
wife to get another container of gas. I used all that. So, just over
seven gallons of gas cost a bit more than the $8.00 the dump would charge.
But,I didn't have to drive to the dump, so I figure I am at close to even -
maybe ahead - it depends on how you figure it.

Maybe you know that when you pour raw gas on a smoldering fire, it has a
tendency to flare up a little now and then. That is the way it worked for
me anyway. But, no big deal, I really had very little use for my eyebrows
anyway. Besides that, I think they will grow back soon, as will the hair
on my arms.

You will probably been very happy to know that I got most of the brush
burned. Of course, there are always a few pieces that don't burn all the
way. After the fire cooled, I picked up those pieces that didn't burn and
tossed them in the garbage can. I swear they were stone cold! I couldn't
feel any heat at all through the leather welder's gloves I was wearing.
Well, a miracle must have happened - I don't know.

Anyway, about four or perhaps five beers later (who worries about time and
beer in retirement?), that stone cold wood (or something else, unknown)
seemed to have caused a fire in our plastic trashcan. Our garbage company
gives us a nice big garbage can with two wheels on it so the wife can take
out the garbage and not interfere with my important business. Somebody who
I assume was my wife (not casting any stones here, mind you) had stupidly
put some plastic bags of garbage in the can and I expect some paper stuff as
well. Whatever was in there, stone cold wood should not cause it burn even
if she did put trash in the can without consulting me.

The miracle happened and the trashcan caught on fire. A neighbor called the
fire department, but that was just some busy body who doesn't mind her own
business. The fire truck came out with sirens you could hear from two miles
away. By that time, I had put out the fire in what was left of our garbage
can so they didn't have anything to do anyway. I sure wish that brush had
burned half as easy as that garbage can. It is spring break from school
here, and all the kids in the neighborhood came to our house to see the
excitement. The fireman told me they charge $75.00 for a false alarm, but
since we have never had a false alarm before, they would forget this one.
I thought that was darn nice of them since they said they were in the middle
of watching the Oprah show. Right there, I saved $75.00 on top of the
$8.00 the dump wanted to charge.

I called the garbage company to tell them they had a defective garbage can.
They were very narrow minded about the whole thing, and did not agree that
the garbage can was defective. However, they were accommodating and said
they would get us another garbage can in a couple days and it would cost
only $85.00. I think that is an outrageous price for a garbage can, even
if it does have two wheels. For that kind of money, they should put a
small engine on the thing so I could take out the garbage and save my wife
the trouble. I kind of think there is something here that some
organization of broads ought to look into.

So, everything worked out real good according to my plans. But my lovely
wife kept a running tab on what all this cost. She figured it would have
been cheaper to take the brush to the dump even at $8.00 a load. I don't
know why females do this sort of thing, but I overlook it because it is just
in their genes or hormones or something and they can't help it. She
figured seven gallons of gas at $1.30 a gallon, one garbage can at $85.00,
and then had the gall to add in my jeans and shirt that had some large burn
holes - not that bad, really. I don't think that is quite fair since they
were not brand new. She even added in two round trips to the gas station,
which I thought was a bit petty, but you know women. What really bothered
me is that she didn't subtract the $75.00 I saved from the fire department.
Besides that, she didn't seem to appreciate the artistic allure of an
eight-foot burned circle in the grass. I even pointed out to her that none
of the neighbors have anything like that - it is unique.

I told her all that was just statistical stuff anyway, and that didn't mean
a darn thing since we all know that statistics are used to prove the other
persons point of view regardless of the real facts. Anyway, we aren't
talking tonight. I figure I will give her time to get over her narrow
minded pettiness and she will begin to appreciate my efforts.

The way I am thinking now, I want say, to heck with it and quit doing nice
stuff around the house. I think I will go fishing tomorrow even if I won't
catch anything. Hell! Last year the water was so low half the catfish
had ticks and the other half had fleas. This year the water is so high,
most of them have drowned. So you see, there a'int no sense in getting too
excited about helping out around the house by getting BBQ wood or even
trying to get some fish so we will have something to eat. Anyway, that's
all that is going on around here.

ROTFLMAO

Thx,

Tom

Bob I wasn't here then either,,,, WOW Deja' Vu.

Loved it.
Bruce-n-Gold Beach

> About two weeks ago when it was dry for a couple days, I went out to cut a
> couple of Mesquite trees for a guy I know. I really wanted to cut them
> because Mesquite is quite good for BBQing, which as you know; I like to do
> as often as possible. Since you


Loved it first time I read it, and, again today,

Thanks,