"Puester" wrote in message
...

It must be the season. Today I scraped off a large chunk
of knuckle while grating fresh ginger with one of those
microplane graters when my grip on the ginger slipped.
Jeez, is that thing SHARP! Saturday I sliced into a finger
with the lid from a can of tomatoes. I'm destined to spend
the holidays in Band-aids.

Maybe you should consider the following

Product Warnings:

a.. "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." --
On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

b.. "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

c.. "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

d.. "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

e.. "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

f.. "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held
massaging device.

g.. "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public
sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

h.. "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." --
On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

i.. "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an
electric rotary tool.

j.. "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm
deodorant.

k.. "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield
that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

l.. "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy
helmet used as a container for popcorn.

m.. "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame"
fireplace lighter.
n..
o.. "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

p.. "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a
wheelbarrow.

q.. "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom
heater.

r.. "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

s.. "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden
set called "Popcorn Rock."

t.. "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

u.. "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

v.. "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

w.. "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

x.. "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

y.. "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday
card for a 1 year old.

z.. "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

aa.. "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat
cushion.

ab.. "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

ac.. "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

ad.. "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

ae.. "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

af.. "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air
freshener.

ag.. "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a
motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

ah.. "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the
forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the
water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

ai.. "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will
cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile
objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

aj.. "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

ak.. "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag
of fresh grapes in Australia.

al.. "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening
stone.

am.. "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

an.. "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in
mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

ao.. "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

ap.. "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

aq.. "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a
box of rat poison.

ar.. "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

as.. "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing
windshield fluid.

at.. "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable
stroller.

au.. "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of
agarose powder, used to make gels.

av.. "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

aw.. "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

ax.. "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's
cough medicine.

ay.. "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

az.. "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child
sized Superman costume.

ba.. "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's
outside access door.

bb.. "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so
will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

bc.. "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of
Midol PMS relief tablets.

bd.. "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

be.. "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert
box.

bf.. "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

bg.. "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a
cheap rubber ball toy.

bh.. "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

bi.. "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

bj.. "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your
warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement
when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to
beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

bk.. "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual
for a Swedish chainsaw.

bl.. "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at
co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

bm.. "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

bn.. "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the
styrofoam packing.

bo.. "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the
sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would
assume were handholds.

bp.. "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of
sleeping pills.

bq.. "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal
barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

br.. "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for
an electric thermometer.

bs.. "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a
chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

bt.. "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch
inflatable picture frame.

bu.. "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

bv.. "Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard
windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).

bw.. "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up
snack.

bx.. "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

by.. "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

bz.. "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a
cordless phone.

ca.. "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." --
On the packaging for a wris****ch.



Assurances:

a.. "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.



Small Print From Commercials:

a.. "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts
an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.

b.. "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car
in the ocean.

c.. "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which
shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.

d.. "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described
how their burgers were fresh.



Signs and Notices:

a.. "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere.

b.. "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a
West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

c.. "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a
church.

d.. "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid
for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

e.. "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine.

f.. "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic.

g.. "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On
a bag of Fritos.

h.. "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box.

i.. "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement.

j.. "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer.



Safety Procedures:

a.. "Take ca new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly
renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.

b.. "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed
uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.


Ingredients:

a.. "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat,
yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment
agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a
package of fruit buns.

b.. "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater.

c.. "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the
materials if you believe this may be the case.
Materials:
Covering: 100% Unknown.
Stuffing: 100% Unknown."
-- On a pillow.



Instructions:

a.. "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of
microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the
plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.

b.. "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box
of pills.

c.. "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline
peanuts.

d.. "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on
the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.

e.. "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

f.. "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.

g.. "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner.

h.. "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it
wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits.

i.. "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then
close doors." -- In a car manual.

j.. "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope
for an auto insurance bill.

k.. "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on'
position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle.



Requirements:

a.. "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.
b.. http://rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml