"Ross McKay" > wrote in message
...
>
> I hear that they work wonders for back pain and sleepless nights when
> you embed them in your mattress too. Best used in conjunction with
> crystals.
>
Not entirely true, Ross. Depending on the variety, crystals can be either
positive or negative etherium emitters. Unaged wine is also very high in
etherium, but can be either positive (if it comes from the Northern
hemisphere) or negative (from the Southern). Magnets have been shown to
align the etherium in wine into a coherent polarization which emulates the
process that occurs naturally over time, reducing the harsh effects of
random etherium ordering and creating a wine that tastes smooth and aged.
Now, if you were to bring a crystal of the same polarity into the vicinity,
its etherium contribution would simply be brought into alignment and no harm
done. However, an etherium emitter of opposite polarity would immediately
force the etherium matrix within the wine into non-covalent bonding which
the magnetic field can no longer affect. If this is done, there is a good
chance you will have irreversibly damaged the natural order of the wine and
it might never age properly. Some recent studies suggest that several months
inside a pyramid might unlock the bound matrix, but results are inconclusive
at this time.

Crystals and magnets are not toys, Ross. In untrained hands, they can do
great damage if not used properly. I hope you will educate yourself a bit
more on this topic before handing out advice.

Bwian the Naughty