On Sat 31 May 2008 04:42:01a, Bob Terwilliger told us...

Serene wrote:

There's no need to give excuses, especially ones that are easily seen
through. It's fine just to say, "Oh, sorry, we won't be able to make
it (or "we have other plans that night"). Have a wonderful time!"

But that *is* an easy-to-reveal excuse unless you plan to abandon your
house that evening simply to avoid being caught in a lie.

Nonsense. "We have other plans" doesn't say whether the plans are
outside or inside your home. It's not a lie at all, even if your only
other plans are to be as far from that party as possible.

Mendacity. "We have other plans," while vague enough to TECHNICALLY mean
very little, in context implies that you have some SPECIAL plans for the
evening involving something other than sitting around the house. If the
hostess finds that you were staying at home that evening, and that's
what your "other plans" were, don't you think she'd be insulted?

Given the situation, she deserves to be insulted. That was unmitigated
gall to make such a request.

Why not tell the REAL truth? "I'd like to come to your party, but I
think it would be too much of a burden for me to provide two expensive
bottles of wine and roasted beef tenderloin for twenty people, most of
whom are strangers to me."

I might do that for someone I was close to. For a casual acquaintance,
I think a polite "no, thank you" suffices and creates the least drama.

I agree that a simple "No, thank you" (with no further embellishment)
would suffice, but that's a completely different answer than your
earlier recommendation of saying, "We have other plans." As I see it,
I'm answering a rude request by telling the truth. You're answering a
rude request by evading the truth. Which behavior do you think will
result in future rudeness from that person?

(Before this degenerates too much further, I should mention that I have
nothing but the highest esteem for Serene.)

I, as well.

Bob





--
Wayne Boatwright
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Saturday, 05(V)/31(XXXI)/08(MMVIII)
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Chicken Boo what's the matter with you??
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