aem wrote:

Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife.

They seem outrageous because they are. There may be some people who would
not be offended, but our friend certainly was. Rich people don't expect
their friends to pay to come to their parties.


For another, wives
sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party. Then again, the
chef's wife just may be thoughtless.

I suppose that it may be a matter of having mistakenly over estimated the
relationship and thinking that our friend would be delighted to spend
$200 to help surprise the husband. However, when our friend declined, the
wife then over estimated the relationship with another neighbour who was
invited in place of our friend. She was upset enough at the gall of the
chef's wife that she called our friend. Imagine how that woman would have
felt if she was a second string invitation, having been invited only after
our friend had declined.



I guess my point is to not be
too quick to lambaste her on the basis of a second or third hand
report. Misunderstandings between neighbors have spawned a lot of
case studies for sociologists and lawyers. -aem