(not crossposted to xxxxxx professional troll NG)

wrote:
It isn't as hard as it sounds.

Place the bag of charcoal (this works for lump as well, so no worries)
on the grates of your pit, laying down. Orient the strings on one
side, the bottom of the bag on the other.

Take your chainsaw and cut the bag in two, being careful to keep as
much flying metal screaming around you from cutting you in two as
well. If you practice, you might get good enough to cut out some of
the grates as well, and if you are lucky you might have the charcoal
fall right where you need it. This is handy when grilling, but not
when you still need to load the firebox.

Now that the bag is open, call 911. You will no doubt need them
soon.

To start the fire before the EMTs arrive, pour premium (don't screw
with regular!) gas on the charcoal and the bag. I personally like one
gallon per ten pounds as a good ratio. Toss on a match. If it is
breezy, you can avoid your charcoal being blown out by doing this on a
wood deck with a wood cover, the lower and closer to the pit the
better to provide better protection.

Hold up a second there, Robert. You want the lowest octane gas you can find.
Octane retards ignition, therefore higher octane gas is used in engines with
higher compression so you don't get pre-ignition (engine knock) or loss of
performance in newer computer controlled engines. For the best flammability,
and highest likelihood that subject troller will help improve the human gene
pool through self immolation, use cheap regular gas, or even better,
kerosene.

MartyB in KC