No cluons were harmed when Kevin S. Wilson wrote:
I bought a new Kamado smoker about 6 years ago. I haven't used it
yet, but I really like it a lot.

I keep mine in the "it's only for looking at" room at the front of the
house. After all, if you spend that kind of money, you don't want to wear
it out by using it.


The problem I have with it is I can't figure out how to open these
bags of charcoal. There's these two white strings knotted together
holding the flap closed at the top of the bag. I've bought dozens
of bags of charcoal, but they all have these frustrating two white
strings at the top that no matter what I try, just won't come loose.

DO NOT mess with those strings! Those are fuses! Also, look around and see
if you can find some sulphur, diamonds, large bore bamboo and something
rope-like. If a giant lizard man comes lumbering up the driveway, you can
build a makeshift cannon.


Is there a website that explains how these strings can be removed so
that I can get at the charcoal inside?

What are you, some kind of terrorist? Why do you hate Idohoans?

I've sent numerous letters and called Kamado about the problem,
but they never respond.

They've likely already reported you to the BATF.


Thank you in advance,

If you really want to thank me, my father left 10 million pounds of prime
beef in a secret freezer, when he was assassinated by opposition forces. If
you will open up a meat locker account so that I cam move this meat out of
the country, I will give you 20 percent of it, much of it not even bones or
fat...


Mark-your-buddy-Ben-Deir-Dundat-Edwards
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Proof of Sanity Forged Upon Request